Tracy Agnelli 7/4/26 Tracy Agnelli 7/4/26

OCD & Routines

Thank you for reading.

Happy 4th of July!

I have several routines that I do every day. I know everyone has routines that include morning, night, when you get to work. I have them too, however mine have become OCD driven. Most of mine are religious related. I pray the same prayer for myself and a similar prayer for my family and friends, then at the end I will pray for other things. I feel if I don’t pray this prayer something bad will happen to me or my family or friends along with them or I will not get blessings. This takes me about half an hour or longer to do every day. I haven’t realized how stressful this has been for me. I also have twenty plus verses I say on a daily basis. I’m afraid of forgetting them.

For several weeks now at therapy we have been discussing how my prayers have become OCD driven. With me having OCD as well as thinking something bad will happen or blessing will not come to family, friends or myself is what makes this OCD. This may sound weird to people who don’t understand OCD, nevertheless OCD makes me keep doing my prayers and my verses like this over and over again. OCD is very powerful.

Another routine I have which is OCD is filling out my gratitude journal the same way in the beginning every time. This is not my new gratitude journal for my OCD. This is also religious for I start out by thanking God for everything I’m about to write down. I then write down seven lines worth of the same stuff before writing down anything new. I also make sure I fit three days exactly on one page, and to not go over to the next page.

With all this religious stuff going on, I thought about talking to one of the pastors at church, instead I decided to talk to God directly one day last week along with Rachel’s great help I feel better. I’m not cured of these issues by any means. Rachel and I have a lot of work to do, but I feel less stressed than I have been.

I didn't sleep all week, between dancing coming up this weekend and going to therapy. I’m a little nervous about this weekend due to the fact I’m not good at social situations along with I’m not good at dancing. I will be at the convention for three days.

Rachel pushing me is great help for me, since I hesitate to push myself sometimes. Therapy takes me around fifty minutes to get there. Rachel has been trying to get me to stop thinking about being late, but look at it as less extremely unreasonably early and not late. I left work sixty three minutes before my therapy session, which I usually will leave at least an hour and half if not more to make sure I’m there on time. It took me fifty three minutes to get to therapy. I had to talk myself into not speeding or doing anything else stupid, which I did. Once I got most of the way there I knew I wouldn't be late so I started to relax. I think I told you that I started using Google maps to drive places, which has helped. Google rerouted me because of a car on fire on the highway. As you can see Rachel was right, yet again. It is irritating to me, why I still want my OCD to be right sometimes. This isn’t good.

Therapy was a little stressful. Rachel doesn't forget anything. I talked about everything under the sun, and then the subject of me touching my shoes came up. I told her I started with my slip ons, and was working my way to my work shoes. I explained how my work shoes have gross stuff on them because I clean up vomit, unclog toilets etc. That didn't matter. In the end, Rachel is right that my OCD is telling me this. I cannot remember her exact words, but I had to rip off the band aid, which seems harsh, but she worded it a lot better and nicer. She is a Great therapist. She knows when to push me and when not too. I needed a big push. Right there in the office I touched my shoes. Not the bottom of them. Rachel touched her shoes too, but she touched the top and bottom of her shoes.

Touching my shoes was really tough for me. I felt tightness in my chest and my hands were a little shaky, however I didn’t break into a sweat. Since going to therapy, I have been keeping up on touching my work shoes.

I got to the Phoenix 4th of July dance convention in Scottsdale, AZ on Thursday and checked into the hotel. The first workshop wasn’t till 7 p.m., then a social dance right after. Me trying to not be supper early decided to get to the ballrooms exactly at 7 p.m. for the reason I thought I could just show my ticket and go in. I was wrong. There was a check in process that I didn’t realize opened at 4 p,m. By the time I got into the workshop I was twenty minutes late, so I just watched and learned what I could. I didn’t do any social dancing after the workshop either. I wasn’t feeling confident and a little socially awkward, so I watched, then went back to the room for the night.

Friday was a lot of fun. I did a total of seven hours of workshops. I watched the competitions for about two hours. I talked to a gentleman who has done dancing for over thirty years and gave me some good advice. I didn’t get to bed until 11 p.m. I will let you know how Saturday goes next week.

We all fail at something. I’m constantly failing at beating my OCD, but I will not give up on beating it completely. I believe that someday I will be completely free of OCD in my life. Don’t give up on beating OCD. Don’t let OCD win.

I can accept failure. Everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying. - Michael Jordan

I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. - Michael Jordan

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

https://iocdf.org/programs/conferences/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20295458322&gbraid=0AAAAAD3KKFE7_I6w2iG6UR0ya0vTONg42&gclid=Cj0KCQjwzOvEBhDVARIsADHfJJRvqrNH9UmVG9j-5QUox1fhxUldNOWw1CDKoTQnUecpSXilr_4heKoaArw2EALw_wcB

Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 6/27/26 Tracy Agnelli 6/27/26

OCD & Not Being Defeated

Thank you for reading,

Let’s start with I went to the lung doctor to have her tell me that I’m not crazy. I do have issues with my lungs. I’m moderate to severe with my lung issues, which isn’t good, but I’m glad that someone has found something wrong with me. This has been going on for over two years. They gave me an inhaler to try, and told me that it will take two weeks to get you to start to feel better. Well, four days into me taking it I felt really tired, and started to feel like I was getting sick. Long story short, I stopped taking it to which I feel a lot better. I’m waiting for the doctor’s office to call me back with a different inhaler.

I didn’t have an issue with my OCD going to this type of doctor for the reasons it is not a doctor that is seeing a lot of different sicknesses like the flu or Covid, etc, and the season for sickness isn’t in the summer time most of the time.

Last weekend I got to see my new grandson for the second time. While I was burping me he decided to turn his head to spit up on my new shirt and my arm. My son was very nice by wiping off my arm. My daughter was nice to tell me it will not stain my shirt. Me on the other hand is thinking how gross this is, and I would like to wash off. Since I don’t get to see or hold him too much I decided to try to ignore my rumination about the spit up, and enjoy my grandson. Once I gave him up, I went swimming, then changed my shirt afterwards. I’m glad I brought another shirt.

I was painting the stairwell bottom side area because the paint was wearing off all the way up the stairs on both sides of three stairwells. I had to sit and kneel to paint along with putting my hand and arm on the ground. This wasn’t easy for me. It took me a day and half to do. I had a hard time not ruminating about how many people walked on the stairs along with where they have walked and what they have walked on. There were several times I almost used my wet painting rag to wipe both of my hands and arms off, however I resisted the temptation along with the temptation of washing off. I have had a hard time not ruminating about how gross this is, even now while writing this.

I’m really glad I had therapy this week. I had a lot on my mind in addition to being very stressed. I had so much to vent that I took up over half the session. The thing is I’ve been stressed for a long time. Rachel, my therapist, has been working on it with me alongside working on my OCD at the same time. OCD is stressful, at the same time some of the stuff I do or the way I do stuff I cause myself more stress. The way I do some of this stuff is OCD like arriving too early for everything I do. Another thing, I think we came up with is I’m a people pleaser. I want to help everyone and I never say no. I believe I need to learn to help myself more first.

Things I need to work on are touching shoes, since I have issues with the ground and shoes, along with not arriving so early to any place I’m going. I need to learn it is okay to be a couple of minutes late to place that it isn’t the end of the world. If it takes me forty minutes to get to some place I’m going, then I need not leave until forty-five minutes beforehand. This is what Rachel told me. This is going to be really hard for me to do. Just writing this I’m having issues with tightness in my chest and hands are a little sweaty.

I went to Tai Chi this morning, and tried to plan to get there ten minutes beforehand. I needed gas, so I left a little early. I still got there eighteen minutes early. I have to tell you that even leaving this late bothers me a lot. I watered plants along with doing a couple of other things to try not to leave so soon in addition to being a little stressed talking to myself that I will not be late just less extremely unreasonably early as Rachel told me to remember. I talk to myself telling myself that I don’t need to speed that I will still get there on time. I didn’t speed once.

