OCD & Fearing God
Thank you for reading,
I went to a massage last Sunday. I was nervous to go, even though I have been three times now. My mind went to children who are in school now, so people are going to get sick, then the next thing is flu season. I’ve thought for many years now that from August to March is the sick season. I’ve always been extra careful, along with taking extra vitamins to prevent me from getting sick. Extra careful is me doing compulsions. I know there is no reason for me to think any of this, plus if the massage person I was seeing had any problem the place would have called me.
My nervousness went down, until I got to the massage place to find the lady running the front counter has a running nose. I told myself she might have allergies. Your allergies are not good right now either. My masseuse came to get me to which she was not having any problems of any kind. See it is only your OCD.
Therapy I would say was kinda intense the way I felt or thought about several things we talked about. You know one was fear and God. I rambled through all of what I wanted out of relationships, until it got to God. I really did write about what kind of relationship I want with God, I wrote how I’m afraid of God. This started a deep conversation with Rachel and I. I brought up that I have some guilt and fear with mom passing a year and half ago with things I’m doing with the house to what I want to keep or didn’t keep. She made me think that I may have had fear all my life even in my childhood.
Then Rachel asked me a question that my answer surprised me. Rachel's question was about if somebody didn't know any religion and they followed me around, and could read my mind at the same time what would they think of God? That God is scary and you should be afraid of Him. God isn’t like that at all. Why do I do this?
This isn’t good. Rachel and I have a lot of work to do with this.
During my session with Rachel, I told her that I have done routines as long as I can remember so I don’t forget anything. Things like writing notes to remember to turn up a/c or turn off apps on my phone before going to bed, etc. The way Rachel talked to me about this made me think everyone has routines, however, she made me realize that I go a little overboard with some of my routines. I’ve been thinking about this since my session. Maybe I need to do something different with my routines. OCD is telling me that I should stop my routines all together being that I would forget something that is important. That bothers me a lot. After reading the post Taking my life back from OCD by Irina Toader, I’m going to think about if I need certain routines and how to change them up. I will most likely go over the post at least one more time. It was good. You should read it.
Taking my life back from OCD with a sound routine
What my lifestyle looked like during OCD recovery
Aug 12, 2026
I got a surprise today by seeing my adult children and grandchild today. My children were talking about religion. It was a very deep discussion. I'm not going to go into details about it, however I got bothered a little by the discussion. You know my issues with God right now, well it made me think about if my fear of God is so strong that I have lost my faith in God too. I almost started to cry. I caught myself just in time. I'm glad mom had influenced both of their lives in the belief in God. Mom never forced religion on anyone, but she started teaching all the Bible stories to all the children she was around her at a young age. Mom was awesome.
I went to church right after seeing them, even church was hard this week. The church was telling us that there is no problem too big for God to help you. I wanted to say what if the problem I’m having is with God. The last five hours between my children and church hasn’t been easy. After finishing this blog, I think I’m going to go watch a comedy movie.
Let me end with this quote by C.S. Lewis.
There are Far, Far Better things ahead, than any we leave behind. - C.S. Lewis
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
https://ocdaz.org/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
