Touching Things
The week before I told you that OCD turned my life upside down, and in time it did. I pretty much would ask my OCD how I should do things. This might sound crazy nevertheless in a way it is true. As I stopped touching door handles and push bars everywhere I went, so came the way I turned on lights, opened up kitchen cabinets, file cabinets, drawers of all kinds, the way I look at people, having no one touch me, or even eat with them. Everything in my life was about OCD, and only OCD. Before I touched or grabbed something I processed how I was going to touch it, grab it, or clean or wash my hands. Let me say before moving on that anyone without OCD just goes to open a door, kitchen cabinets, or a different type of drawer without thinking about how to do it. Same goes with a light switch or anything else. With OCD it is different. I think and study how to get around something that everyone else has touched without touching it. Makes me sound kind of like a burglar trying to break in somewhere. Some examples of this. Let’s start with walking out of my home and grabbing the door handle. Most of the time I used a tissue to open the door, then through it away leaving the door open for flies to get in, then I would close the door by grabbing where no one else grabs, which is the side of the door next to the door jam way up high, and pull it closed, then use my key to lock it if I had too. If for some reason I touched the door wrong or I just felt the need to wash my hands because something felt wrong, then I would go wash my hands, if I was caring anything then that stuff would get wiped off with Clorox wipes, and I would start the whole process over again. Actually this would happen everywhere I went. If I was at someone’s house I would have wipes in the vehicle to wash my hands and stuff off before getting into the truck, plus wipe off my keys and the door handle of the truck too. A light switch where everyone else does from bottom to top and top to bottom to turn them on/off, I turn them on from the side by pressing sideways, then if that was it enough, I would wipe my finger I used to turn on/off the light switch on my shirt or pants where I felt was clean. Sometimes if my OCD was speaking to me in high volume that day, I would wash my hands after turning on/off the light switch. Like I said above, anyone without OCD just goes to open kitchen cabinets, or different types of drawers without thinking, however an OCD mind is different. I don’t want to touch where everyone else did, so I don’t contaminate myself to get sick or getting someone else sick and then dying. Cabinets along with drawers can be opened from the bottom and the sides all though it is not always easy to do. In that case I go wash my hands or use wipes.
Can you maybe see how my emotions I was talking about last week can be overwhelming or crazy with someone with OCD? It is a lot of pressure I put on myself to not get contaminated to get sick or someone else sick and then dying. If you didn’t read last week's Blog, please go back to read what I wrote about emotions.
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
October 11, 2025 is Phoenix One Million Steps for OCD Walk. 8:00 a.m. - 10:30 a.m.
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
United States & Global
Thank you for reading my Blog.
Tracy T. Agnelli
Emotions
Hi Everyone,
Last week I talked about how OCD started in my life. How OCD took control of my entire life. Everything I did in my life was OCD centered. Let me put it this way, before I did something, I would ask my OCD self first if it was okay to do or to do it that way. It sounds crazy, nevertheless that is how my OCD worked. I didn’t realize it at the time, nevertheless my therapist helped me see this. With OCD comes all kinds of emotions. These are some that I experienced: scared/frightened, shame, lonely, embarrassed, angry, nervous, depressed, helpless, and maybe some more. Some of these emotions happen all at the same time. You are thinking how can you have several emotions all at the same time. Let me explain. When I go to grab a door handle I get filled with emotions. In a split second I’m scared/frightened, nervous, embarrassed, lonely, helpless, shame, angry and lastly depressed. I want to grab the door handle, however my OCD kicks in and says to me you are going to get sick, then give your sickness to a loved one and they will die. Is that what you want? I say no. I am nervous, scared/frightened to grab the door handle for OCD has said to me. I am embarrassed due to the fact that I’m wondering who is watching me touch this door handle, or the way I’m touching the door handle, or waiting for someone to open the door for me. It is lonely for me being in this situation seeing that I feel isolated from everyone at this very moment. It is me, the door handle, and my OCD. Not being able to fend off my OCD makes me feel helpless. I do shame myself for not being able to grab the door handle. I am angry with myself for letting OCD win yet again. Lastly comes depression for the reason of everything I just said. I don’t know if all these emotions are true with everyone who has OCD, but for me they are. Several months into my therapy, my therapist gave me an emotional wheel, so I could write down all the feelings I was experiencing at the time. As a man we cannot usually tell what kind of feeling we are having, let alone tell someone about them. The emotional wheel was very helpful to me. This is what happens to me. Everyone will be different. If you don’t have OCD, or any kind of anxiety, but know someone who does, I hope this blog helps you to maybe understand what they might be going through, or get brave enough to ask them what they are going through. Please get the help you need to get better with OCD or whatever you need help with. If you are curious about shaming, then I would recommend you look into Brene Brown. She has written books on this plus did a TEDx talk as well.