Getting there not as early as I normally do I didn’t get my normal seat to which the seats were very close together this week. This bothered me due to the fact I like a little space, also the lady on one side of me was coughing a lot even with taking a drink every so often. The lady on the other side kept putting her feet on her seat, and you know how I feel about bottoms of shoes, so you know how much this bothered me.

I still felt stressed most of the time, but it lessened quicker this week. Other than all of that Tai Chi went pretty good this week. I mean that sincerely. I enjoyed it a lot.

Last night at dancing, no men brought shoes, so I didn't have to worry about looking for a pair. If there would have been a pair of shoes that I liked I would have taken them just to tell my OCD that I was in charge. At the social dance, I danced one time and then left. The reason I danced was because a lady told me not to leave until I danced with her. I left right after that dance. I could have stayed last night since for the summer I’m working four tens and I wasn’t tired.

My OCD was talking to me again saying things like you are on a schedule, you have Tai Chi in the morning along with I’m still working on my social issues too. Another part is the person I was dancing with kept telling me to get in the rhythm of the music or the beat. I have a hard time with this. I have no rhythm when it comes to dancing or anything else. I’m not going to give up on dancing. I am going to the Phoenix 4th of July, which is a lot of dancing happening for four days to which I’m going for three days.

We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated. Maya Angelou

We all go through a lot in life then to add on anxiety of any kind makes things a little more difficult. We must not let ourselves get defeated. Remember to take care of yourself by loving yourself with love, kindness, compassion along with loving words to yourself. Try a gratitude journal for three months. The results may surprise you.

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 6/20/26 Tracy Agnelli 6/20/26

OCD & Gratitude

Thank you for reading,

I have a gratitude journal I write in every night. I have done this for years. On occasions I write down something about my OCD. On June 9, 2026 in the book On This Bright Day, it talks about gratitude. It said to find new things to appreciate. It got me thinking about how I don’t appreciate my small wins with my OCD. Then I remembered when I started therapy Rachel had me do this by writing stuff I was proud of. I decided to have a gratitude journal for just my OCD. I started last Sunday. I told myself that I will find one thing a day to be grateful for and appreciate about how I did with my OCD for that day, even if I had a horrible day there still will be one thing to find.

This got tested this week. I woke up Wednesday morning to go eat breakfast and my feet felt wet in the hallway. I turned on the hallway light and opened up the door to the water heater to find it was leaking. It’s thirteen years old, so it was time. I turned off the water to the water heater just in case it decided to break all the way to where I only have forty gallons of water all over the house and not more. I did start to drain it, before leaving for work. Yes, I went to work. I figured I couldn’t call the plumbers until 7 a.m., along with we start at 5 a.m. during the summer, so I didn’t have to take so much time off. Even though I could have replaced the water heater myself, I decided against it for the reasons of it being a gas water heater, and I didn’t have help. I have never replaced a gas water heater before. I have helped replace one, but that isn’t the same thing. You have to be careful with gas, so I will leave it to someone who knows what they are doing.

The plumbers came out later Wednesday to assess the situation. Yes, it needed to be replaced. The man who came out is the same one who came out for the drains in the house earlier this year. When this company comes out they put on shoe covers to cover their feet for the reason of being plumbers, and not knowing everything they have gotten into. This is nice, but they keep taking them on and off every time they go in and out of the house. Yes, this bothers my OCD just a little. It bothers me that they touch the shoe cover on the inside and the outside which they have walked on with their shoes both inside and outside of the covers. Shoes walk on a lot of different things throughout the day. He went into my hallway bathroom that has the shower, and touched stuff including the shower knob. Since my shower only has one knob means there is no water to the shower. He did try to get someone to come out to replace it that day, but it just couldn’t be, so I was without a shower for a day. They came out the next day to replace the water heater.

The good and the bad. We will start with the bad. I did compulsions with the bathroom by wiping off stuff the first plumber touched along with changing out my towels. The good is that I didn’t wipe off anything else any of the plumbers touched. Are you wondering why the bathroom. That is where I get clean, and my towel should be clean too, so if someone goes into the bathroom and the shower, then it bothers me. Now, if he wouldn’t have gone and touched my towel with his clothes or the shower with his hands, then I probably would have made a case for myself to not do any compulsions. I would have ruminated about it for a while to decide whether to do something or not. It wouldn’t have been as easy a decision as it was for me. I’m not proud of what I did, but it shows me that I know I still have a ways to go to have OCD be completely gone from my life. I cannot just keep looking at the negative with my OCD, so I started a gratitude journal to focus on the positive. I wrote down that I’m still grabbing the door handle of the house the plumber touched as he was leaving the house. This might not seem much to some people, at the same time people with OCD this is big. I will take a win with my OCD where I can get it.

Another issue I’m having is at dancing with people who bring their own dancing shoes, and change them out without washing or sanitizing their hands. I know it’s my Contamination OCD in my head telling me how gross this is. I have started to ruminate on it when I’m at dance, however I have been able to stop my ruminating after only a couple minutes. I still go dance with people who have changed their shoes. I don’t do any compulsions. Ya me! This is a big win for me too.

At the end of the lesson the teacher of the dance class makes some announcements. Before I move on let me say I’ve only been dancing eight to ten weeks. I’m going to stick with it for a while. This week she told us there is going to be a shoe donation or sale next week. Dancers who have a lot of shoes can either donate them to others or sell them. I cringed at hearing this. Putting on someone else's shoes bothers me a lot. You don’t know anything about them. I know this is my OCD talking to me big time. You can spray the inside of the shoes just in case someone has something. Another thing you might not know about me is I worked at a bowling center for almost ten years. I wore the bowling shoes others put on before getting my own and after when I learned to bowl with the opposite hand. Another thing you are thinking is don’t you try shoes on at the store? I do on occasions. My reasoning with this is that they are new and not a lot of people have tried them on, if any. I usually look for the ones that the inside paper isn’t messed up. Why does it bother me? It shouldn’t, but it does. That is why I know it is my OCD.

I don’t know if I want a pair of dancing shoes or not. What is the difference between them compared to dress shoes or sneakers? I don’t know and have never asked or looked into it. I am going to the fourth of July dance weekend in a couple of weeks to which I’m praying to get a discount on a room that I missed by a week. I emailed someone and am waiting to hear back. Wish me luck.

I know life has a lot of obstacles that happen to all of us, on top of that, if you have some type of anxiety like OCD it makes life some days even harder. Every win I can put down in my OCD Gratitude Journal is big to me, no matter how big or small it is. I like and need to see some positiveness in all parts of my life especially on the bad days with my OCD. I figure I can go back to reread what I’ve written down in the past if I ever need a boost, or to show myself that I have done some hard things to beat my OCD. I believe I remember someone told me once that our brains are wired to remember the negative more than the positive. You may think about starting an OCD Gratitude Journal to remind yourself on a daily basis of what you’ve accomplished combined with being able to go back to reread it when you need a boost. You never will know if it works until you try it.

"Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings." — William Arthur Ward

We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. - George Bernard Shaw

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 6/13/26 Tracy Agnelli 6/13/26

OCD and Homeless People

Thank you for reading,

During my last therapy session, Rachel and I talk about how I have a hard time with the homeless people. Before I move on let me just say that I believe this is my Contamination OCD. She asked me, why do they bother me? What can I not do with them? At first I said that I didn’t know. She told me to think about it. I’m scared to even go give them water, or to approach them in any way. I know they are people who are in hard times, but that doesn’t matter to me. After thinking about it, I said I didn’t know what they might do or how they would react. Maybe they might lunge at me or attack me. I didn’t say this in the session nevertheless I know them being dirty is part of it due to the fact it bothers my Contamination OCD.

Rachel told me that a lot of times the homeless are the victims of things like being robbed, etc. I had no idea. I feel embarrassed writing this. I wonder how many people like me are scared to go talk or give someone water because of the way they look or don’t understand them.

The reason I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately is because I read a book a couple of months ago called Undercover Kindness by Jimmy Darts. It is a really good book. He started out by posting random acts of kindness on social media and it took off from there. He could just go up and talk to people anywhere. I cannot do that. My mother could and did. LOL! I’m a big introvert.

Rachel then said how about you volunteering with the homeless. I used to volunteer many years ago, and enjoyed going to help at food banks, cleaning up parks, cooking, etc. You can start out small helping cook or serve food around them, and see how it goes. I said okay, that I will do some volunteering, especially since I’m working four tens this summer.

