Tracy Agnelli 3/14/26 Tracy Agnelli 3/14/26

Pillow or OCD

Thank you for reading,

I realized I didn’t tell you last week that I had a sinus infection, which I finally got over. I also didn’t tell you that I blamed it on my new latex pillow that I bought. I thought about taking it back as soon as I got better. I don't ever want to be sick. That is my OCD talking. That is how my OCD started taking over my life, and how it got so bad that I thought about quitting my job. At my second doctor’s appointment that I went to to get better medications to get over my sinus infection I told the nurse practitioner how my new latex pillow did this to me. She told me it probably wasn’t the pillow, but something I got into. Well, my OCD tells me something different. Who should I believe, a nurse practitioner with years of schooling or my OCD with arguably just as many years, possibly more years in my head. It isn’t even that close. OCD is a clear winner. This has been in my head on and off since I got sick, being debated on if the nurse practitioner is right or not. The thing is I cannot let OCD win. I’m going to start using the new pillow again this weekend.

I saw Rachel this week. We talked a little about me getting out and dating. I’ve thought about doing online speed dating. I looked it up to show Rachel, then after showing her she tells me that I’m ruminating over the sites that I’m looking at. She was right. We noticed there are even a couple of speed dating in person events happening. She wants me to try one or the other. I’m scared to do either one. How do you trust the people running the speed dating events no matter if they are online or in person? I have to reason that I have to leave my trust in God. Rachel is trying to help me not just with my OCD, but with my social issues as well. My word for this year is Enthusiastic, and my phrase is Do it afraid. I guess I need to step up.

“You can choose courage, or you can choose comfort, but you cannot choose both.”

~Brene Brown

“We should stop asking ourselves how we feel about doing what we know we should do. If we don’t stop consulting our feelings, we will not finish many things in life.”

― Joyce Meyer, Do It Afraid: Embracing Courage in the Face of Fear

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

https://iocdf.org/programs/conferences/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20295458322&gbraid=0AAAAAD3KKFE7_I6w2iG6UR0ya0vTONg42&gclid=Cj0KCQjwzOvEBhDVARIsADHfJJRvqrNH9UmVG9j-5QUox1fhxUldNOWw1CDKoTQnUecpSXilr_4heKoaArw2EALw_wcB

Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 3/7/26 Tracy Agnelli 3/7/26

Pretty Good Week For Not Feeling Well - OCD

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Despite not feeling well most of the week, I had a pretty good week. You are wondering how that is possible. I realized today that I started feeling better after going to urgent care twice this week, and the second time was yesterday. I paid more attention to how I felt and what I was doing, then what others were doing. I don’t like it when others spread germs by coughing without covering their mouth with their arm or a tissue. Before taking Thursday and Friday off this week, I did read to two classes. Last week was Dr. Seuss birthday, which is why it is Read Across America Week too. A lot of schools participate this week. Some even go crazy with decorations. The schools will have people come in to read to classrooms of all ages. You get mayors along with other city people along with firefighters, police officers, college students, etc. It is a fun week.

I did disappoint myself this week with my OCD by still using gloves to pick up jackets, backpacks, and lunch boxes outside. I really need to stop for a couple of seconds to assess the situation before doing any compulsion like Rachel and I talked about a couple of weeks ago. I’m usually in a hurry to get things done and get on with the next project. I think it is time for me at my age to slow down, and enjoy everything about life, even if it has to do with work. If you don’t enjoy what you do for a living, maybe it’s time to change jobs. I know there are parts of my job I don’t like, but I’m not talking about that part of my job. I’m talking about the entire job as a whole. I definitely need to stop doing compulsions so quickly. I have come really far with my OCD, so I know I can beat it completely. I think I will work on that this week. When I jump to do a compulsion, and I realize it even if I’m in the middle of the compulsion, I think I will stop and assess it.

Another thing that was good that happened to me this week was my session with Rachel got cancelled. That was a blessing from God because I wasn’t up for it. I will leave you with a quote from a book I enjoyed reading. You should give it a look because it has a lot of good stuff in it.

“Progress, not perfection, is what we should be asking of ourselves.”

― Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 2/28/26 Tracy Agnelli 2/28/26

Wishing Work or OCD To Slow down

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I wish either my work or my OCD would slow down a little. I don’t think either one has any intention of doing at this time. I have a better chance of slowing down my OCD, since I’m the one who is supposed to be controlling it.

I told you last week about me getting to places really early. Last night I went to a play across town. About eighteen miles away. I’ve tried going over early to eat, but being by myself I get done quickly to end up getting to the play two hours or more early. This time I decided to save money and eat at home. I would leave later. This is where my OCD comes in. The what if’s come into my head. What if there is an accident that happens a mile in front of you, so you are stuck in traffic for an hour then you would be late. What if something goes wrong with your vehicle, and you have to wait for someone to help you fix it. The what if’s never stop coming in my head. It really bothers me to be late. I even Google directions that told me it was going to take me forty-two minutes. I did leave later, but still got to the play one hour and forty minutes early, which is better than over two hours early. This is going to be harder for me to change than I realize, and not just with going to the play, but everywhere I go.

Another issue I’ve had for a long time is not being able to pick up stuff left outside at work/school like backpacks, water bottles, jackets without using gloves. I have worked in schools for a long time, I have seen a lot of stuff, so I’m cautious. This is my OCD talking to me. The what if’s are in my head again. What if the child is sick, as lice, a spider or scorpion is under them. The what if’s again go on and on in my head. I need to push myself to stop my compulsions with my OCD. The way I did over a year ago. I need to stop making excuses. I need to run my life, not OCD.

Another way OCD came to mind last night was that I am not sure I can date. I haven’t dated in over six years. The person next to me kept licking her finger to turn the page of the program. That drives me nuts. The germs that she is putting in her mouth along with germs from her mouth she is spreading everywhere when she touches everything, by not using sanitizer or washing after she licks her fingers. I know a lot of people do this, however this to me is gross. I know my OCD is the one pushing this. The thing that crossed my mind with date is if I cannot deal with this, then how many other things that people do that I’m not going to be able to handle. One off the top of my head is blowing their nose and not using hand sanitizer or washing after too. I’m going to be nitpicking the person apart on the first time I meet them even before I get to know them. That isn’t fair to them. I will end up just going out on one date after another without building any relationships. This is something I’m going to have to work on with Rachel. It is too much for me to manage alone.

To make a difference in someone's life you don't have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful, or perfect. You just have to care. Mandy Hale

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 2/21/26 Tracy Agnelli 2/21/26

Smoother Week With OCD

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This week was smoother. I saw Rachel, my therapist , on Tuesday. We went over my roller coaster of a week, plus moving my life forward with the stuff I prioritize. Rachel told me she was on another podcast, and I should listen to it. Intrusive Thoughts Unmasked Podcast with Chrissie Hodges. Chrissie Hodges does OCD Gamechangers among everything else she does. OCD Gamechangers does stuff to help support people with OCD. One thing they do is events online and in person, and have people talk about their experience with OCD. There have been two online events that I have experienced. One of the online experiences I told about myself for five minutes to a group of 683, and then the other online experience I just listened to others and their experiences. You have to sign up and pay a small amount like ten dollars to be a part of the online experiences, but the stories and performances that are done are well worth more than that. These are closed sessions, so only the people who paid will see you do and get the replay. The in-person ones are small, around forty people or less. I have been to one of them, and enjoyed it. Now the podcast episode I listened to was about acceptance. There were a total of four people speaking about what acceptance was to them. I really liked the podcast. I felt that Rachel was talking to me about acceptance. She said that we let fear, grief, sadness or anger be in charge of the entirety of what we see instead of being a part of what we are going through. Acceptance is the difference between I hate that this is happening and what matters most in how I choose to respond. One of the others affected me more too, but they were all good. I listened to Rachel’s part twice. This podcast is well worth listening. I came home and started writing what I needed to accept: mom’s passing, putting dad in a home, this is my house now, I don’t have endless amounts of money, Rachel is my therapist and not a friend. These are a few that I had written down. During the week I have added a few more, and might add some more before this weekend is done. Acceptance along with change is hard for me. As I am writing this acceptance and change may go hand and hand. If you have acceptance then is change easier? I’m not sure, but as of this moment I’m thinking it will be.

Another ODC I have that Rachel and I touched on is me not wanting to be late. I need to work on this. I get up early to write. Not just this, but everything from picture books to novels. I may not be very good, however I love doing it. Practice makes perfect. I do this most days. I get to every place anywhere between thirty minutes to an hour early. I have noticed lately that I’m more stressed driving to get to places I need to be at a set time. I’m also going a little faster. I’m talking ten miles an hour, but I don’t need or want a ticket. Once I get to where I’m going I feel relief. Yes, I have to wait, but I’m not late. That is important to me, and has been all my life. I cannot stand being late or people who are late. I don’t care if it is one minute. For my own good I need to fix this, so I can stop stressing and driving fast. I don’t need either one in my life.

At Tai Chi today I realized for the past two or three weeks that I’m paying attention to people. I notice if they cough in their hands, what they sound like, and I’m worried about them sitting in my chair that has my water bottle in it. I’m the only one who doesn’t put it on the floor. If I spent more time talking to people when we were not doing Tai Chi it may help me to stop paying attention to them. I rarely talk to anyone at Tai Chi. I have always had a hard time making conversations with people even if I know them. This is the second time I’m doing this class, and there are about twenty people in it. It has been going on for four weeks now, I would guess I have said a total of fifty words or less the entire four weeks. I know I’m a total introvert. I need to come out of my shell sometime. Are you an introvert who came out of your shell? If so, how did you do it?

“If you’re going to go anywhere in life, you have to read a lot of books.” - Roald Dahl

“The greatest gift that you can give yourself is a little bit of your own attention.” — Anthony J. D’Angelo

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 2/14/26 Tracy Agnelli 2/14/26

Roller Coaster Week - OCD

Thank you for reading,

It has been a roller coaster of a week for me. I have a sweeper to help clean the outside of the school. The service guy came out to check it out because it was not working right.. He touched the pedal of the sweeper with his hand, then proceeded to touch everything else. I have issues with the bottom of my shoes as it is, but after me stepping in poop the weekend before my OCD starts talking to me. Can you believe he is touching where you put your feet without gloves on? That is gross. I told my OCD to stop, and I let him work on the sweeper. I came back about a half an hour later and he had found the problem. He needed to order a part. We shook hands and I went inside to wash my hands because of what he touched. I let the sweeper sit for half an hour to an hour trying not to do another compulsion. I failed. I wiped the sweeper off. Later that day I dropped a bunch of mail on the floor and picked it up without doing anything to it and put it on the table. I wish I could have done that with the sweeper.

A couple of days later a couple of guys were dropping off parts to fix my chillers this weekend while there is no school. Chillers are like big A/C units that circulate cold water all over the school to cool it down. I have a red trash can in my Chiller room for bodily fluids. I only use gloves to touch it because I’m throwing stuff in after cleaning something up, so if I move it, I move it with gloves. Well, one of the guys moved it to put parts for this weekend. I know they didn’t use gloves. My OCD says you should clean the door handles along with other stuff they might have touched. Rachel says to use my eyes. I didn’t see anything, so I moved on, even though I ruminated about it for a while. I never did any compulsions. Ya me!

Then on Friday Artis tells me later in the day that she isn’t feeling good and my mind goes back to her dad having the flu and maybe she might have the flu. Of course my mind went to the worst thing, and this is probably a compulsion by keeping my distance from her when I interacted with her the rest of the day.

Rachel and I have been talking in my sessions about what I want to do with my life, and what are my priorities. Since my mother passed away last year, we had to put dad in a home. I’m by myself for the first time in twelve years. I come home to an empty house. I haven’t dated in over six years, so Rachel is helping me with that too. I was listening to Mel Robbin’s podcast, and she had Debbie Millman on. Debbie had a card deck called, A ten year plan for achieving your dreams, and it was only nine or ten dollars, so I bought it. It takes several hours to go through. For me this wasn’t easy. Especially the one where do I want to be living in ten years. Do you want to be where I’m living now in my parents house where I grew up, which they have had since 1969, move to another house downtown, move to another state, or have an RV traveling the US? Towards the end she wants you to review everything you have written down. I broke down crying wondering if I would do some of the stuff I had written down if I failed my mother because I told her I would do certain things, but now I’m starting to rethink things. I know I need to live my life for me, but I don’t want to go back on my word or disappoint other family members. This isn’t easy for me. I’m going to have to ponder it for a while.

I also had phone calls from where my dad is staying on Thursday and Friday. He is having some issues. Then Friday night my tax person calls me to tell me I owe a lot of money to the IRS for the first time ever, and wants me to recheck my taxes to make sure I gave them everything and everything is fine. Thank you, Friday the 13th.

To finish this roller coaster it is my birthday week. It is fun to have some many people show you how much they appreciate you. I do feel blessed.

Please give me your opinion on anything above.

Brian Tracy - There are no limits on what you can achieve with your life, except the limits you accept in your mind.

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 2/7/26 Tracy Agnelli 2/7/26

Doing To Much

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I have had some allergy issues this week, so I haven’t felt well. When I don’t feel well I become obsessed with not getting worse or sick, or sometimes I think I’m a hypochondriac. I start to ruminate about getting sick too. I start noticing people more, especially at work. If you don’t know, I do maintenance at an elementary school. One person came into work last week for two days and on the third day she left after only an hour. Everyone knew she was sick the first day. Why not stay home, feel better and not get everyone sick? Why do people do this? I know some people don’t have a lot of time or cannot afford to take off, however that 's not a lot of people. If that isn’t enough, then there are all the children who don’t wash their hands and the parents who send their sick child to school. I had to get my thoughts under control, which is hard to do at times. I started taking a garlic bulb a day not to get a sinus infection, plus extra Vitamin C. What made this week worse for me was that I was extremely busy every day except for Thursday, and that was just a normal day. On normal days I get around 18k in steps. I start feeling tired around 25k. On Wednesday I had 31k in steps. When I’m not feeling well my OCD wants to take over again. I need to stop, take a minute to assess the situation before doing a compulsion. Yes, I would believe doing garlic bulb and taking Vitamin C is a compulsion. Compulsions can grow very quickly into being something that runs my life. I don’t want to ever have that again. Rachel told me in my session this week to remember to use my senses, so I put a note on my phone to use my senses on the lock screen. We also went over the would I rather question, mom’s passing, a little about dating, being more social, and to stop trying to do too much.

She wants me to find out what is most important in my life, what I want to do with my life, and to list these things out. We are talking about stuff other than family, etc. I’m overdoing myself by trying to write every day, doing writing contest, I’m taking a writing class for six weeks, do Tai Chi, learn Italian, find a place to go on vacation this summer, deal with fixing the house I’m in along with the place up north, try to have a social life, and try to date, to which I do neither of the last two at all. I haven’t been on a date for over six years. My social life is work. I cannot fit everything in. She also wants me to relax. She is right. I need to take care of myself. Self care is important. I’m going to spend some time this weekend finding out what is important in my life, and slow down on the other stuff.

One last thing, I’m kinda glad that this week was busy for me on February 3, 2026 was the anniversary of my mom’s passing. I believe God and mom had me stay busy, so I didn’t have time to reflect on missing her. Mom told me to enjoy life and remember the good times. That is what I want to do with the rest of my time here on this earth.

“Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind … or forgotten.” —Stitch, Lilo & Stitch

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 1/31/26 Tracy Agnelli 1/31/26

Would You Rather

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At work someone changes the Would You Rather board every other week. This Would You Rather was a little disturbing to not just me, nevertheless I ruminated about it a lot. I wanted to be able to answer the question. I wanted to say I overcame this incredibly hard thing with my OCD. If you don’t know, I have Contamination OCD. I pondered it all the time. I would stop and stare at the board thinking I could do one of these, but which one. My OCD tells me that both can get me sick, however which one would get me the least sick, or is the least discussing to do. I never did answer the question. Here is the question: Would You Rather clean a public restroom without gloves or drink a glass of murky pond water. I know you are probably thinking that after you clean the public restroom without gloves, then you could wash your hands. That to me is still a compulsion, and OCD wins. The way I look at it is OCD won for the reason I wasn’t able to answer the question. What is your opinion?

One other thing that happened this week that I’m still having a hard time with is when I was doing yard work I stepped in feces. Most likely it was a cat because I don’t have any animals, and when my aunt comes to visit she picks up after her dog. She hasn’t been here for several months due to the fact of my plumbing issues. When doing lawn work I wear a N95 mask. I walked several steps in the house on the tile floor before taking off my mask to realize I stepped in something. I went back outside and hosed off my shoes. I did both even though only one had something on it. The feces was only in the arch of my shoe. I took my shoes off right inside the door since they were wet. I started to go get a mop to mop the whole floor on the account of what I stepped in. I stopped. Thought what would Rachel tell me to do. Use your eyes. I didn’t see anything in the area I walked. I thought of how I should mop the floor at the same time I didn’t see anything. I choose not to mop. All night into the rest of week I ruminated on how I should have mopped the floor. I will mop the floor this weekend. I did a compulsion with my shoes. I wiped them off with Clorox Wipes to make sure they were clean. I don’t feel like I did a win by not mopping the floor, since I ruminated a lot about it, and wiped off my shoes with Clorox Wipes. This is a win for OCD in my book. What do you think?

Walt Disney said, “If you can dream it, you can do it.” Can you or do you imagine or dream of yourself beating OCD, anxiety, or whatever you are trying to beat? I don’t do it enough, however I do pray to beat it every day.

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 1/24/26 Tracy Agnelli 1/24/26

2023 Trip to 2026 Trip

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First, the plumbers are done and gone. I got home Saturday morning at 7:30 a.m. by 8 a.m. I was cleaning. I didn’t stop cleaning till 3 p.m. I didn’t get everything I cleaned. The entire house has dust everywhere. The only thing I used Clorox wipes on was in the bathroom. I dusted and wiped with rags. My OCD did test me tons of times. I’m proud of myself. The picture is to show you how bad the dust was, and the recliner wasn’t that close to where they were working.

Talking about being proud of myself, the New York trip I just got back from I am very proud of. I know I did some compulsions and ruminated plenty of times during the trip, but let me compare this 2026 trip to my trip in 2023. There is a huge difference. On my 2023 trip to NY I went for the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Both trips were during the cold season, now the difference is in 2023 I would have sweat coming down my forehead, my hands would sweat and shake while my head and body were on a constant move for the reason I didn’t want anyone or anything touching me. This happened a lot during the trip. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. At the same time it was one of the most rewarding times in my life. Now, this trip I just came back from, I did pay attention to people who sounded or looked sick, did a little compulsions, however there was no sweating from my forehead or hands along with no shaking of any kind. I have come a long way in two and a half years with the help of God and Rachel. If it wasn’t for them I would be a vegetable. I’m sitting here writing this being amazed that with everything that has gone on in my life at the same time of trying to beat OCD that I’m doing as well as I am. If I can do it, so can you. Don’t ever give up on beating OCD, or anything else. Just because it is taking longer than you want it to doesn’t mean you will not achieve it. Keep pushing. One of my favorite quotes is from Martin Luther King JR, “If you cannot fly, then run, if you cannot run, then walk, if you cannot walk, then crawl, but whatever you do keep moving forward. I believe you can do it.

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 1/17/26 Tracy Agnelli 1/17/26

New York

Thank you for reading my blog,

January 14, 2026 - I’m flying to New York today. I've been ruminating for a couple days again because I really don't want to get sick and this morning I've been really worried about it. It just keeps coming back in my mind. I just have to stop. It's because I’ve heard all about the flu being so bad all over, including New York, which is one of the worst places. Now I'm thinking that I should wear a mask in New York all the time. I'm trying not to let OCD win, but it's been difficult when you don't want to get sick. What would Rachel say to me right now? I'm thinking about being sick and wearing a mask in New York. She would say this is your OCD. Tracy, you can do this, don't worry you got this. Does this move you to the place you want to be or OCD. I would say it moves me towards OCD. I would also say God is me.

I've also started thinking about the plumbing and everything else. If they're gonna finish or not. I wish they'd start early, so when I get home on Monday they would be almost done. I know that isn’t going to happen. The one company who's supposed to be talking to the insurance lady didn’t for I got a call the other day from the insurance lady. It's been two weeks, and she's left several messages. The company will not call her back. I called the plumbing company asking, what can I do? The lady from the plumbing company told me that she would call the company and would handle it. I have not been back in touch with them. I'd like to know what's going on. I'm a little stressed about that too because I don't even know if I'm gonna be able to take shower when I get home. I'm trying not to worry about that right now because that's five days from now. I'm hoping I can just enjoy my time in NY. I do think this is all my OCD talking to me, but I’ve been wrong before. I gotta just stop ruminating about it and just push it out of my head, so I can enjoy my trip.

I started thinking about the differences between this trip to NY and my last trip to NY in 2023. HUGE. I will talk about the difference between the trips another time.

The OCD walk only had about a hundred people show up probably because of changing it from October to January. I enjoyed volunteering. I met some nice people, along with finding a writer's group. The writers group is all people with OCD, so I'm glad for that too. It will be nice being with people who have the same thing as you that understand you. I’m thinking about going to the IOCDF conference in July. I think it will be a good learning experience.

January 16, 2026 - This is my third day in NY. I decided not to wear a mask at all. I have done a lot of walking around without a mask. Yes, at times I have worried about getting sick. I pushed through it, and went on with my day. I have done some compulsions, which I am not happy with. The first day when I got to the room I used the restroom, but instead of using the soap to wash my hands I accidentally used lotion. I either had to wipe off the sink knob or use a tissue or a wash cloth to turn it off. I choose to wipe it off. Another compulsion is I shook hands with a man I met this morning at the writer’s conference who you could tell had a cold or something. I choose to wash my hands. I also have not slept well for the reason the bed is hard as a rock along with the pillows are flatter than a paper. I haven’t eaten very well either, so I’m feeling blah. I usually eat at least two pieces of fruit a day, so I went to Whole Foods and bought some apples, yogurt, and my compulsion garlic. Why is garlic a compulsion for the reason it is a natural antibiotic. I might not take it given that it upsets my stomach. We will see. I did take a little nap this morning which did help me feel better. Those were the only three compulsions I did. I guess some people would say that is great. I will not say that. I want to beat OCD completely, so I’m a little disappointed in myself.

January 17, 2026 - I had a good day at the conference. I met and talked to a lot of people along with shaking some hands. I did no compulsions today. Ya me! I’ve had a hard time with ruminating today, even with listening to speakers. I’ve ruminated about getting sick, the plumbers, and what I will find when I get home. Will I have to stay at a hotel? I am a little worried, but I know for a fact it is my OCD. I will aim to not ruminate the rest of the trip. I have one more day of the conference before I fly home on Monday. No matter what, I am going to enjoy my last day in NY.

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 1/10/26 Tracy Agnelli 1/10/26

Plumbing & Walking

Thank you for reading my blog.

This is Wednesday January 7, 2026. Trying to calm down after giving a key to the plumber, and it has been almost two hours. I told him I have Contamination OCD, and he told me he understood. I knew he didn’t, so I went to try to explain it to him, but I had to go deeper when he told me his wife likes things to be neat, so he understood. I went on to tell him that I almost quit my job in 2023, I didn’t touch door knobs, use money, and went on for a while. I was talking fast, I could feel myself start to shake, and was getting really worked up. I started to try to reel myself back in by slowing down, but I couldn’t do it for the reason of I gave him a key to get into the house when I’m not there. My OCD wants me at the house while anyone is there. I want to see everything they touch, so I can wipe it all off. If I’m not there then I will not know what is contaminated or not. What if they sit in my seat at the kitchen table? I’ve had an extremely hard time today thinking of giving the plumbers a key. I started ruminating, so I said the phrase Rachel and my therapist told me to say when I start to ruminate. None of your Fing business. I said it several times. I am still breathing hard and shaking while writing this and I took a shower before writing it. I texted Rachel telling her I gave the plumbers a key because we discussed it yesterday at my therapy session. She told me that I got this. I started to text her back just thanks, and started getting emotional. I had to stop for a couple of seconds to try to do it and I couldn’t. I saw there was a thanks I could just tap on it, so that is what I did as a tear went down my cheek.

At my therapy session yesterday. Rachel never yells at me in any way, but I felt like she scolded me pretty good because of the way I've been reacting with my OCD with all this stuff happening at the house. I needed it. She is a really nice person in every way. I've been bad. I've gone backwards. I've been trying to not go backwards, however this plumbing stuff flipped my switch quickly. I've been with Rachel, 3 years in March, and I know what to do to stop or help myself with my OCD. Even though I knew what to do, and how to help myself, I couldn’t do it. Sometimes it's really hard to help yourself when you feel like you're going through a crisis. That's why you always need somebody to help you through the crisis. To get you back on track, even though you know everything and what to do to help yourself. Sometimes you can't help yourself. My OCD is screaming, literally screaming, along with me ruminating. It has been really tough. I've been trying to reel it back in. It's been a very slow process. I'm glad I Rachel is with me. I thank God for her all the time.

Rachel asked me a question. She asked me if I was in a closet in your house and you didn't want me to see what you wouldn't want me to see you do at the house what would I see? I don't remember how I answered it, but I like this question. The thing is I tell Rachel everything in my life. I don’t hold anything back. I might forget to tell her something, but for the most part I let her have it all. Do you tell your therapist everything?

January 10, 2026 - I went to the Arizona OCD Foundation walk today. There were around a hundred people. I believe there would have been more if it didn’t get moved from October, but it got cancelled due to a bad storm. I volunteered to set up and take down. I enjoyed the entire event. This is the second time I’ve attended the event, and this is the 3rd time they have done it. I met some new people, and one asked me to join a writers group that I am going to join. I am a huge introvert, so I considered this a big win for me. I am trying to push myself to talk to more people and be more social this year. Not sit in the corner all by myself like I usually do.

Before I go, I want to tell you I haven’t slept well since all this plumbing stuff has been going on. I gave the plumber a key to the house on Wednesday, and last night, which was Friday night, was the first night I slept pretty well. I’m wondering if me giving the plumber a key was some kind of release for me. I’m still worried about what the plumbers are going to do and touch without me here, but I feel more at ease with it. What do you think?

I will keep you updated on how the plumbing is coming along. I’m going to a SCBWI Conference in New York on Wednesday. (Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators ) I’m really excited to go. I enjoy writing in my spare time.

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 1/3/26 Tracy Agnelli 1/3/26

Plumbing & New Year

Thank you for reading my blog,

The plumbing company did come back out, and rejetted and cameraed the sewer line again. They got the sewer line unclogged for now, but I need to replace the inside sewer line. I have decided to do the inside sewer line with a different company. They sent out a company to clean and dry the bathroom with machines to which I have to move them out to take a shower every night. When I do this I wipe everything off with Clorox wipes for the reason that everything is contaminated because of the way the cleaners cleaned the bathroom. They sprayed a disinfectant, and then wiped it off without using gloves. They also used their feet to move the towels they used around, then picked them up with their bare hands, then proceeded to touch everything. This is stressful for me in every way. I’m having a hard time sleeping at night just thinking of all the people going to be here along with how gross they are. I watched the new plumbing company person use the camera down the sewer for over forty feet, and the only part he wiped off was the camera end. All the rest of the cable he pulled out using gloves, however he kept the gloves on and touched everything with them. That is really gross to me. I have a lot of moving stuff around before they start in about two and half weeks. I might even buy a tarp to cover my bed. They have to tear out the master bathroom floor as well. They have to walk past my bed to get to the bathroom. They will be less than a foot away from my bed, and I don’t want them accidentally touching it, or stuff getting on it in any way from the sewer. If that were to happen, I would probably not wash the bedding, but throw it away. This may seem a little extreme to you, yet this is sewer from the toilets they are working with. For me this whole experience has been and will be extremely stressful. I will let you know how it all goes.

On the bright side, I did review my year while I was here like Mel Robbins said to do. She said in a podcast that we only remember most of the bad things that have happened to us. To look at your photos to see everything in the past year and write them down while doing it. So I did. The year was rough losing mom, on the positive side from June till now at least one positive experience every month since then. I would have never realized it if I didn’t go through my photos. Thanks Mel. I set up my goals for next year. I did a little writing, reading, and set up a few appointments. My word for last year was courage/faith. I wrote that this year I will have courage to accomplish my writing, traveling, dating and paying off my student loan goals through faith. I am grateful, worthy and blessed. I only put it in my phone notes. This next year I’m going to print it out and post many places for me to see. My word for this year is ENTHUSIASTIC. My phrase for the year is Do It Afraid. Do you have a word or phrase of the year?

If you would like to contact me for any reason, I now have a contact me tab at the top of the page.

January 10, 2026 is Phoenix One Million Steps for OCD Walk. 8:00 a.m. - 10:30 a.m. at Kiwanis Park, Temp, Arizona, Check in at Ramada 14

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 12/27/25 Tracy Agnelli 12/27/25

Plumbing Issues

Thank you for reading my blog,

Saturday night after everyone came over to do some baking, which was five of us in all. I went to the bathroom with no issues and then took a shower and then after an hour I used the bathroom again, and then it started backing up the toilet. I plunged and plunged it, and then I snaked it with a 6 foot snake. It still didn't work, since I was wearing my slip-on shoes that got soaked. I ended up throwing them away because I thought that was gross with them being soaked in toilet water. I wiped off my legs and body with Clorox wipes. I took off my clothes and rewiped off myself. I put on more clothes and went to stay at a hotel because not just the toilet backed up, but it backed up into the shower and the other bathroom as well.

The next day was Sunday, and I was going to go up north to see my aunt with everybody else for Christmas before all this happened. I decided to still go up. I reserved a 75 foot auger at Home Depot. I picked it up on the way home and spent about 3 hours working on the sewer drain before I took it back. I just set the toilet over the hole for now. I ran the water in the shower a little bit. It seemed like it was working. I cleaned the whole entire place up, wiped everything back off, made it nice and neat with Clorox Wipes. I throughout a bunch of towels that soaked up all the waste water. I took a shower and it started filling up only a little, which it does a lot, so I didn’t think anything of it. I needed to wash clothes, so I washed them. I checked the toilet and I didn't see anything running out of the bottom. I thought maybe I got it unclogged. I threw the clothes in the dryer. I went and opened up the door to the bathroom and the bathroom was flooded again. I put more towels down just to keep it from running out into the hallway. I had my bed and other laundry to do, which I didn't do. I cannot sleep on an unmade bed, and I only have one set of sheets. I do have a single bed that my aunt sleeps on when she is in town, but I didn't even think about it. I was so tired with everything, I just ended up sleeping in a reclining chair. I slept horribly. Got up Monday morning, and called a plumber a little after 7 a.m. It took them all day to inspect it, and do a couple of things. There were a total of four guys going in and out of the house. It was a disaster for me. Two of the guys weren't too bad with wearing gloves and not touching stuff after playing with the sewer stuff, but the other two were touching everything, and it was driving my OCD crazy. I tried to make sure I opened the door to let them in and out of the house even if it was the guys who did a good job with wearing gloves and paying attention to what they touched. I decided to have the company do the outside sewer, but not the inside at this time. The outside is the worst right now. It cost me a lot of money to do just the outside sewer. The inside sewer they have to tear up the floor and maybe part of the wall. I cannot afford to do both at this time. They finally left around 4p.m. except for a guy that the company sent to start digging, which he left at 5 p.m. I rewiped and cleaned everything up, put the toilet back on, wiped the shower back off because the one guy who was wearing gloves touched everything after playing with the inside of the sewer. After cleaning everything up I did a load of laundry and then took a shower. It is almost 8 p.m., I can finally rest for the night. This was so hard. I tried not to think about the grossness of the situation, however that is almost impossible with it being right in front of me. I did ruminate, however I didn’t let it get crazy out of control. What I mean is I stayed focused on this situation at hand. I didn’t let my mind wander into fantasy land by over thinking how sick I could get from the sewer stuff, or what I maybe have to amputate because of what I came in contact with. Work with me on this, I’m trying to think positively of how I handle this. I need it right now. It was super hard on me all by myself, and the four guys had no idea how I was feeling. I felt really alone.

Along with all of that going on, I had to use the master bathroom. Let me explain. Dad used to use the master bathroom. The stuff mom and I had to clean up in there, along with the smell I cannot get out of there has made it impossible for me to use it at all. I can still see stuff that isn’t there clear as a bell in my mind. I even had my ex-wife come over to clean it also. She got most of the smell out, at the same time it is a very gross place for me and my OCD to be. I was looking at redoing the entire bathroom because of how gross in my mind it is. I had to reclean the bathroom a little for the reason after the plumbers got the line unclogged, I heard a pop like an air bubble. When I went in there was some toilet water on the seat and the floor. I had to push through it last night, and use it. Unless I wanted to stay somewhere else, which I didn’t want to do. In a positive way of thinking about this it is making me push through my OCD issues with the master bathroom. I still haven’t used the sink. That is another challenge. I am not sure I can do it.

Now it is Tuesday and they sent one guy back to dig. They will hopefully be finished Wednesday Christmas Eve. No, they didn’t finish Wednesday, but they told me that they will finish on Friday. It will take them about two hours. I reinstalled the toilet in the front bathroom, however I cannot use it for the reason I broke the handle putting it back in. I couldn’t buy another hand because everything was closed by the time the plumbers left. I cannot just put away my plumbing tools that I use on certain things. I did wipe off all the tools I used on putting the toilet back in with Clorox wipes before putting them away. I do this at work too. I don’t do it all the time. Only when fixing a toilet or a urinal. I’ve wanted to do some stuff on my Christmas Break from work, instead I have been at home waiting for the plumbers or watching the plumbers. On the positive side, I will be able to get more stuff done away from the house after Friday, and I didn’t have to take off work to deal with the plumbing problem.

They finally got it done today which is Saturday, but three hours later, and after I pulled the toilet again I called them back with the same issue. They are coming back to jet it again. They might scope again too. Not sure. I was just starting to feel less stressed over all of this. I really don’t like people checking out my life no matter if it is someone I know or don’t know. This blog is very long, so I’m going to stop here. I will let you know what is happening next year.

Have a Happy New Year!

If you would like to contact me for any reason, I now have a contact me tab at the top of the page.

January 10, 2026 is Phoenix One Million Steps for OCD Walk. 8:00 a.m. - 10:30 a.m. at Kiwanis Park, Temp, Arizona, Check in at Ramada 14

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 12/21/25 Tracy Agnelli 12/21/25

The Grinch

Thank you for reading my blog,

Before getting into everything let me let you know that Rachel and I talked about wearing a mask on the airplane and not at Disneyland with doubt and reasonable doubt for only a minute, but she did tell me that I wasn’t completely right. She told me we can discuss it more next time to get me to understand. Sorry for not being exactly right. One reason we didn’t get to talk about this so much was I was having some issues with mom’s passing. One of the issues is mom sends out Christmas cards to everyone every year. I’m getting Christmas cards from people who didn’t know she passed. I tried to inform everyone of her passing, but I missed some. I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to respond with a Christmas card back saying she passed. By the way, it is okay to do. I also added my phone number in the card as well if they wanted to talk about it. It was extremely difficult for me to receive the Christmas cards. Another difficult thing for me was decorating this year. It took me two days to decorate the inside of the house only, and I didn’t decorate that much. Let’s move on.

Now for my OCD issue for this week. If you don’t know, I do maintenance at an prek- 4 elementary school. I was asked to put on a Grinch costume for the kids. What I did learn was that people who are claustrophobic cannot wear masks. I’m not claustrophobic, but someone who said they would do it until they saw the costume was. I had some issue with wearing the costume due to the fact that I have OCD. This wasn’t a new costume. Several people have worn it in the past. The office manager talked me into wearing it for the preschool classes. Tracy the costume hasn’t been worn in a year. You will be okay. You don’t want to let the children down. I wasn’t okay, but I didn’t want to let the children down. I also wasn’t having big anxiety over wearing it, which surprised me. I got a little tightness in my chest for a little bit, however once I got around the children most everything went away. It was hot in the mask, especially in the afternoon. I had to put it on twice. The office manager talked me into going to kindergarten, 1st & 2nd grade as well. Kindergarten students were in the cafe practicing for their program later that day, so I went over there to surprise them, but they were running late. One of the teachers dressed up as Santa for some classrooms, and was over in the cafe waiting for kindergarten too. He and I waited in the kitchen until they came in and were on stage steps. He went out first, and I came out a minute later. He says OH NO! Started singing the Grinch song and the children joined in. It was fun. I am glad I did it.

The last two days have been hard on my OCD, but I will write another blog to tell you about it. It would make this blog long. I didn’t do good. It was hard. I will try to get it out this week.

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Don’t let OCD, anxiety, or anything hold you back from doing anything you want to do this Christmas.

P.S. I tried to show you me as the Grinch, but cannot get it to work.

If you would like to contact me for any reason, I now have a contact me tab at the top of the page.

January 10, 2026 is Phoenix One Million Steps for OCD Walk. 8:00 a.m. - 10:30 a.m. at Kiwanis Park, Temp, Arizona, Check in at Ramada 14

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 12/13/25 Tracy Agnelli 12/13/25

Grief, Failure, & Podcasts

Thank you for reading my Blog,

I saw Rachel this week. I had so much to talk to her about that I didn’t get to ask her about my doubt & reasonable doubt with wearing a mask on the airplane and not in Disneyland examples in November 29, 2025 Blog. I will see her again this coming week and promise to ask her about it. Not seeing Rachel for three weeks is a long time. We went over relationship stuff, how I’m doing with Christmas with mom passing, and briefly about my trip. Most of it has to do with my OCD. I need to see her again this week for the reason we didn’t get to everything I felt I needed to discuss with her. One thing is I want to talk about a couple of things in the book she gave me to read, which I finished and gave back to her. Book - Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb. I enjoyed the book. It is about her becoming a therapist, her relationships with parents, and her relationship with her therapist. It was insightful.

This Christmas season has been difficult with losing my mother in February. I do believe my OCD has gotten a little worse due to losing mom. Without Rachel I would have slipped back even worse. OCD attaches onto people where they are most vulnerable. With me it is contamination, and maybe a few others. I start fearing being sick, and not wanting to die young. Even though I haven’t thought about these things in depth, especially dying young. That just popped into my mind now, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t ever thought about it. OCD only needs a little something to grab hold of, then it runs with it. I’m so Blessed to have Rachel help me through this year. On the OCD Whisper Podcast the last two weeks she has talked about trauma and loss. I enjoyed listening to them. Here are the links in order that you should listen to them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHkaj15_-y0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrYg7R3ZF1c

Another podcast I listened to this week that I enjoyed was Mel Robbins. She had Mark Rober on. Mark is a NASA engineer who turned his love of science and education into the #1 science education platform in the world, with 72 million YouTube subscribers. They talk about failure as a positive thing. If I use my failure with compulsions as a positive the way Mark talks about, then it possibly could make me do less compulsions. He wants you to think why you failed at what you are trying to accomplish, and make it better. Why did I set out the notes on my hotel bed? How can I stop doing that? I set the notes out because I don’t want to mix up the pillow I use for between my legs with one that I put my head on. How can I stop worrying about that? I could make the bed every day, but they still might remake it. I could bring my knee pillow with me, and put it away every morning. I just don’t want to take up that much space in my luggage, or have to bring two pieces of luggage. It gets expensive. Is there something else I could do to solve my problem? What do you think I should do? If you want to watch the Youtube video here is the link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRHU-fvsNo0

This past week I’ve been working on changing my language to be more positive towards myself. I have caught myself several times criticizing myself to which I reworded the phrase to be more positive towards myself. I believe the more positive you are with yourself, the more positive you will be with others along with more positive things that will happen in your life.