October 11, 2025 is Phoenix One Million Steps for OCD Walk. 8:00 a.m. - 10:30 a.m.
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T Agnelli
August 23, 2025
Hi Everyone,
Please if you are looking for advice or help, then please call a mental health hotline in your area to get the help you need. I am not at all any kind of therapist or doctor. I am just trying to help by telling you about myself and my struggles with OCD.
My Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD got really bad about thirteen years ago when I got really sick, right then I decided that I will never get that sick ever again. Slowly over time I got worse to the point I told you about last time that I was thinking about quitting my job and becoming a hermit. OCD can come on quickly, but from what I remember hearing or reading that most of the time OCD progresses slowly over time. My OCD progressed slowly to the point I wanted to quit my job. It took a long time for OCD to take total control of my life. OCD seems like it comes on fast for me, but it really didn’t. About thirteen years ago I stopped touching door handles, and push bars right then. At work I used a key a lot of times, even if it was unlocked. Push bars I would walk about backwards. Other places were more of a challenge, but over time I learned how to get past them too. I’m thinking a lot of people with OCD do things differently to accommodate their OCD and/or their compulsions related to their OCD. I could be wrong about this, but for me this is true. If you are thinking that it doesn't seem too bad to change only the way you do door handles and push bars. I just didn’t change the way I did door handles or push bars. I changed the way I turned on lights, opened things, ate food, went to the bathroom, etc. I changed how I did pretty much everything. When OCD got a hold of my life, it turned it upside down. With change comes other changes in one's self come too.
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can.
Until next time,
Tracy T Agnelli
A little about my very beginning.
Hi Everyone,
Please if you are looking for advice or help, then please call a mental health hotline in your area to get the help you need. I am not at all any kind of therapist or doctor. I am just trying to help by telling you about myself and my struggles with OCD.
When I started seeing my therapist in March 2023, I was at the top of the scale for OCD. I was an extreme case per my therapist. She told me that she might not be able to help me. That I might have to go in house for help. I live in Arizona, the closest in house is Texas, and in house costs a lot of money. I thank God and my therapist for getting me better so I didn’t have to go in house. When I started I was seeing my therapist once a week. If I could have afford it I would have done twice a week, but I couldn’t. I still go see my therapist every other week. I have came a long ways, but still have a long ways to go. I’m not satisfied with semi-normal person, and I don’t want you to be either. I feel I’m semi-normal for the reason I want to have OCD completely gone from my life in every way. I’m not going to ever stop getting better with OCD. I pray you don’t give up either.
I want to tell you why I post my pictures of New York. I don’t put the pictures of my New York trip to boost, but to show you miracles can happen if you believe in God, your therapist, yourself, and don’t give up for miracles can happen for you too. If someone told me I was going to go to New York in November of 2023, I would have told them they are nut. In the beginning of 2023 I almost quit my job, and felt I was close to becoming a hermit. I’m going to leave it there for now. One last thing , I believe having some kind of support system in your life does help. If all you have is your therapist to support you, then that is okay. If you are blessed with more people that is great.
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can.
Until next time,
Tracy T Agnelli
Websites To Find Help
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can.