I went and volunteered at Saint Vincent de Paul. I was helping prepare food for the next day. I had a little bit of a difficult time with tightness in my chest. My heart was beating a little bit harder than normal. It took about an hour for me to calm down. My body never calmed all the way down, but enough to start to talk to people and not feel fearful, so that was good. I was there for three and half hours.

This older gentleman kept wanting to help me with different tasks. He was a very nice man. There were several of us around, nevertheless he came to help me. We were all making sandwiches. They told us to make sure we have the same bread on the same top as the bottom, which I was gonna do anyhow with my OCD. The old man kept wanting not to do it. It was driving me crazy. I had to keep going back and fixing it. He finally left to go help somewhere else, which I was grateful for.

Working there was very humbling. I almost started to cry. A different man was helping pack sandwiches in baggies. The man said, I'm really grateful, to which I said, me too. He made me think how any of us could be in the situation of being homeless. All it would take is one circumstance. I have never met any of these people before, so I don't know why they are there helping or their situation. I don't ask however it does make me wonder. I know I'm very blessed at the same time it made me feel even more blessed. I held it together.

I got in the car and was driving home when the water worksI started. I cried practically for the whole twenty - five minute ride home. I am truly grateful and blessed to not just have food, shelter and family, but so much more. Thank you God.

I think this might be related to the above. At Tai Chi this morning there is this old gentleman who has been showing up for awhile. He is in his late sixties at least. I don’t know him at all; he rarely speaks to anyone. Since I volunteered yesterday, I looked at him differently today. He brings a tote bag with stuff in it every time. The bag has food, a drink, I’ve seen him pull out a laptop, etc. In the past at times he is a little disrespectful by calling or answering his phone while the class is going or the teacher is speaking. He has done other little things too. He wears the same clothes or the same type of clothes every Saturday he is at Tai Chi. He wears a button down dress shirt with dress pants, maybe slacks. I know the shirt is the same color every week, but I would guess it is the same shirt. As I was pulling in the parking lot he was getting off the bus. I’m not saying the man is homeless, but it does make me wonder about his story a little more along with feeling a little compassion for him.

I plan to keep volunteering not just at Saint Vincent de Paul, but other places too. This is not to just keep me humble which I think I need sometimes. I still have my OCD problem with homeless people that I need to fix.

It seems I get so close to fixing one area of my OCD, then another one pops up. Sometimes it feels like a never ending cycle. I believe in my heart that someday I will be completely free of OCD. We need to make the time not just to be compassionate to others, but also to be compassionate to ourselves.

Roy T. Bennett

"We are all different. Don’t judge, understand instead," Bennett wrote in his book The Light in the Heart.

Roy T. Bennett

"More smiling, less worrying. More compassion, less judgment. More blessed, less stressed. More love, less hate," Bennett wrote inThe Light in the Heart.

Jack Kornfield

"If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete," Kornfield wrote in Buddha's Little Instruction Book.

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 6/6/26 Tracy Agnelli 6/6/26

OCD & Judging

Thank you for reading,

Do people with OCD or specifically Contamination OCD judge people prematurely? By the way a person looks, acts, or anything else. If you don’t know, I have Contamination OCD. I have been thinking this week about my aunt who stayed with me. Last week I told you about how she lotioned herself after her shower, and how it bothered me by her starting with her feet and moving up her body without washing her hands after her feet. I feel this is icky. Do I watch her more closely, since she is a seventies person who nothing seems to bother? Do I judge all people to the same standard when it comes to OCD or only the people I know the way they are like my aunt without seeing them do anything that I would think is icky, gross, etc? I might have when my OCD was at an extreme level, however I don’t feel I do this anymore. The only person that I can think of that I’m mindful of is my dad. Do you or someone you know who has OCD judge people prematurely? What type of OCD do you have?

I do maintenance at an elementary school, including doing maintenance, I also have to pick up the front office trash until they leave for a summer break. I have issues with trash of all kinds with my type of OCD. I wear gloves to take the full bag out to put a clean bag in around all the desks. There have been several times this week when more than one person helped me by pulling their bag, handing it to me, and then putting in a clean bag. I think this is gross despite that none of the ladies who did this thought twice of doing it, along with moving on with their project they were doing.

Have I in the past thought of some of them as cleaner than others? Yes, I have. Does this make me judge them prematurely? No, but I did judge them after I got to know them, which is wrong too.

I went to therapy this week to which I asked if people with different types of OCD do prematurely judge other people. My therapist (Rachel) told me it is mostly people with Contamination OCD, but she did say there is one other type that might do it also which is Scrupulosity. Here is the definition from the IOCDF.

Scrupulosity is a subtype of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) involving religious or moral obsessions. Scrupulous individuals are overly concerned that something they thought or did might be a sin or other violation of religious or moral doctrine. They may worry about what their thoughts or behavior mean about who they are as a person.

https://iocdf.org/faith-ocd/what-is-ocd-scrupulosity/

Another thing we discussed is my issue with trash and the front office handing it to me. I like and enjoy Rachel and her humor in the way she shows me how my OCD is controlling my life. After telling her about my issue with trash with the front office staff, she says to me, Why aren’t more people like you? Why don’t they see things the way you see them? To which I say, exactly! I started to giggle for the reason I realized it was my OCD talking. I still want my OCD to be right. I’ve come a long way with changing my mind with OCD not being right, on occasions it comes back up. I need Rachel to help me see things like this sometimes, so my OCD doesn’t control my life the way it did.

OCD is very tricky on how it sneaks in to control my mind. Sometimes without me even noticing it. Eventually, I will have to not worry about OCD controlling my mind due to the fact I will have succeeded in beating OCD completely. For right now, this is another learning experience I have to put into memory.

Keep up the hard work with beating OCD. Some day we will be free of it.

This quote might not be perfect for the situation, but I like the quote.

You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you

select what clothes you're gonna wear every day. This is a power you

can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work

on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control. Drop

everything else but that. Because if you can't learn to

master your thinking, you're in deep trouble forever.

Elizabeth Gilbert

Eat, Pray, Love

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 5/30/26 Tracy Agnelli 5/30/26

Progress & OCD

Thank you for reading,

Children are out of school here in Arizona for the summer. I still work all summer doing maintenance around the school. It is a reprieve or relief not having to clean up messes of all kinds. This is time I get to reset myself and the school for the next school year. Listening to music and podcasts while getting my work done in a mostly empty school. The front office is there for a couple of weeks, then they will be gone. There will be a few people in and out until everyone in the front office gets back right after the fourth of July, then teachers will slowly start coming in to get their keys to set up their room for next year.

My OCD at work isn’t as bad during the summer for the most part because I’m by myself. I do on a rare occasion still have small situations that come up. One would be fixing something in the restroom, even when it is clean in the restrooms the cleaners don’t always clean everywhere or the good. I still wear gloves, and try not to do a compulsion if something touches my shoes or pants to clean them, but it isn’t easy. My OCD mind reminds me of where I am, how I know the cleaners do not clean very well, and there are germs everywhere. Some days are better than others with me being able to shut down my OCD, still there are days that are tough to keep OCD quiet.

On the tough days, I will have some win some lose some battles with my OCD. On these days I will sometimes just react and do a compulsion. I talked about this last week, how I have done my compulsions in the past for so long that they have become a reaction, how I need to make a new habit of not doing compulsions. When I realize I just did a compulsion out of a reaction, I sometimes will go back if it is possible to do it the right way without the compulsion. I make myself slow down , pay more attention to what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. Changing a habit takes time at the same time an OCD mind will take a bit longer to change. I feel it is possible to do.

That being said, at home this week my aunt and her dog decided to come down to stay with me to see people before it got too hot down here in Phoenix. I love my aunt, but my OCD mind doesn’t. She is a seventies person through and through. She likes to lotion her body after taking a shower. I have known this. I walk out to the family room to talk to her as she starts to lotion herself. She starts with the bottom of her feet first and works her way up. This is extremely difficult for me for the reason being the floor to me is very dirty from lots of things people step on throughout the day. To start with the bottom of your feet and work your way up, to me you are putting whatever is on your feet all over your body. Why take a shower?

