Look For The Positives In Everything
Thank you for reading,
Last weekend I went to another dance convention. I only went on Saturday. One of the ladies from where I dance on Fridays was there. We talked a while, then she mentioned lunch. These hotels where they do the conventions are expensive to eat at. I brought my lunch, however, I didn’t want to tell her that. Part of me was a little embarrassed, the other part of me was telling me to stay on my routine. Right before we went other directions, she told me she brought her lunch too, and she was going back to her room to eat it. She did the whole convention, and decided to save some money by bringing some of her meals. I had a lot of things running through my mind. If I tell I brought my lunch, what if she invited me to her room to eat with her? It wasn’t what I brought for lunch, I wasn’t worried about anything happening. We are just people who are hanging out together, who like to dance. There is nothing more than that at this point, so why did I feel like I had to run from this situation? I think this is some kind of social anxiety that I will talk to Rachel about more in depth to help me understand it better. Yes, this could be me not wanting to deviate from my routine too. That made me think of myself. I don't change my routines. I don't change anything. I just do the same thing over and over again. Maybe I should look at changing something or everything. Maybe it'll give me some excitement. For example, I don’t see how changing when I do laundry or the time I eat dinner, etc. will make any difference in my life or make it exciting.
The other night I going to bed and there was a little black water bug in my bed. I spent five minutes debating on taking off the sheets and washing them. Then I spend more time thinking I should just go sleep somewhere else. I told myself I could handle sleeping on the sheets for one night, then the next night I told myself I did it one night you will be fine. I’m proud of myself for not giving into my OCD.
The next day at work a chair was tipped over in the front office, so I thought maybe it was broken. I checked it out. I pushed, pulled, felt the cushions. I don't see anything wrong with it. I put it back the way it was, and asked someone in the front office later what was up with the chair. They told me that someone peed on it. The person said that someone was supposed to do a work order for you for the reason you had already left for the day. Well, my OCD started right in. You touched the cushions, so you touched pee. My OCD wanted to keep going. Even though this really bothered me because I touched the cushions and everything else. It’s been two hours since you touched the cushions. Nothing has happened to you. You will be fine. Move on, so I clean the cushions, and went about my day. Ya me!
I started trying to pray again a little longer like I did before other than how short I've been praying. When I did pray longer for my family, other people, everything in the world, even myself. I started feeling a little bit more anxiety, and worried more about not getting what I wanted, and to fear God so much. I started back to make sure I got everything I wanted. I started thinking about fear more strongly. My thinking of the fear of God never left, however, it wasn’t in my head twenty four seven either. I’ve stopped some of my routines with what I was doing with God. I just thought if I would try to bring this one back. I don’t like the way I pray with the short version. I haven’t been praying or talking to God in the car, I’ve been listening to podcasts. I’ve been trying to pray at different times. Why does it feel like after I start praying that I get more worried, more stressed over things when I pray longer. I want to keep talking to God, have him solve all these problems and be all better right away. I'm stressed over not getting everything again, so I went back to praying shorter. I don’t know why praying longer triggers me. Something else to talk to Rachel about.
I didn’t go back to see if the homeless woman was there. I have to admit I didn’t think of her or what Rachel wanted me to work on this week. Work has been a little crazy this week with stuff breaking, people stopping by to see me, children being children, although this is the first week that I had nothing going on after work, so I could have spent some time thinking of the homeless woman or what Rachel wanted me to do. I will spend some time the next couple of days pondering them along with asking God for help.
The book On This Bright Day by Susan Peirce Thompson, PHD, is about daily inspirations and advice about eating. At the very bottom she does a quote that starts with On This Bright Day. This is the quote for September 3.
I will release old failures and focus on what is next.
It doesn’t matter how many times we fail with OCD. What matters is focusing on what is next. To keep moving forward, even if it is an ant hair at a time. Stay positive and strong on beating OCD.
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
https://ocdaz.org/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