Good Luck and God Bless,
Tracy T Agnelli
A Little About Me
Hi Fellow OCD & Anxiety people,
I should have introduced myself the first time around. Please accept my apologies. I am going to start the way Alice Cooper answered in an interview I watched of him. Who am I? First, I am a child of God, then a son, father, grandfather, a maintenance man at an elementary school, writer, and a person with OCD who has to fight it every day. Just when I think I am doing good Bam! OCD is there to tell me I am still here. I am not going anywhere. I will always be around. I am trying to learn to be okay with my OCD always being around because I want it gone for good, however I have to accept that for right now my OCD is here, and I am able to live a semi - normal life. I am never going to give up my fight of beating my OCD completely, but I know it is a marathon and not a sprint. I know it is hard dealing with OCD. It is stressful, shameful, emotional, embarrassing, and down right irritating. I have had days where I cried a couple of times at least. Please don't give up on beating your OCD. I have tried a couple of times to beat OCD myself, and was not successful. It doesn't mean you are less of a person getting up or going to therapy. A lot of people go to therapy. Brene Brown is a research professor, author, speaker, and a podcastor. She mentions all the time about going and seeing her therapist, and I know there are a lot of other people who I cannot think of who go to therapy.
A couple of other things about me are I have tried to stop eating sugar stuff, but I keep failing. I really have a hard time with not eating cookies and milk, and ice cream because Arizona is hot. I don't do any sports anymore due to the fact that I am getting older. I have started doing Tai Chi, which I enjoy. I do enjoy writing and I have self published two picture books. I know I am new at this blogging and expressing myself, but I will get better, so please keep coming back to read more.
Please if you are looking for advice or help, then please call a mental health hotline in your area to get the help you need. I am not at all any kind of therapist or doctor. I am just trying to help by telling you about myself and my struggles with OCD.
Thank you for reading my blog.
Tracy T Agnelli
Your not alone.
This Blog is for anyone with any kind of mental health issue that needs to know that you are not alone. I am not a therapist or any kind of doctor, so I’m not giving any advice. I’m a person who has OCD, and understands my struggles with mental health. Please if you are looking for advice or help, then please call a mental health hotline in your area to get the help you need.
That being said, I’m going to post on this blog every week or every other week about how my OCD came about, my struggles, and my victories even if they are only small. In the hope of helping someone. I know this is a little weird being on my author website, but I’m not good at computer stuff, and didn’t want to pay for another website just yet.
Do you feel that you are too far gone with your OCD that you will never be able to live a semi-normal life ever again. I say semi-normal because I feel I will always have OCD. It will never go away. It always finds a way to latch on to something in my life to keep coming back. I did feel that I was too far gone to ever live even a semi-normal life ever again. I am not or may never be one hundred percent normal, but I am a lot better than I was two and half years ago. Thanks to God and my therapist Rachel. Rachel told me I was an extreme case. Top of the scale with how bad my OCD was, and if I can get better, so can you. Believe in yourself and God. The picture above is me in New York city in November of 2023 by myself. This is a miracle in my book.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
This Blog is for anyone with any kind of mental health issue that needs to know that you are not alone. I am not a therapist or any kind of doctor, so I’m not giving any advise. I’m a person who has OCD, and understands my struggles with mental health. Please if you are looking for advice or help, than please call a mental health hotline in your area to get the help you need.
That being said, I’m going to post on this blog every week or every other week about how my OCD came about, my struggles, and my victories even if they are only small. In the hope of helping someone. I know this is a little weird being on my author website, but I’m not good computer stuff, and didn’t want to pay for another website just yet.
Do you feel that you are too far gone with your OCD that you will never be able to live a semi-normal life ever again. I say semi-normal because I feel I will always have OCD. It will never go away. It always finds away to latch on to something in my life to keep coming back. I did feel that I was to far gone to ever live even a semi-normal life ever again. I am not or may never be one hundred percent normal, but I am a lot better than I was two and half years ago. Thanks to God and my therapist Rachel. Rachel told me I was an extreme case. Top of the scale with how bad my OCD was, and if I can get better, so can you. Believe in yourself and God. The picture above is me in New York city in November of 2023 by myself. This is a miracle in my book.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli