Grief, Failure, & Podcasts
Thank you for reading my Blog,
I saw Rachel this week. I had so much to talk to her about that I didn’t get to ask her about my doubt & reasonable doubt with wearing a mask on the airplane and not in Disneyland examples in November 29, 2025 Blog. I will see her again this coming week and promise to ask her about it. Not seeing Rachel for three weeks is a long time. We went over relationship stuff, how I’m doing with Christmas with mom passing, and briefly about my trip. Most of it has to do with my OCD. I need to see her again this week for the reason we didn’t get to everything I felt I needed to discuss with her. One thing is I want to talk about a couple of things in the book she gave me to read, which I finished and gave back to her. Book - Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb. I enjoyed the book. It is about her becoming a therapist, her relationships with parents, and her relationship with her therapist. It was insightful.
This Christmas season has been difficult with losing my mother in February. I do believe my OCD has gotten a little worse due to losing mom. Without Rachel I would have slipped back even worse. OCD attaches onto people where they are most vulnerable. With me it is contamination, and maybe a few others. I start fearing being sick, and not wanting to die young. Even though I haven’t thought about these things in depth, especially dying young. That just popped into my mind now, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t ever thought about it. OCD only needs a little something to grab hold of, then it runs with it. I’m so Blessed to have Rachel help me through this year. On the OCD Whisper Podcast the last two weeks she has talked about trauma and loss. I enjoyed listening to them. Here are the links in order that you should listen to them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHkaj15_-y0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrYg7R3ZF1c
Another podcast I listened to this week that I enjoyed was Mel Robbins. She had Mark Rober on. Mark is a NASA engineer who turned his love of science and education into the #1 science education platform in the world, with 72 million YouTube subscribers. They talk about failure as a positive thing. If I use my failure with compulsions as a positive the way Mark talks about, then it possibly could make me do less compulsions. He wants you to think why you failed at what you are trying to accomplish, and make it better. Why did I set out the notes on my hotel bed? How can I stop doing that? I set the notes out because I don’t want to mix up the pillow I use for between my legs with one that I put my head on. How can I stop worrying about that? I could make the bed every day, but they still might remake it. I could bring my knee pillow with me, and put it away every morning. I just don’t want to take up that much space in my luggage, or have to bring two pieces of luggage. It gets expensive. Is there something else I could do to solve my problem? What do you think I should do? If you want to watch the Youtube video here is the link.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRHU-fvsNo0
This past week I’ve been working on changing my language to be more positive towards myself. I have caught myself several times criticizing myself to which I reworded the phrase to be more positive towards myself. I believe the more positive you are with yourself, the more positive you will be with others along with more positive things that will happen in your life.
If you would like to contact me for any reason, I now have a contact me tab at the top of the page.
January 10, 2026 is Phoenix One Million Steps for OCD Walk. 8:00 a.m. - 10:30 a.m. at Kiwanis Park, Temp, Arizona, Check in at Ramada 14
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