If you would like to contact me for any reason, I now have a contact me tab at the top of the page.

January 10, 2026 is Phoenix One Million Steps for OCD Walk. 8:00 a.m. - 10:30 a.m. at Kiwanis Park, Temp, Arizona, Check in at Ramada 14

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 12/7/25 Tracy Agnelli 12/7/25

Disneyland

Thank you for reading my blog,

I went to Disneyland with my family. There were fifteen of us in all. I flew and everyone else drove. I wrote down how I was doing during my trip. These are some of my notes.

After getting through the security check point I put on my mask. I took off my mask after getting into Uber on my way to the hotel. I noticed a lot of people coughing and sneezing, especially in their hands on my way to Disneyland. There are a lot of people here. It makes me rethink about not wearing a mask. It has been hard and it has only been six hours. It is going to be a long trip.\

I saw more people sneezing and coughing into their hands. Don’t people care about others anymore? Am I being too ridiculous? Please let me know.

When I came into my hotel room I looked around at it like most people do, except I was looking more closer, and one thing I noticed right away is the one queen bed looked like some sat on the bed, and maybe put their head on the pillow, so I put my luggage on that bed and slept in the other. Everything else was okay until I turned on the shower, and there was a long black hair on the shower handle.

The next day with my entire family at Disneyland, I started to worry about getting sick, with so many people here at Disneyland along with them coughing, sneezing into their hands or not covering their mouth at all. My mind starts ruminating. I even missed something people were talking about because of my rumination. I figured my mind was better spent on listening and communicating with others, however at times I went back to ruminating. I really don’t want to get sick. I know that people can talk themselves into being sick with me having a little more sinuses issues here than in Arizona, getting over tired, and not eating properly, I could get sick without talking myself into it. I'm a person who might be able to talk myself into being sick.

December 6, 2025 - I am a little upset with myself for I put out notes to have the cleaners not to touch the bed. Sometimes Rachel is in my head, and she’s been there most of the week saying two things. One, you choose to do compulsions. Second, you have a choice to move yourself to the life you want or an OCD life. At Disneyland a man is coughing into his hands. One and then the other. I've been counting how many times he does it. I don't know why. It isn't going to be a good today. I have to stop.

I realize right now that I am having a lot of negative thoughts and sayings to myself and blaming my OCD without even trying to be positive. I am going to start thinking and saying more positive things to myself.

I had a hard time today wondering what the cleaners would do in my room. I had to keep pushing it out, and tell myself it would be fine, then I would move on for a little while until it came back in.

The cleaners did follow my notes. Let me explain my notes and why I put them out. I use a pillow between my legs instead of bringing a knee pillow with me on trips. I’m afraid if I let the cleaners make the bed the usual way then I will not know which pillow I used for between my legs. I don’t want to use the same pillow between my legs as my head pillow. I think this is gross. I try not to have them clean at all, I put out notes, or don’t use a pillow between my legs, which I don’t like to do. I also don’t like people coming into my room, and not knowing what they have touched or how they have cleaned. I started doing the notes when I went to New York in 2023. Rachel found out and told me I needed to stop, and let people come in to clean. It is my OCD not letting them in. I will work on this along with several other things.

I wore my mask to fly home today.

I had a really good time. My family knows that I have OCD, but I’m not sure they understand how much is going on in an OCD person's head. It is lonely at times. I also don’t want to bother them with my OCD all the time, especially when we are all having a good time.

I did realize on this trip that I am being more negative, and blaming my OCD on a lot of things that might not be my OCD. I don’t have any examples at this time, but what I think I’m trying to say is it is time to man up. Stop making excuses. I need to do better with all parts of my life that includes my OCD. I need to take my time doing stuff, and if it is tough for any reason, I need to push through it. When I do say or think something negative, I need to right away change my saying or thinking to something positive. Let me end with what I think is a positive in my book. Even with wearing a mask on the airplanes, and doing the hotel room notes, I have to admit that I didn’t wear a mask while I was at Disneyland for four entire days. Yes, I did do some ruminating, however this is a big positive in my book. Always find some positive stuff in your life all the time. We all need it.

If you would like to contact me for any reason, I now have a contact me tab at the top of the page.

January 10, 2026 is Phoenix One Million Steps for OCD Walk. 8:00 a.m. - 10:30 a.m. at Kiwanis Park, Temp, Arizona, Check in at Ramada 14

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 11/29/25 Tracy Agnelli 11/29/25

Time Off

Thank you for reading my blog,

Happy Thanksgiving! I pray it went well for all of you. I survived mine with my family. LOL! My aunt came back down for three days. I still have issues with some of the stuff she does. The biggest one this time is the kitchen sink is clogged again, and hasn’t been bad since she’s been gone. I’m starting to see a pattern. LOL! I know it isn’t her. Now for the issue. She doesn’t want to fill the sink with water when she is waiting for the water to get hot for the dog’s food, so she uses the bathroom sink. My issue with this is that she turns the water on and off without using anything. People use the bathroom and wash their hands after using the bathroom, so if you touch the handles to get hot water then you are contaminating your hand(s) by not using something to turn the water on and off with. Does that make sense to you? I try not to think about everything she touches or watch her do it however sometimes it is hard not too. Instead of doing my tradition of going shopping on Black Friday, I worked on the kitchen sink. It is doing better, but I don’t think I solved the problem. She also puts her shoes on stuff sometimes, which to me is gross. I have talked about everything you step on with your shoes in a past blog, and how gross it is. No need to go there again.

The tradition has been for many years after Black Friday shopping to put up Christmas decorations. I did a little decorating after working on the kitchen sink. It took a long time to decorate so little for it was very difficult for me to do for the first time ever by myself. I thought about not decorating at all. I just couldn’t do that. I took pictures over the years as mom and I decorated, so I could decorate the same way she did. Now that she is gone, for some reason I don’t want to decorate like her, and I don’t think she would want it to. Another reason is that I think of the cost of having everything plugged in. I’m a little bit of a miser, or what mom would call herself a thrifty person. I will probably decorate more, but not this weekend.

I’m going to Disneyland with my family this week. There are fifteen of us going. I have never been there at Christmas. I cannot wait to go. There is a chance of rain a couple of days we are going to be there, however we are not going to let it get us down. It is going to be a Great trip. I decided to fly instead of driving for five to six hours. I like to have control over my trip as much as possible. This way I don’t have to worry about who is driving with who, what time everyone is leaving or meeting some place. Less chaotic for me. It is probably being a little selfish, however I feel it is okay to be selfish from time to time.

As for my OCD on this trip, it isn’t welcome. That doesn’t mean it will not show up. I have to go on doing things normally, nevertheless I have to pay attention that it doesn’t show up, or get out of control. Yes, I will wear a mask on the airplane. I will not wear a mask at Disneyland. There are a lot of people in both places, so why only wear a mask on the airplane? What is the difference? I have known a lot of people to get sick after flying. An airplane is enclosed, so I feel that it has a higher percentage of getting sick. I would rather wear a mask at Disneyland too, however I feel my OCD is the one telling me to wear a mask at Disneyland. I’m going to try to explain my reasoning. Me wearing a mask on the airplane is reasonable doubt. I actually know several people who have gotten sick flying to their vacation destination or back from it. Disneyland is an obsessional doubt to me for the reason I’m worried about getting sick before, during, and after vacation. Yes, people do get sick when on vacation, and at Disneyland. Me feeling that everyone at Disneyland is sick or contaminated without any evidence from my senses is my OCD talking. I pray I explained the difference between wearing a mask on an airplane and not Disneyland the right way. If not, I will hear it from Rachel when I see her in a week and a half.

