Stay Vigilant
Thank you for reading,
This week seemed to go very quickly for me. It seems since I’ve been by myself, along with having to do everything now from cleaning, yard work, water plants, buying groceries and essentials while fitting in dancing Tai Chi, a movie on occasion that I feel behind all the time. I’ve talked about wanting to change in the past, however I don’t know what to change or how to do it. Maybe I will start by writing out a schedule every Sunday and sticking to it. It seems that every time I make a schedule something comes up to mess it up. It gets so frustrating.
I went to therapy this week. What is sad is I vented so much that I don’t remember much of the session. I did come away feeling better. I feel therapy has helped me far beyond what I could have imagined. Every so often I think about when will I know to stop therapy. Rachel gave me a book Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb. It is a really good book. I took a couple things from it; one is a therapist will not give you an answer to your questions, and the other is my relationship with my therapist. If you have never gone to therapy let me enlighten you about it. To get the most out of therapy you need to form a connection along with a bond with your therapist. Some people may mistake this for more than what it is. I can see how this can happen. Can you?
Another thing that the book makes me think about is when do you know it is time to move on from therapy. I’m not ready to stop therapy. I still have some issues with OCD, and social anxiety to deal with. I just figure that I will know.
Talking about social anxiety, I went dancing last night. At the social dance after the lesson I got asked to dance a couple of times, which went really bad. I wasn’t doing well dancing, which made me feel embarrassed, so I left. On this wellness app that I have through work there are five lessons on social anxiety. You read one a day for five days. I read the fourth lesson today. It talked about pushing yourself like exposure therapy to talk to someone you don’t know. Maybe start at a family gathering. This made me think of dancing last night. I’ve seen most of these people for four months now, and I still when I first go in, and in between sessions I go sit by myself. In order to go talk to someone, I would really like to have someone there to help me talk to people like a wingman since I’m a big introvert. I know this isn’t a good idea. I’m just a little nervous thinking about it. It’s a whole week away. Next week, I’m going to push myself to talk to someone before and in between sessions. I will let you know how it goes.
I went for a massage last Sunday, but didn’t get it till Monday. The company had to move me, which was okay, since I had the Monday off. I’m still having a hard time relaxing right away. It takes me over half the time to start to relax. I try not to think of OCD stuff, and to just enjoy the massage. You are probably wondering what OCD stuff I am thinking of. Well, stuff like did she wash her hands after the last person and before starting on me, where she is first touching on me, I hope my feet are last. I’ve been doing better when things like this pop into my mind, however with massages I’ve had a little bit of a hard time. It could be the reason that I only do them once a month, along with I have only done them for about three months. I will give myself some more time.
The worst thing that happened at my massage was that my massage therapist gave her two weeks' notice. I’m not happy with having to start over with someone new, nevertheless it happens. It is frustrating when I am just starting to get used to this one. I have to look at the positive, which is several years back I would have never even gone into a massage place, and now I’m getting one.
The book On This Bright Day by Susan Peirce Thompson, PHD, had something that was meaningful to me.
Two feet from the ditch, two feet from the road. The truth of this recovery journey is that no matter how long you have been walking down this road, you are always still just two feet from the ditch. Which peaks to the need to maintain vigilance-even over the long haul. Do not take your stride for granted. Each step on the road is a gift.
I feel with my OCD that I need to stay vigilant for the reason that at any time without notice I could be right back in the ditch again. I have been doing so good with my contamination OCD, however it wouldn’t take much for me to slip back into where I was. I don’t want that for me or anyone else with OCD or any other anxiety.
If anyone has ever done it, you can too. - Gray Vaynerchuk
Other people have beaten OCD, which means I can and so can you beat OCD. Don’t stop believing. You could only be a hair way from turning the corner to beating OCD.
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
