OCD & Social Anxiety
Thank you for reading,
Last night at dancing, I told you I was going to work on my social anxiety. It didn’t go the way I was expecting to from the beginning. As I was walking towards the dance studio still in the parking lot a lady who I’m getting to know better pulled in, so we walked in together. We talked till the first session started, then talked in between the sessions, therefore I didn’t get to talk to anyone else either of those times, which is okay. The lady told me I needed to come out of my shell by staying around longer at the social dance. I social danced with about six people. I don’t know how much you are supposed to talk during dancing regardless, I did a lot of talking to everyone I danced with. Talking wasn’t good with the lady I walked in with for the reason I kept messing with her, which she got irritated with me. I should have apologized. I feel bad. This made me think, I’m I dancing for the reason I enjoy it, or to socialize? It is actually both. I need to do less talking on the dance floor though. I started feeling awkward again about 9:10 p.m., hence I left at 9:15 p.m. I didn’t push myself to stay. I make the same excuse every week. That I’m tired getting up early and have a lot of steps in. This excuse is even getting old to me. It is the truth though. I got up at 3 a.m. Friday by the time I went to bed I had 24,776 steps on my Fitbit. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is I need to figure out a way to push myself to stay later, and actually talk to people.
Do you remember how early I was getting to places? Thirty minutes or more. Well, I’ve been cheating a little by leaving early to get to places earlier these days like Tia Chi on Saturdays, so today I pushed myself not to leave until I would get to Tia Chi only ten minutes early. This was really hard today. I told myself I would be fine getting there at that time. That I didn’t need to sit in my special spot by the door. I can sit anywhere and next to anyone on either side of me. I talked to myself most of the way there. This did help me not to speed to try to get there earlier than ten minutes. Once I got there, I parked, jumped out of the car nearly sprinting to the class. I didn’t get my normal seat. It didn’t bother me, which surprised me. Maybe because I talked to people next to me. Not sure.
I might be expecting too much from myself trying to schedule stuff after work. Pushing yourself is okay to do, as long as you don’t over do it to the point of hurting yourself mentally or physically. I can see how easily I could turn scheduling into an OCD compulsion. I realized the reason I’m doing this scheduling is to get more done in the place I’m living, to get it ready for when my aunt comes back down and for the holidays if someone comes over.
I’ve been procrastinating with making my parents' house my own. I need to get more serious with doing it. Even if I never believe it in my mind, I need to do it for others who come over.
I want to minimize the house, so of course I bought a book on how to do it. It tells you to take stuff that doesn’t belong in a room and put it in the room it belongs in. I did that. I also started putting stuff in the family that I needed to go through or make decisions on. I had so much stuff in the family room it wasn’t funny, besides I haven’t made it to all the rooms. I had a family member come over last Sunday to help me with cleaning up the family room. It took around two hours to do just that. It’s not finished, but I can now see the floor. LOL!
I’m still having issues with God that I need to work out. I’ve been keeping an eye on myself when praying by not praying too long. I still need to work on my fear of God along with working on me having a friendship relationship with him.
I still have plenty of work to do with beating my OCD, nevertheless I will beat my OCD.
Facing it, always facing it, that’s the way to get through it. - Joseph Conrad
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