I had to cut my conversation short to walk away to go take my shower along with stopping myself from starting to ruminate about what she was doing. I pray that she went and washed her hands, however I would doubt it. I have had to really push myself to not think of this, or what she touched after lotioning nightly after her shower.

The only compulsion I did after my aunt left was wipe off the bathroom towel rack where she puts her towel, and I use it after she leaves. I’m not proud of this. I could try to explain why I do it, but there is no excuse. I need to do better at stopping all my compulsions. Now, I did wipe off the kitchen sink and the kitchen sink counter along with removing the drying towel. She will rinse the cups she is using and put them on the drying towel to dry. She doesn’t wash them. She does this so she doesn’t use too many cups. This bothers me for the fact that she is putting her germs on a place I would put clean stuff. I don’t feel these are compulsions. The stuff is dirty. I will do normal cleaning beside that I will not wipe off anything else, even the place she sat to put her lotion on, even though I want to.

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. - George Bernard Shaw

I came across this quote this week. I have thought about how hard it is to change an OCD mind. It feels like it is impossible to do. Just because it feels like it is impossible doesn’t mean it is. I feel you can change anything with God, the right mindset, support, and help. Keep believing in God and yourself. Don’t give up. I believe you can beat OCD. I believe I will beat OCD.

I don’t know if I have mentioned this before. One really good thing before I go, is my family is on baby watch. My daughter is having her first child any day. We are all praying she makes it till Tuesday, which is moms birthday.

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop." — Confucius

"A little progress each day adds up to big results." — Satya Nani

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 5/23/26 Tracy Agnelli 5/23/26

Being Busy with OCD

Thank you for reading,

The last week of school is very busy. When I get busy, I just do stuff automatically. Even though I do a lot less compulsion now than I did a couple years back, I sometimes do a compulsion or something in a certain way that I touch things for the reason that I’ve done it that way with my OCD for so long. I really have to pay attention when I’m busy to not do a compulsion that I haven’t done in a long time.

I want to make my life a normal habit life, and not a compulsion habit life. If that makes sense. In case someone who doesn’t have OCD reads this let me explain. I have Contamination OCD, and instead of doing something like turning on a light or opening a door the right way. I do it differently or avoid it completely. I am going to do everything the normal way some day without having to think of how to do it before I do it. It will be just a habit and not an OCD habit because some day I will have OCD gone from my life forever.

That being said, I did try to pick trash up off the ground without wearing gloves or using anything but my bare hands however I didn’t succeed. I am doing better with picking up clothes, lunch boxes, and stuff being left outside. Ya me!

I did email the kitchen manager with an apology first thing Monday morning. She did respond by accepting my apology.

I’ve told you that I started taking West Coast Swing Dance class on Friday nights about two months ago. I’ve been doing really well with touching people and people touching me. I did however notice last night that I’m paying attention to people who have their own dancing shoes. When they are changing into them are they touching the bottom of their shoes, then I started to wonder what else they are touching and are they going to wash their hands. I told myself to just stop it. You need not to worry about that, just enjoy learning dancing. I watched the class before mine finishing up, which is line dancing, and moved on with my night.

Moving on can be extremely difficult to do with losing someone, something, a job and the list goes on, however moving on from doing compulsions can feel even harder with OCD. Then if you add in any other losses or stressors in addition to you trying to move on from doing compulsions with your OCD, life can feel overwhelming and sometimes impossible at times to stop. It can be done. You need to have the right support in place, mind set, a great therapist, faith, but it can be done. Don’t let your OCD tell you anything different.

I know at times I go backwards a step or two despite that I try to make forward progress in beating my OCD every day. Yes, some days and weeks are better than others. OCD will not stop me from my goal some day to be completely rid of OCD.

You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." — Martin Luther King Jr.

Stay positive, keep the faith... your breakthrough may be just around the corner." — Roy T. Bennett

"Every day is a new beginning. Take a deep breath, smile, and start again." — Unknown

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." — Seneca

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 5/16/26 Tracy Agnelli 5/16/26

OCD Not So Proud Moment

Thank you for reading,

I was having a pretty good week until Friday. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been giving myself praise for beating OCD in little ways. Rachel had me do something like this a couple years back. I will call them proud moments. I think this is to not just stop us always looking at the negative of OCD. Instead it shows us our small wins against OCD can change your mind to think you can do bigger wins to which I have done in the past.

My not so proud moment on Friday. Let me start by saying when I don’t want to miss certain things at work or in my life my OCD knows it. I do maintenance at an elementary school. The last two weeks especially have a lot going on that I don’t want to let people down if I’m not there. The kitchen manager was sick on Thursday. I saw her come out of the kitchen to start to set up Friday morning as I was setting up for preschool promotion along with rearranging breakfast. She didn’t look good. I said, good morning. How are you doing this morning? She told me that I’m really sick and don’t feel good. I don’t like missing two days of work, so I came in. That is all it took for my OCD to take over. I was a jerk by saying you came in to get everyone else sick, so you have no one to work on Monday. I’m going to wear a mask when everyone comes in and hide in my office as much as I can.

As I’m talking to her, she isn’t wearing a mask right now for the reason no one else but me is at the school. She is more than twenty feet from me however that doesn’t stop my OCD. I carry a mask on me when I do stuff outside and when I do filters along with other things I do. I very quickly put it on my mask. My mind starts with doesn’t she understand she is breathing on everything she is around and touching. She or her staff will be surviving food to over six hundred students and staff. Her staff will touch everything she is breathing after they have already washed their hands, so that will not help. This kept going for almost five minutes, then I realized this was all my OCD. I thought I cannot let OCD do this to me. I took my mask off and didn’t wear it for the rest of the day. I finished setting everything up which took about another twenty five minutes. I spent most of my day in the cafe setting up and taking down stuff.

I feel I should have apologized for what I said and how I reacted. I may write her a card to say I’m sorry, or just tell her in person on Monday. What do you think?

On a good note, we did catch two children vandalising the restrooms. One a second grader who would put a lot of toilet paper in the toilet to clog it along with putting it all over the place. The second one was a first grader who was going number 2 on the floor, wiping and putting the toilet paper on the floor along with sometimes finger painting with it. This has been happening for several weeks. Yes, I have to clean this up.

I feel what happened on Friday with the kitchen manager was a bump in the road. I should feel a little proud of myself for realizing it was my OCD taking over in addition to changing my mind set to move on with my day. My goal and mind set is that I'm going to beat OCD completely in the near future. If you think you will have OCD or anything else forever, then you will. Get your mind in the right mind set by telling yourself daily I’m going to be free of OCD forever. Maybe come up with some mantras like I’m going to beat OCD, I’m OCD free, OCD isn’t for me, or you can just Google some. I’ve heard that looking in the mirror while saying mantras helps. I know it is hard to look at yourself while saying something, but it gets easier the more you do it. You can also meditate with mantras. Good Luck on beating OCD.

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” - Willie Nelson

“Most folks are about as happy as they make their mind up to be.” - Abraham Lincoln

“If you hear a voice within you say “You cannot paint.” then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced” - Vincent Van Gogh

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 5/9/26 Tracy Agnelli 5/9/26

Massage & OCD

Thank you for reading,

I went to get a massage last weekend for the third time ever for the reason my sister gave me a gift card for either Christmas or my birthday, along with Rachel and I discussing it a little at my last therapy session thinking it would help me destress and relax a little. I told Rachel that I need to relax more, maybe once a month I should do a massage. She thought this was a good idea. I’m a little skeptical about making massages a monthly routine, or maybe it is my OCD voice that is the skeptical one.

I eventually did relax, however it took a little while. My masseuse Noelle showed me to my room in addition to asking me questions. I walk into the room to start to undress, right away I start to ruminate about did they clean it good enough, how many walked on this floor with bare feet that I might get something, how often do they clean the carpet, and my list goes on. I had to shut down my rumination if I wanted to not only enjoy my massage at the same time have a small victory over my OCD. I started using my senses. Everywhere I looked everything was clean. I didn’t feel anything dirty or unclean in any way.

Noelle, comes back in to start my massage talking to me while she is getting a few things read. I got talked into the extra cost of using the hot stones. As she starts my mind tries to think, did I hear her wash her hands before starting my massage? I take a deep breath and tell myself she is a professional and to not to worry about it just to enjoy the massage.

It took about ten to fifteen minutes to get me to relax to start to enjoy the massage. Once the massage was over, and she left me to get dressed, my mind went straight to did she wash her hands after the massage, and is the door hand unclean. Stopped my mind the best I could right there not to go any further with my thoughts to just in joy my massage along with getting through the massage.

As I was leaving they asked me about signing up for another massage. Rachel popped right in my head. She told me once doing an ERP or Exposure Response Prevention once is good, however you need to keep doing it to beat OCD. So I signed up to get a massage monthly. By the way, the hot stones were okay. I don’t think I will do them again for the reason the masseuse rubs them a little while on you, then takes them away, massages, and repeats this over and over again. I was expecting the massage, and then the hot stones, or visa versa.

Now, I was having a pretty good week at work all the way around, until Friday afternoon. There was something happening right after lunch in the cafe that I had to set up. I help with cleaning the cafe along with helping the cafeteria ladies out sometimes because they help me. I was taking out the big rolling trash cart full of trash bags, when the second to last bag either broke or came untied. It doesn’t matter how the bag of trash came apart, what matters is it got on me. My right side of my shirt got a little, but my pants along with my right shoe had a little more on them. It could have been worse. I did clean up my clothes. I started to go overboard with the cleaning of my clothes, then I heard a voice tell me this is starting to be your OCD. You need to stop and move on. Stopped, assessed my clothes. I realized the voice was right. I couldn't do any better than what I already have done, so I moved on. I’m actually proud of myself for moving on. It wasn’t easy for me to do with all the trash I had to clean up from the ground and thinking this is all on me.

To all the mothers out there.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

“Our fate lives within us. You only have to be brave enough to see it.” —Merida, Brave.

“They say if you dream a thing more than once, it’s sure to come true.” —Princess Aurora, Sleeping Beauty

If you are like me to some day be free of OCD or anything else you are trying to beat, then don’t stop dreaming or believing for some day maybe it is closer than you think.

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 5/2/26 Tracy Agnelli 5/2/26

OCD Or An Irritating Person

Thank you for reading.

One morning this week I was leaving to go to work, and my street was blocked off. I had to go a different way. This bothered me a little bit. The first thing that crossed my mind was that I would be late for work. The next thing that bothered me was that I wasn't going down the same route I normally do. I had to talk to myself to tell myself it was fine going in a different direction. I probably should go in a different direction sometimes. Like Rachels to me, being less extremely unreasonably early. Not late. After about five minutes or so, I started to relax.

Right before my work shift was over, I got asked to do something. This really bothered me for the reason I had to go to therapy which is fifty minutes to an hour away without any problems. I hurried as fast as I could. I got really irritated because it was taking me longer than I wanted. On top of that I didn’t want to leave late or be late for my appointment, which I’m thirty to forty minutes early every time.

On the way back to my office to clock out, I remembered what Rachel told me last session. That she wants me to leave work later or go somewhere so I am not so early. I don’t know if I can do that. The what if’s set in. What if something happens to the vehicle and I have to fix it, or get around an accident, etc., then I would be late.

I left on time, but then started to worry about being late to my appointment with Rachel, even though I left on time. I was trying to hurry for no reason. Again, I had to talk to myself for a while to get myself to not worry about being late even though I left on time. The rest of the trip was much more relaxed, and smoother.

Me worrying about being late is a bigger problem than I thought I had. Once I started paying more attention to it in the last several weeks.

I’m doing better with picking stuff up outside without gloves. I still ruminate, but not as much. I do a little compulsions sometimes too. I am proud of myself for doing better with this.

A front office person went to the doctor on Monday and came in to work half a day. The person was sick, and wasn’t wearing a mask. Tuesday the person called in sick. Wednesday, the person came to work and I heard the person tell someone similarly that they could feel bad at home or work, and why not come to work. Thursday the person was walking by me and told me that they were trying to keep the distance between me and others because they were sick. The person still isn’t wearing a mask. Friday the person was feeling better.

This was really irritating to me. I like the person. They are a nice person in every way. I feel people are selfish when they don’t stay home when they are sick or at least don’t wear a mask.

Maybe this is my OCD talking, and I need to get over it. Am I wrong or right?

“Never be so busy as not to think of others.”

— Mother Teresa

Life is 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we react to it – Charles R. Swindoll

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 4/25/26 Tracy Agnelli 4/25/26

OCD & Rushing

Thank you for reading,

It is nice to get back to a normal routine, since my aunt left on Monday. LOL! I say this, but I’m not sure I know what a normal routine is any more. I have so much going on or wanting to do that I feel that I’m busy non-stop a lot of times. It makes me wonder if this ties into me needing to be early to everything. Probably not.

About me being early. In the mornings I have tried to take my time to not to worry about leaving a minute or two late or even try to leave a minute or two late. I have some anxiety with this. I do everything normal in the morning, however, I have been stopping my writing about five to ten minutes later to try to push myself not to rush my writing or myself in the morning. I start getting dressed and start looking at the clock and moving quicker. I believe I left one to two minutes later only once or twice this week, even after taking more time with my writing.

Let’s take my appointment yesterday at 3:15 p.m. It takes fifty minutes to an hour to get there. I thought about taking off an hour of work to make sure I get there on time. I decided to leave only thirty minutes early, and that would have gotten me there fifteen to twenty five minutes early. This was hard for me to do. I ruminated about this a lot this week. I did get to my appointment twenty five minutes early. I still had to talk to myself at least half way there telling myself I will not be late or way too early. You don’t need to rush. It is better to be late, than hurting someone because you caused an accident.

I started talking to myself to help me realize I don’t need to rush to do anything. I need to remember to use the phrase Rachel gave me. Less extremely unreasonably early. Not late. I am doing a little better with this, like everyone else I want it to happen now.

My Contamination OCD this week, I started in the middle of the week to be more mindful of my OCD. I haven't been for awhile. I have been reacting too fast and doing compulsions. The rest of the week I did good. A couple of things I’m proud of is, at home I used the dust pan and broom and didn't use gloves or I didn't wash my hands. At work I picked up stuff outside and didn't wipe my hands off or wash them.

“In today’s rush, we all think too much, seek too much, want too much, and forget about the joy of just Being.” — Eckhart Tolle

“When you want to hurry something, that means you no longer care about it and want to get on to other things.” — Robert M. Pirsig

“Don’t forget to stop and smell the roses.” — Walter Hagen

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 4/18/26 Tracy Agnelli 4/18/26

OCD and Being Late

Thank you for reading,

I have had issues with being late for a long time. Rachel and I discussed this along with not feeling so stressed, relationships, I need not to be so strictly regimented, I need to be able to do stuff spontaneously, be more relaxed, and to keep an eye on my contamination OCD at this week’s session.

Why I feel late - having a lot to accomplish before leaving for somewhere, if I don’t leaving at a certain time, Not getting somewhere at a certain time, Not getting the parking spot on what, and the list goes on.

Let me start with Monday. I had a procedure with a doctor across town. I needed to be there at 11:30 a.m. I was Ubering over there, and a family member was picking me up. I started to check times of how long it would take and how long Uber was out around 9:30 a.m. I was checking about every ten minutes at the beginning, then went to every five. I was so worried about not being there at 11 a.m. that I called the Uber to come get me at 10:12 a.m. Are you wondering why I am worried about not getting there a half an hour early when my appointment isn’t until 11:30 a.m. I feel I’m late to things if I’m not at least twenty minutes to half an hour early. I feel uncomfortable saying twenty minutes. I like half an hour to an hour early everywhere I go.

I got to my appointment at 11:04 a.m. I was checked in by 11:15 a.m. I didn’t get in until 12:30 p.m. because my doctor was running late. Boy was this a fun discussion with Rachel the next day.

