Thank you for reading,
I’ve had a very busy week, even having a day off in the middle of it. Working on getting the house ready for everyone to come over for Thanksgiving in a couple of weeks. I cannot believe how fast this year has gone. I’m working on stuff with my dad at the assisted living place where he is along with normal life stuff.
I’ve been reading in the family room. I haven't sat on the couch that much, but I have sat on it. I realized another reason I'm having problems with the family room. It's where mom spent a lot of her time doing stuff like reading, watching TV, did Christmas and other holiday stuff in there. Being in the family room doesn’t feel right. With just me sitting in there by myself reading it doesn’t feel like a family room, even though I have family pictures up. My aunt comes into town next week, so I will see how that goes again with her putting her feet all over the furniture. When I was a kid we were told to keep our feet off the furniture. Nowadays, it seems like everyone around me does it. At least in my family. My OCD is already starting to ramp up just thinking about it. I need to only worry about what is happening today, and I will deal with tomorrow along with next week later.
Rachel also wants me to work on when my aunt leaves not to wipe off where my aunt puts her towel and washcloth. This isn’t going to be easy. She uses the same washcloth for the whole time she is here. It doesn’t matter if she is here one day or seven days. That washcloth is dirty, and she puts it on the towel rack with her towel. Not on the towel, but on the towel rack itself. I’m realizing again my OCD is making excuses. I will see how it goes.
I went to a SCBWI Conference yesterday. (Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators) I was by myself most of the day. I did talk with some people at the tables I was sitting at before the speaker would come on, however, my words were few. They had areas set up to mingle in your genre you write. I went and walked around for about five to seven minutes, then left. I sat by myself for lunch. I really have a hard time with social situations. I have never given my phone number out to anyone I just met. I know a lot of people do this. I’m wondering if it is for the reason that I’m not a trusting person. I know I don’t connect with people in a way to feel a close bond with right away like a lot of people do. I’ve been working on social situations in Tia Chi and at dance class. I’ve been talking to more people at both. The thing is that I’ve done Tia Chi now for over a year and dancing for six months, so I feel comfortable doing so. The thing I need to work on is talking to people at places when I first get there, and not six months or a year later. I wait for people to come to me to talk. I need to go to people to talk.
Another problem with me talking to people at certain events or places like SCBWI Conference, dance or Tai Chi is that I don’t feel that I’m any good at any of them. If I’m not good at something then I shouldn’t speak. I know with all of these things that people continually keep learning. It is an ongoing process, so I shouldn’t feel I’m not good enough. The way to learn is to talk to others, so you can gain knowledge. At the same time I don’t want to feel stupid by saying something stupid. You have to take risks, or You will never get where I want to go.
At the conference, people were coughing, wiping their nose, and the list goes on. I really had to stop paying so close attention to people. It wasn’t easy. I had one lady who sat down next to me who put out her hand and said my name is ____. I shook her hand even though I just noticed that she just blew and wiped her nose with a tissue. It wasn’t easy, nevertheless I didn’t run to the bathroom or do any compulsions.
Real quick if you are new, and haven’t read anything of mine, I have issues with stuff on the floor, the floor itself, along with shoes and what they walk on. I brought a laptop bag with me without the laptop to bring stuff to the conference. I put it on the floor and my chair over and over again. I realized when I got home that I wasn’t caring so much about my bag being on the floor or where I put it. I was trying to enjoy the conference and learn something. What I did learn was that what is more important to my OCD at the time was paying attention to people doing stuff, and not what I put on the floor, or where I put it after the floor. I didn’t realize that my OCD had a priority list of what was more important to it at the time. Does your OCD?
Quality is doing it right when no one is looking. - Henry Ford
Good habits are worth being fanatical about. - John Irving
Having a Great therapist is only half the battle. The other half is up to us. The good habits we build over time by the help of our therapist and ourselves to beat OCD will come together when you need them too. These good habits don’t happen in a day, a week, they happen in many days, many weeks, and sometimes many years.
Don’t give up. You’ve got this.
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