Please don’t give up on beating your OCD, or anything else you are trying to beat. You are closer than you think to beating it.

If you would like to contact me for any reason, I now have a contact me tab at the top of the page.

January 10, 2026 is Phoenix One Million Steps for OCD Walk. 8:00 a.m. - 10:30 a.m. at Kiwanis Park, Temp, Arizona, Check in at Ramada 14

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 11/22/25 Tracy Agnelli 11/22/25

Bath Towel Issues

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My week started with the office manager coming back to work feeling a little better after being sick on Friday with a fever. I kept a distance from her, along with her coming back to work not at a hundred percent, then later in the day a kid got sick that I had to clean up. This makes me start to ruminate about getting sick for the reason I’m going to Disneyland with my family in a couple of weeks and do not want to get sick. I really will have to push myself not to ruminate about getting sick along with not doing compulsions. It will not be easy. Some days I feel I’m doing great with my OCD, and other days I feel like I’m headed back towards 2023 again. This is mostly since mom passed away in February. Rachel keeps me on the right path.

Talking about Rachel. I had therapy on November 18, 2025 - We talked about me writing an apology email to her on how I reacted to her suggesting to put a toothbrush holder in the bathroom last time. How my apology email is my OCD apologizing. After she explained it to me it made sense that it is my OCD apologizing. I did bring up to her at the end of my session about washcloths in the hall closet along with buying new washcloths and towels. I also mentioned that I still do not keep my towel in the bathroom that I use to shower with. She said something like I need to keep it in the bathroom. I told her I’m not ready for that. I was a lot nicer this time for the reason I was prepared for when I brought it up. I’m having a hard time with leaving my towel in the bathroom and reusing it with people using the bathroom, even if it is only one person going in the bathroom. Them touching it before, during and after using the bathroom, or even them breathing/coughing on it bothers me. I would have to change it on a daily basis. I am very bothered by this. Maybe even distraught. The bath with the shower is a very very small bathroom that everyone who comes over uses. I’m not ready to put my towel in the bathroom yet. I put my toothbrush and toothpaste in the bathroom in a holder. I know I need to eventually put my towel in the bathroom seeing that it is my OCD keeping me from doing it. I know I’m procrastinating doing it. Rachel along with others will tell me it will only get harder to do. That might be true, but for right now I cannot do it. I know the only person I’m hurting is myself by not doing it. What is really ridiculous is that I’m the only one here right now. My aunt will not be here until Tuesday and my niece till Wednesday, so I could put my towel in the bathroom at least till then, but I still don’t. That is how strong my OCD is holding me hostage right now about putting my towel in the bathroom. The thing is that there are a lot of what if’s that come in my mind. Let’s call it what it is. I’m ruminating about my towel being in the bathroom. It’s time to move on. As I was walking out the door I told her I was thinking about trying a dating app. She told me that she knows people who have used a dating app and it went well for them, and we will discuss that next session. The reason I’m thinking about using a dating app is I haven’t dated in over six years, I’m an introvert, I don’t drink or do drugs of any kind, and I’m not in any social circles. I feel I’m ready to date again. Have you tried a dating app? If so, how was it?

Thursday was the Thanksgiving meal at work. Before moving on if you don’t know I work doing maintenance at an elementary school prek - 4th. The week before Thanksgiving Break the school does a Thanksgiving meal and invites the children's families to join them for the meal. There will be music with decorations. I had a hard time with Rachel in my head telling me that I choose to do the compulsion. She said it to me in therapy on Tuesday again when talking to her about how I cannot put my towel in the bathroom for I would have to change it every day. She told me no I don’t that I choose to do the compulsion. She is right. Today I helped out and didn’t wear gloves, so I washed my hands after doing the trash or helping with the tables when I got stuff on my hands. With the trash I washed them every time because I cannot get out of my head that it is trash. Meaning in my mind it is stuff that is gross or not wanted, so it is contaminated. I did good with the tables for the reason the only time I washed my hands was when I got something on them like mash potatoes, gravy, milk, etc. At home I dump the trash with gloves, but I now put a new trash bag in without gloves. I also dump the recycling can into the outside one without gloves now.

I do have a lot to work on, at the same time I have come a long way. I don’t want you to think that my struggles with my own OCD right now or ever is discouraging for you to not try to beat your OCD or anything else you are trying to beat. I’m writing this blog to help show you my daily struggles with my OCD. How far I have come. How I will not give up, or let OCD beat me down the way it did ever again. Yes, I have stuff I struggle with every day despite that I’m doing really good with my OCD. I didn’t quit my job in 2023, I’m not home bound, I get to hug people again, and get to do a lot of other things because I keep pushing through my struggles with the help of God and Rachel. Thank you to both.

If you would like to contact me for any reason, I now have a contact me tab at the top of the page.

January 10, 2026 is Phoenix One Million Steps for OCD Walk. 8:00 a.m. - 10:30 a.m. at Kiwanis Park, Temp, Arizona, Check in at Ramada 14

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 11/15/25 Tracy Agnelli 11/15/25

Time With My Aunt

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My aunt came down for three days to see my dad. It sounded like they both enjoyed it. It wasn’t a horrible time dealing with my aunt, but it wasn't super easy either. We are just two different people from different eras. She is from the sixties/seventies, I’m from the eighties. My OCD wasn’t to bad with my aunt and her dog around. My OCD was paying attention to them, but not everything they did. My aunt is very mindful of my OCD. I think she feels she is helping my OCD by bringing her own wash cloth and towel for one thing. I do all the dishes in the dish washer when she comes down for several reasons. One, it gives us more time to talk and hang out. Two, I don’t like the way she does dishes. She is fun to have around. I did get a toothbrush holder and put it in the bathroom the first day my aunt got her. It still bothers me having my toothbrush and toothpaste in the bathroom. Having my stuff breathed on, or sneezed on bothers me a lot. I’m glad my aunt was the only one here so far. I think it will make me get me moving on fixing up the other bathroom quicker. LOL! I still smell the shaving cream in the other bathroom. I will have to put some vinegar in there to see if I can get rid of the smell.

I think I’ve said this before that I have my own wash clothes and towel that I use in my bedroom. I have never used the ones in the hallway for the reason I didn’t like the way my mother did laundry. Now, I have re-washed all the towels and washcloths in the hall closet, yet I still use my own in my bedroom. I have recently thought about putting my own towels and washcloths in the hall closet. On the other hand, I don't want anyone to use my stuff, or at least my towels. I have one towel for the summer and one towel for the winter. Summer towel is thicker and slower to dry, and the winter towel is thinner and quicker to dry, plus my winter towel is a NY Giants towel. I have also thought about buying all new towels and washcloths. Kinda like a new beginning. Mom rarely bought new towels and washcloths. I was thinking if they were all the same that maybe I would start using them. Another issue I just thought of is having my towel in the bathroom to dry. Right now, I put my towel in a special place in my room to dry, so I can reuse it again. If I hung my towel in the bathroom, then I would replace it every day since everyone who came in would breathe on it or touch it in some way. I cannot have that. This is just another OCD thing for me to work on.

I had a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday for my annual exam. This wasn’t easy for the reason I haven’t been wearing a mask. I don’t want to get sick besides there are sick people who go to the doctors office. I started to bring a mask with me however I decided to leave it at home. I did sit as far away as possible from people. It was a little unnerving for me, even so it went better than I thought it was going to go. I did have some tightness in my chest along with my palms being a little sweaty other than that I had nothing else. After getting into the back office my body relaxed. This was a big win for me with my OCD. I’m very proud of myself. You should be very proud of yourself too. Celebrate every victory, even the small ones you have against OCD or anything else. It isn’t stupid to celebrate something even as small as turning on a light switch with the tip of your finger. Yes, I did celebrate doing that. It was a big win for me at the time.

If you would like to contact me for any reason, I now have a contact me tab at the top of the page.