On Tuesday there was a person at work who we celebrated their birthday with. Everyone couldn’t get together until 2:15 p.m. and I leave at 2:30 p.m., which means I clocked out and left work late. Even though I was going to see Rachel, which is a fifty minute drive and my therapy appointment doesn’t start till 4 p.m. I have plenty of time. This is where my OCD kicks in. What if there is an accident I cannot get around, or I have a problem with my vehicle, or there is road construction that slows me down, and the list goes on. I have never been late to a session with Rachel yet, but I don’t want to start either.

Another way I think I’m late that I just thought of is when I’m driving somewhere I go to all the time like to therapy is I know where I should be at a certain time. For instance, I know around about 2:50 p.m. I should be close to getting on the freeway. If I’m not then I’m late. I do this with a lot of things.

Last night, which was Friday, didn’t go well either. I had a play to go to across town. I try to get there at about 6 p.m., even though the show doesn’t start til 7:30 p.m. I like getting a close parking spot, so I can beat all the traffic. I looked for the first time at how long it was going to take me to get there at 4:30 p.m which was thirty - seven minutes. I kept checking. At 5:27 p.m. I left, and got there and parked at 6:10 p.m. I couldn't stop thinking all the way here how I might not get my spot. I am so crazy about doing the same thing at the same time or leaving at the same time.

Trying to change myself on not being so early isn’t going to be easy. I don't like change. I need to embrace change better than I do.

No, I didn’t get the parking stop I wanted for the reason there were three or four other events going on. I had to park almost on the third level.

I am trying to be more positive that I got there ten minutes later than I normally do. It makes me wonder if I ever do start dating again will a person be so willing to get to place this early.

Towards the end of my session Rachel mentioned that I need not to be so strictly regimented. I need to be able to do stuff spontaneously. I’m definitely regimented in everything I do.

My aunt came into town to see a couple of people. She got her on Wednesday and leaves Monday. It is nice to have someone to talk to at night, however for me it is a little difficult. I have been five months with no one around, so I’m used to doing things without anyone around, so I have to pay attention to what I do and when I do things.

I don’t do good with my OCD when my aunt is around. She is a good person although she is free spirited, which isn’t good for my OCD. There isn’t much that I know that bothers her, or maybe everything bothers me because of my OCD. That is probably it. Rachel and I have talked about wiping the bathroom down after she takes a shower and before I take a shower. I just cannot stop for the reason I put my clean clothes, towel and wash cloth on the counter. I would love to stop or figure something else out. I know I should use my senses better. I feel so convicted.

I still have a lot to work on, nevertheless I have come a long way with God and Rachel’s help. I need to do a little more with my part.

"You're not going to enjoy every minute of the journey. But the success you'll find at the end will make it all worth it." --Muhammad Ali

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 4/11/26 Tracy Agnelli 4/11/26

I Lost It, But Not My OCD

Thank you for reading,

Last Saturday after writing last week's Blog, I went to Tai Chi, and the contractors came by to finish the front bathroom. Remember they finished the master bathroom, so my OCD had me put on a keyed lock on the master bedroom door. The contractors called me while I was at Tai Chi. I told them that they didn’t need to go into the master bathroom because it was finished. They were told it wasn’t finished, they would call their boss and ask. After Tai Chil I did some errands. When I got home I found my master bedroom had been broken into by the contractors that did the work.

Saying I totally lost it was an under statement. I called the guy who called to give him a piece of my mind, which he denied doing, then I called the project manager who didn’t answer and left him a not so nice message. I called the company to talk to a person answering the phone who told me that a manager will contact me on Monday. I told the lady on the phone that their stuff would be outside. After calming down a little on Saturday I put all their stuff outside. This set me off again for the reason I found one of my shirts that was in my dresser drawer with their stuff that they used as a rag.

Not just did my OCD get going into high gear, also I felt violated. I didn’t use any senses. I just took stuff out of my drawer and started washing stuff, then I started cleaning. I didn’t get myself or my OCD under control for awhile.

I came to find out on Monday from the manager that the project manager went on vacation for a couple of days and should have given me the manager’s phone number just in case I needed someone. The manager is going to have someone different come and fix the shower doors today. After that I will fix anything else myself because I want to be done with this company and this project for good.

At Easter Lunch/Dinner I noticed someone got a big fork to pick up the ham with. They clean off what I think were smudges without washing their hands. At least I hope it was smudges and not the fork being not cleaned along with the fact that they didn’t wash their hands before wiping off the smudges. I saw a couple of things like this, but I decided to push through them all other than react to my OCD. This wasn’t easy to do. I have my OCD asking me don’t people care where they spread germs, or if they get others sick. I told myself to stop and that I would be fine. Then I went to socialize.

I went to see Rachel, my therapist this week again, and I’m going next week as well. I needed a little more help getting through everything I've been going through lately. I needed to get myself back on track. I’ve learned over time that I cannot always do this on my own. It has taken me a long time to ask for help when I needed it. I shouldn’t wait so long. I’m like a lot of people who are too proud, too embarrassed, or just plain stubborn to ask for help. You might need help with OCD, PTSD, any anxiety issue, help cleaning your house, your lawn, or any number of things. My advice this week to you is stop waiting to ask for help that you desperately need.

For me, being vulnerable is asking for help from other people whatever it may be.

Mason Jennings

I think t he hardest part to get to is that point of asking for h elp or reachin g out to other peo ple and being honest with yourself.

Mary-Kate Olsen

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizon a

https://ocd and ptsdtherapy.co m/

https://oc daz.org/

United States & Global

https://iocdf.org/p rograms/conferences/?gad_source=1&gad_campaig ni d=20295458322&g br aid=0AAAAAD3KKF E7_I6w2iG6UR0ya 0vTONg42&gclid=Cj0KCQjwzOvEBhDVARIsADHfJJRvqrNH9UmVG9j-5QUox1fhxUldNOWw1CDKoTQnUecpSXilr_4heKoaArw2EA Lw_wcB

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 4/4/26 Tracy Agnelli 4/4/26

Cleaning OCD

Thank you for reading,

I got to stay at the house on Wednesday for the first time in almost two weeks. I took a half day off of work to do some cleaning at the house. There was dust and dirt everywhere. The cleaning didn’t go as smooth as I was hoping it would. To keep this short I had issues with my washer, my vacuum decided to die besides a couple of other set backs. I also had in the back of my head about putting a keyed lock on my bedroom door, so the contractors when they came back to finish the hallway bathroom didn’t go into the master bedroom anymore. Not only do I not trust them in many ways, but I also think it is my OCD talking to me. I went to Ace Hardware three times. I did give into my OCD, and bought a lock for the bedroom door.

I saw Rachel, my therapist this week. We had a lot to unpack. I see her every other week. I almost called to try to get in last week too due to the fact I knew I wasn’t doing good emotionally or with my OCD. I was right that all the stress was making my OCD worse. Rachel is kind, caring at the same time she is for a lack of words firm with me to put me back on track. She isn’t mean in any way. She is a blessing.

I was holding on to a lot of things that I didn't realize. I also learned by taking a picture of something which I took a couple of pictures of. These are compulsions too. It is a way for me to keep looking at it and keep reminding myself of it, and stressing over it. Rachel helped me see I was doing these things to not deal with other things in my life like mom’s loss. It’s only been fourteen months. Rachel explained to me how I was masking my feelings with my OCD. I let some anger in. I've pushed my feelings of mom's passing to the back, so I didn't have to deal with them. No matter if it's OCD or somebody doing something to me or anything else I need to deal with it then release it. I need to forgive whatever it is and move on.

Along the lines of holding on to things, when I was having to deal with the wall tile again for the reason the contractor told me I needed a cap on it or a different type of tile. I was back in the store looking at tile when I called a friend to discuss my tile problem. She said to me why was I trying to put the house back together like my mom had it, and not the way I wanted it. Do you really want tile on the walls? At that point I almost started to cry. I had to hold back my tears, and leave the store. She was right. I never thought of what I wanted in the decor for the house. Deep inside me just wanted to keep mom around as much as possible.

Leave you with this.

Princess Diaries quote - Mia: But then I thought, if I cared about the other 7 billion out there instead of just me, that's probably a much better use of my time.

I need to stop ruminating. I have a lot of time by myself at home and work. That is no excuse for me to ruminate. I need to use my time more wisely by thinking of my family, friends, my writing, talking to God, praying, etc. Anything is better than leaving myself in a vicious loop that only makes me more stressed, depressed along with so many other things. I’m going to keep fighting to beat my OCD, so please keep fighting to beat whatever you have to beat.

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 3/28/26 Tracy Agnelli 3/28/26

Hotels and OCD

Thank you for reading,

I’ve been in a hotel all week due to the fact that my bathrooms are finally getting done. The company told me they would be done on Friday, it is now Saturday, and they aren’t even done with one. I checked out of the hotel believing that they would have at least one done today. Well, after checking out at the hotel at 8 a.m. this morning I got to the house with no one there, and not any of the bathrooms were even close. I text the project manager for him to tell me they would be done today. I asked what time 4 p.m. or later. He told me probably later. There was no way I was going to be able to stay there tonight, so I called the hotel back and made another reservation. I asked for the same room or a similar room on floor one. This is less than an hour after I checked out. I asked for the same room on the first floor. The person told me no problem. I’m on the fourth floor and my room is not even close to the same area I was in.

The first day in the hotel I started having some issues with my OCD. The sink handle I could turn on fine, but I was using tissues to turn it off. I started to ruminate about other people touching the handle after washing their hands and how it could be contaminated. The second day I had to stop my compulsions. I had to use my senses. I looked at the handle after washing my hands, I didn’t see anything, but I knew contamination was there. It was harder to push down than I thought it would be and my hand slipped and touched a piece where I turned it on, so I rewashed my hands. This time I turned it off, dried my hands and left. Even though I’m still having an uneasy feeling turning off the sink handle I’m not doing compulsion. At least not physical compulsions. My rumination has gotten better too.

Several times this week at work I tried to pick up stuff at work without gloves on and not do a compulsion. Either I would wipe my hand on my pants which is a compulsion, or the one time I didn’t wipe my hand on my pants I ruminated about my hand and what it was touching until I had to use the restroom a while later. That is a compulsion. In other words I failed. It isn’t from a lack of trying. The stuff outside isn’t just dirty, but it is lying on the ground that people step on, spit on, etc. Also with clothes there is a chance it could have lice. We do get lice at school at least once a year. That is still no reason to do a compulsion.

I was using a furniture dolly the other day and when I picked it up one of the wheels touched my butt. I wanna do a compulsion by wiping my butt off because the wheels were on the ground, and you know how I feel about the ground. I did good with this. I let it go with no compulsions at all.

This morning I had some issues with putting my extra shoes in their bag, along with my laundry bag and my shirt I was going to wear. I didn’t know where to put them that my mind didn’t think it was dirty. It was a little stressful for a while. I said to myself Tracy use your senses. I didn’t see anything wrong on the desk, so I put the shirt there. As for the shoes and the laundry bag, I failed. I did a compulsion because the bottom of the shoes touched the outside of the bag along with the dirty clothes touching the outside of the laundry bag.

I started to wonder the other day about how stress in my life has most likely made my OCD a little worse lately. I’m not trying to make excuses for myself, however I definitely need to do a lot better with my OCD, than I have been doing.

I will end on a good note. I had a nice time again dancing last night, and for the second week in a row I did no compulsions. This week was even better for the reason I didn’t think about how many different peoples hands I touched or didn’t even think about washing my hands at all until writing this. That is awesome.

“You don’t lose hope, love. If you do, you lose everything.” —Mrs. Potts, Beauty and the Beast.

Never stop believing you can beat whatever you have. With God all things are possible.

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 3/21/26 Tracy Agnelli 3/21/26

OCD Rollercoaster

Thank you for reading,

I had a busy week, not just at work. I’ve talked about being more social, or having a social life again. This week I started trying a little more. First, I’ve been trying to do some online dating, however it isn’t going well. On Tuesday, I decided to go to an in person speed dating event. I had a good time, even though I didn’t find anyone. It’s been a long time that I actually talked to someone other than family and friends to try to make a connection with. It was nice to do in a safe environment with people you know are trying to do the same thing. It gave me a little confidence to be able to talk to someone again. Then came the next day, my OCD was in my head again telling me as soon as you tell them you have OCD they will be gone. I tell myself that I’ve hidden my OCD before, so I can do it again. I don’t like that approach for the reason I want to be honest with everyone besides that fact that is no way to start a relationship. My OCD keeps telling me I guess you can never be in a relationship again. I keep pushing back at my OCD telling it I’ve had relationships before and I will again.

At work this week I picked up clothes without gloves, but still did a compulsion by wiping my hands on my pants. Yes, wiping your hands off in any way is a compulsion for the reason it makes my mind feel better that I’m wiping off germs. I would love to give myself that boy for this, on the contrary I cannot. I tell myself that I will beat OCD next time.

I’m having some work done in the bathroom at the house, so a guy came over to check it out. I forgot to take out my towels, so after he left I changed them out. This was my OCD screaming at me. You messed up big time buddy. I didn’t even hesitate, I just did it. I haven’t put or used towels in the bathroom for a very long time. I kept them in my bedroom. I just recently started putting my bath towel in the bathroom after my aunt left the last time. I know I need to get better with this, but at the same time it is really hard for me. I want a clean towel to dry off with, so if someone touches it even with the side of their arm the towel is dirty. I would even add if they breathe on it. I can see now Rachel and I are going to have a long talk about this.

Last night I went to a dance studio that teaches West Coast Swing Dance for beginners for only fifteen dollars on Friday nights. I thought it was only going to be forty - five minutes, but it actually was two and half hours. There were couples there, but I went by myself. The couple just wanted to dance together and stayed on one side of the floor while the rest of us rotated partners throughout. I didn’t think about washing my hands until half way through due to the fact I was touching so many different people’s hands, but I didn’t. Ya me! I had a lot of fun dancing last night. I’m planning on going back next Friday.

Now this morning, my sinuses are doing worse, and I started to wonder if I caught something from someone last night. I know this is all my OCD talking, but this morning my OCD is a little loud. I just got over a sinus infection and don’t want to get another one, anything else, or miss any more work is probably why my OCD is nagging me this morning. I will work at stopping the ruminations after I get done writing this. I will let go, and move on.

I’ve enjoyed this week a lot, even though it was a little bit of a roller coaster with my OCD. I’m a work in progress.

One last thing to end this on is my OCD has been a lot worse than it is right now. I’m very grateful for God helping me get better to this point. I worry about a social life, dating along with a lot of over things, and how I will be able to handle it, however there is a lot of people out there with OCD that are a lot worse off than I am that no one knows they have OCD for the reason their OCD lives more in their head. I pray for them to some day have a life they want.

“Tough times never last, but tough people do.” Robert H. Schuller

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 3/14/26 Tracy Agnelli 3/14/26

Pillow or OCD

Thank you for reading,

I realized I didn’t tell you last week that I had a sinus infection, which I finally got over. I also didn’t tell you that I blamed it on my new latex pillow that I bought. I thought about taking it back as soon as I got better. I don't ever want to be sick. That is my OCD talking. That is how my OCD started taking over my life, and how it got so bad that I thought about quitting my job. At my second doctor’s appointment that I went to to get better medications to get over my sinus infection I told the nurse practitioner how my new latex pillow did this to me. She told me it probably wasn’t the pillow, but something I got into. Well, my OCD tells me something different. Who should I believe, a nurse practitioner with years of schooling or my OCD with arguably just as many years, possibly more years in my head. It isn’t even that close. OCD is a clear winner. This has been in my head on and off since I got sick, being debated on if the nurse practitioner is right or not. The thing is I cannot let OCD win. I’m going to start using the new pillow again this weekend.

I saw Rachel this week. We talked a little about me getting out and dating. I’ve thought about doing online speed dating. I looked it up to show Rachel, then after showing her she tells me that I’m ruminating over the sites that I’m looking at. She was right. We noticed there are even a couple of speed dating in person events happening. She wants me to try one or the other. I’m scared to do either one. How do you trust the people running the speed dating events no matter if they are online or in person? I have to reason that I have to leave my trust in God. Rachel is trying to help me not just with my OCD, but with my social issues as well. My word for this year is Enthusiastic, and my phrase is Do it afraid. I guess I need to step up.

“You can choose courage, or you can choose comfort, but you cannot choose both.”

~Brene Brown

“We should stop asking ourselves how we feel about doing what we know we should do. If we don’t stop consulting our feelings, we will not finish many things in life.”

― Joyce Meyer, Do It Afraid: Embracing Courage in the Face of Fear

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 3/7/26 Tracy Agnelli 3/7/26

Pretty Good Week For Not Feeling Well - OCD

Thank you for reading,

Despite not feeling well most of the week, I had a pretty good week. You are wondering how that is possible. I realized today that I started feeling better after going to urgent care twice this week, and the second time was yesterday. I paid more attention to how I felt and what I was doing, then what others were doing. I don’t like it when others spread germs by coughing without covering their mouth with their arm or a tissue. Before taking Thursday and Friday off this week, I did read to two classes. Last week was Dr. Seuss birthday, which is why it is Read Across America Week too. A lot of schools participate this week. Some even go crazy with decorations. The schools will have people come in to read to classrooms of all ages. You get mayors along with other city people along with firefighters, police officers, college students, etc. It is a fun week.

I did disappoint myself this week with my OCD by still using gloves to pick up jackets, backpacks, and lunch boxes outside. I really need to stop for a couple of seconds to assess the situation before doing any compulsion like Rachel and I talked about a couple of weeks ago. I’m usually in a hurry to get things done and get on with the next project. I think it is time for me at my age to slow down, and enjoy everything about life, even if it has to do with work. If you don’t enjoy what you do for a living, maybe it’s time to change jobs. I know there are parts of my job I don’t like, but I’m not talking about that part of my job. I’m talking about the entire job as a whole. I definitely need to stop doing compulsions so quickly. I have come really far with my OCD, so I know I can beat it completely. I think I will work on that this week. When I jump to do a compulsion, and I realize it even if I’m in the middle of the compulsion, I think I will stop and assess it.

Another thing that was good that happened to me this week was my session with Rachel got cancelled. That was a blessing from God because I wasn’t up for it. I will leave you with a quote from a book I enjoyed reading. You should give it a look because it has a lot of good stuff in it.

“Progress, not perfection, is what we should be asking of ourselves.”

― Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 2/28/26 Tracy Agnelli 2/28/26

Wishing Work or OCD To Slow down

Thank you for reading,

I wish either my work or my OCD would slow down a little. I don’t think either one has any intention of doing at this time. I have a better chance of slowing down my OCD, since I’m the one who is supposed to be controlling it.

I told you last week about me getting to places really early. Last night I went to a play across town. About eighteen miles away. I’ve tried going over early to eat, but being by myself I get done quickly to end up getting to the play two hours or more early. This time I decided to save money and eat at home. I would leave later. This is where my OCD comes in. The what if’s come into my head. What if there is an accident that happens a mile in front of you, so you are stuck in traffic for an hour then you would be late. What if something goes wrong with your vehicle, and you have to wait for someone to help you fix it. The what if’s never stop coming in my head. It really bothers me to be late. I even Google directions that told me it was going to take me forty-two minutes. I did leave later, but still got to the play one hour and forty minutes early, which is better than over two hours early. This is going to be harder for me to change than I realize, and not just with going to the play, but everywhere I go.

Another issue I’ve had for a long time is not being able to pick up stuff left outside at work/school like backpacks, water bottles, jackets without using gloves. I have worked in schools for a long time, I have seen a lot of stuff, so I’m cautious. This is my OCD talking to me. The what if’s are in my head again. What if the child is sick, as lice, a spider or scorpion is under them. The what if’s again go on and on in my head. I need to push myself to stop my compulsions with my OCD. The way I did over a year ago. I need to stop making excuses. I need to run my life, not OCD.

Another way OCD came to mind last night was that I am not sure I can date. I haven’t dated in over six years. The person next to me kept licking her finger to turn the page of the program. That drives me nuts. The germs that she is putting in her mouth along with germs from her mouth she is spreading everywhere when she touches everything, by not using sanitizer or washing after she licks her fingers. I know a lot of people do this, however this to me is gross. I know my OCD is the one pushing this. The thing that crossed my mind with date is if I cannot deal with this, then how many other things that people do that I’m not going to be able to handle. One off the top of my head is blowing their nose and not using hand sanitizer or washing after too. I’m going to be nitpicking the person apart on the first time I meet them even before I get to know them. That isn’t fair to them. I will end up just going out on one date after another without building any relationships. This is something I’m going to have to work on with Rachel. It is too much for me to manage alone.

To make a difference in someone's life you don't have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful, or perfect. You just have to care. Mandy Hale

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli

Tracy Agnelli 2/21/26 Tracy Agnelli 2/21/26

Smoother Week With OCD

Thank you for reading,

This week was smoother. I saw Rachel, my therapist , on Tuesday. We went over my roller coaster of a week, plus moving my life forward with the stuff I prioritize. Rachel told me she was on another podcast, and I should listen to it. Intrusive Thoughts Unmasked Podcast with Chrissie Hodges. Chrissie Hodges does OCD Gamechangers among everything else she does. OCD Gamechangers does stuff to help support people with OCD. One thing they do is events online and in person, and have people talk about their experience with OCD. There have been two online events that I have experienced. One of the online experiences I told about myself for five minutes to a group of 683, and then the other online experience I just listened to others and their experiences. You have to sign up and pay a small amount like ten dollars to be a part of the online experiences, but the stories and performances that are done are well worth more than that. These are closed sessions, so only the people who paid will see you do and get the replay. The in-person ones are small, around forty people or less. I have been to one of them, and enjoyed it. Now the podcast episode I listened to was about acceptance. There were a total of four people speaking about what acceptance was to them. I really liked the podcast. I felt that Rachel was talking to me about acceptance. She said that we let fear, grief, sadness or anger be in charge of the entirety of what we see instead of being a part of what we are going through. Acceptance is the difference between I hate that this is happening and what matters most in how I choose to respond. One of the others affected me more too, but they were all good. I listened to Rachel’s part twice. This podcast is well worth listening. I came home and started writing what I needed to accept: mom’s passing, putting dad in a home, this is my house now, I don’t have endless amounts of money, Rachel is my therapist and not a friend. These are a few that I had written down. During the week I have added a few more, and might add some more before this weekend is done. Acceptance along with change is hard for me. As I am writing this acceptance and change may go hand and hand. If you have acceptance then is change easier? I’m not sure, but as of this moment I’m thinking it will be.

Another ODC I have that Rachel and I touched on is me not wanting to be late. I need to work on this. I get up early to write. Not just this, but everything from picture books to novels. I may not be very good, however I love doing it. Practice makes perfect. I do this most days. I get to every place anywhere between thirty minutes to an hour early. I have noticed lately that I’m more stressed driving to get to places I need to be at a set time. I’m also going a little faster. I’m talking ten miles an hour, but I don’t need or want a ticket. Once I get to where I’m going I feel relief. Yes, I have to wait, but I’m not late. That is important to me, and has been all my life. I cannot stand being late or people who are late. I don’t care if it is one minute. For my own good I need to fix this, so I can stop stressing and driving fast. I don’t need either one in my life.

At Tai Chi today I realized for the past two or three weeks that I’m paying attention to people. I notice if they cough in their hands, what they sound like, and I’m worried about them sitting in my chair that has my water bottle in it. I’m the only one who doesn’t put it on the floor. If I spent more time talking to people when we were not doing Tai Chi it may help me to stop paying attention to them. I rarely talk to anyone at Tai Chi. I have always had a hard time making conversations with people even if I know them. This is the second time I’m doing this class, and there are about twenty people in it. It has been going on for four weeks now, I would guess I have said a total of fifty words or less the entire four weeks. I know I’m a total introvert. I need to come out of my shell sometime. Are you an introvert who came out of your shell? If so, how did you do it?

“If you’re going to go anywhere in life, you have to read a lot of books.” - Roald Dahl

“The greatest gift that you can give yourself is a little bit of your own attention.” — Anthony J. D’Angelo

Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.

In Arizona

https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/

https://ocdaz.org/

United States & Global

Until next time,

Tracy T. Agnelli