Compulsions & Aunt
Thank you for reading,
I saw Rachel, my therapist this week. Rachel asked me how did it go with my aunt with my OCD. I said it went well. The only thing I wiped off is the bathroom. She uses the towel rack to put her towel and washcloth she uses every night on it. Rachel says this is a good opportunity to use my senses. If I see something on the towel rack that is dirty then I can wipe them off, if not then just put my towel there. In my head I went WHAT! I was expecting a good job for not wiping anything off or watching everything she touches or does. She washes her body with the washcloth, so it is dirty, so in my mind I should be able to wipe off the towel rack without being a compulsion. Right? I know that my OCD is helping me write this giving that I’m making excuses. What Rachel is asking seems like a lot to me. The past few days I’ve been thinking about this a lot. It is really bothering me. I keep telling myself I can do what Rachel is asking of me, however I’m not believing it in my mind just yet.
Rachel did tell me that I did a good job with everything else. I have a problem with one other thing my aunt did. I keep thinking about it. As you know this is a compulsion too. She put her shoes on the new couch a couple of times. This bothers me tremendously. I have a problem with the bottom of shoes due to the fact they walk on everything, so when she puts her shoes on the couch she puts everything on the couch. Then some else sits there and transfers it everywhere else.
This has been a demon of mine for a long time. Rachel and I have discussed this in the past. I didn’t bring it up at my session this week with Rachel. I was so focused on the towel rack. Since my aunt left I’ve thought about sitting on the couch without wiping it off. I know I should on the other hand I have my OCD in my head telling me to wipe it off.
We also talked about me being rigid some more, since I brought up that I forgot my dinner to eat on the drive home. I have eaten dinner all my life between 4:30 and 5 p.m. There are occasions when I don't, although it is rare. Rachel wanted me to eat when I got home, which would be around 6:15 to 6:30 p.m. I decided not to stop anywhere on the way home, to just not eat dinner. When I got home even though it is, so close to bedtime (7:30 p.m. every night during the week.), I ate a sandwich.
Saturday went to Tai Chi, to a play, then to a dance workshop. I brought a couple of sandwiches to eat in the car, then I would go back to do some social dancing. It was after 7 p.m. when I started eating my sandwiches. I wasn’t feeling it, so I didn’t stick around to social dance, so I got home about 8 p.m. Stayed up late to do my laundry, which I do most Saturday nights. There is me being rigid again. I did think about only doing one load, however once I got started, I decided to finish it.
It may seem from the outside that I have a long way to go to beat my OCD. I do have some compulsions that are my demons that I have had for a long time. I have come to do better with them. I have beaten other compulsions, I will be these too.
It is no fun being a victim. I refuse to be helpless anymore. I claim my own power. - Louise Hay
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