January 10, 2026 is Phoenix One Million Steps for OCD Walk. 8:00 a.m. - 10:30 a.m. at Kiwanis Park, Temp, Arizona, Check in at Ramada 14

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 11/8/25 Tracy Agnelli 11/8/25

Change Isn’t Easy

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I did try sleeping in the master bedroom, and it went okay. On Sunday, after a lot of measuring in addition to plenty of thinking, I decided to move the bed frame along with several other items into the master bedroom. I felt that I had to for the reason I believe it was best for me to beat my OCD. Most if not all of my not moving into the master bedroom has to do with my OCD. I haven’t let anyone in my room, or even look in my room in twelve years. I really don’t like people being around my stuff. What if they touch it? What if their hands are dirty or they are sick? This goes especially for my bed. I only have a top sheet on the bed, so before I leave for the day I put on a bed spread an ex-girlfriend made me. I need to buy another bed cover of some sort. This will also protect people from touching my sheets and pillows I hope. Another reason I don’t like people around my stuff or look at the way I live is I feel they judge me. Yes, this bothers me a lot, even if they don’t say anything. If they cannot see the way I live, then there can be no judgement. Right? Another reason I felt it was a good idea to try out the master bedroom for a while is that the bedroom I've been in for over twelve years is small and very crowded. I know that it needs a deep cleaning along with a painting. Plus, I have Rachel in my head pushing me like she always does, telling me to push through my OCD. My rumination started later Sunday with everything I mentioned. Plus my ex-wife is coming over to clean the master bathroom to try to get the smell out from my father that I couldn’t get out. This bothered me a lot, even though I was married to her for eighteen years, so she knows me very well. I still worried about what she was going to touch after cleaning the bathroom. Did she use gloves? Did she wipe down everything with Clorox wipes after words to sanitize everything she touched? Did she also wash her hands after cleaning even if she wore gloves? My rumination list goes on, but you get the point. I’m having a hard time not wiping down the bathroom with Clorox wipes to sanitize the bathroom. I know if I do, then my OCD will win. I will be disappointed in myself if I do wipe down the bathroom. It hasn’t been easy. The verdict is still out if the smell from dad is gone. I will know for at least a week.

Now, let me tell you about my therapy appointment on Thursday. First, let me mention that before I go to appointments, meetings, and sometimes see people that I will think about what we will talk about, what questions and answers that I might ask or answer with. This is a type of OCD. I’ve asked Rachel about it before. I don’t know what it is called. That being said, at therapy I have my list of things to talk about, and have thought about how therapy might go. Therapy doesn’t always go exactly as I have planned, however it isn’t too bad anymore. This week Rachel got my OCD going. She told me she hasn’t seen my OCD fight back this hard since before I was going on my trip to New York in 2023. I let her have it with everything I had. She always is so relaxed, nice, and kind to take everything I push at her with. She knows exactly what to say and do. She will not let my OCD control the therapy session in any way. She is a great therapist. My OCD kept fighting with all its might regardless Rachel doesn’t give up on me. I was squirming, and feeling really, really, really uncomfortable with what Rachel wants me to do this week. The entire hour and half drive home, into the next, and even as I write this I am having issues doing what Rachel wants me to do. She wants me to put my toothbrush in the hallway/everyone bathroom on the sink in a toothbrush holder. This might not seem hard to do, however to me this is extremely difficult. Why? Let me remind you of my contamination OCD. I have my toothbrush and toothpaste in a basket with my vitamins I take every morning. She first wanted me to put the entire basket in the bathroom like on the back of the toilet where if a guy or a small child could lose control, which they do sometimes, and pee all over the place along with on my stuff. That is gross. That is when Rachel changed to putting my toothbrush in a toothbrush holder on the counter. This isn’t much better. People will not only breathe their germs on my toothbrush, they could also sneeze on my toothbrush. My aunt is coming down to stay with me on Monday for about four days, and will bring her dog. The dog could sneeze, then I would have dog stuff on my toothbrush. Yes, I’m still having a lot of issues even writing this right now. My hands are sweating, and my chest is heavy, which means to me that I need to put my toothbrush in the hallway bathroom. Please let me know what you think about me putting my toothbrush in the hallway bathroom or not.

If you would like to contact me for any reason, I now have a contact me tab at the top of the page.

January 10, 2026 is Phoenix One Million Steps for OCD Walk. 8:00 a.m. - 10:30 a.m. at Kiwanis Park, Temp, Arizona, Check in at Ramada 14

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 11/1/25 Tracy Agnelli 11/1/25

I Feel Like A Real Person Sometimes

Thank you for reading my blog,

Sometimes I feel like a real person doing not so smart stuff like when I get in a hurry, or trying to do more than one thing at a time. I turned around really quick to walk into a cement pillar, or coming out of Trader Joe’s to go to my vehicle and thought the car was going to keep going and I would walk behind it, to have it stop for me to walk into it. I hurt my nose pregood on the cement pillar, and hurt my hand on the car. They could have been worse. I need to slow down. I take Tai Chi on Saturday’s at a community college. I’m having a hard time slowing down. The instructor tells me at least once a week to go slow. I say all of this given the fact my OCD some days feels like it is crippling me.

Quick story. My ex-wife asked me why I haven’t moved into the master bedroom, since my mom passed away and we put dad in a home. The first thing on my mind was I wasn’t ready, but after thinking about it the next day, I realized it wasn’t about me not being ready. It was about me not wanting to give up my routine. I like routines. I also don’t like change. They probably go hand and in hand. I decided to move just the box spring and mattress into the master bedroom today to give it a try for the night. I see a lot of issues. I also see a lot of potential. One thing that bothers me the most is when there is a gathering people use the master bathroom. I have told you before that I like my privacy. This would make my whole life vulnerable, which I don’t like. I like my shell. At therapy this week I told Rachel about all of this. She thinks I should try it.

I like feeling normal even though it doesn’t happen all the time. Even if the normal is me being a Klutz.

I told you last week I was going to make a list of my compulsion, which I didn’t do. I will do a list off the top of my head on my compulsion. First, is one I forgot about until I was talking to Rachel on Thursday. I have a chair I keep clean. I only sit in it after I have showered or first thing in the morning before I get dressed. I don’t want to take things like pollen to bed with me to make my sinus worse. In 2023 Rachel had me sit in it before I took a shower and then after the shower. Since all this stuff has happened with my parents, I’ve been having the chair clean. It might be a little longer that I’ve been doing this again. I’m really not sure. My daughter gave me another chair, which I use before I take a shower. That is one compulsion. Putting on my shoes, or doing anything with my shoes, I wash. Taking out the trash anywhere I use gloves. I put bags back in the trash can at home now without gloves, so that is an improvement. I cannot pick up trash on the ground at work without putting it in a trash can without gloves. By the way, I work at an elementary school K - 4. I didn’t wear gloves the other day to move cafe tables around, and my hands felt dirty and sticky after two sets of tables. I finished moving all the tables before washing my hands. The next time I moved them I used gloves again. Watering the yard or plants outside with a hose I would wash my hands. This week I have worked on not washing my hands and have done pretty good. After putting the laundry in the wash I will wash my hands. The clothes and everything else I am washing are dirty. This makes sense to me. Next, I wash dishes by hand for the reason I’m the only one here. After making sure both sinks are clean with clean hot water, and the dishes sit for at least three minutes, then I will wash them only after I wash my hands. If I don’t dry the dishes right away, when I come back I will wash my hands to put them away.

If I’m feeling normal being a Kluz, then I’m okay with that for the reason that for a lot of my life the last thirteen or so years I haven’t felt even close to normal, or close to my family and friends. Cherish every moment you feel normal, even if someone calls you a kluz, a dork, or anything else due to the fact they don’t know what your OCD is doing to you most of the time.

A quote that feels right at this moment is by Brene Brown - “Stay Awkward, Brave and Kind.

If you would like to contact me for any reason, I now have a contact me tab at the top of the page.

January 10, 2026 is Phoenix One Million Steps for OCD Walk. 8:00 a.m. - 10:30 a.m. at Kiwanis Park, Temp, Arizona, Check in at Ramada 14

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli