OCD and Homeless People
Thank you for reading,
During my last therapy session, Rachel and I talk about how I have a hard time with the homeless people. Before I move on let me just say that I believe this is my Contamination OCD. She asked me, why do they bother me? What can I not do with them? At first I said that I didn’t know. She told me to think about it. I’m scared to even go give them water, or to approach them in any way. I know they are people who are in hard times, but that doesn’t matter to me. After thinking about it, I said I didn’t know what they might do or how they would react. Maybe they might lunge at me or attack me. I didn’t say this in the session nevertheless I know them being dirty is part of it due to the fact it bothers my Contamination OCD.
Rachel told me that a lot of times the homeless are the victims of things like being robbed, etc. I had no idea. I feel embarrassed writing this. I wonder how many people like me are scared to go talk or give someone water because of the way they look or don’t understand them.
The reason I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately is because I read a book a couple of months ago called Undercover Kindness by Jimmy Darts. It is a really good book. He started out by posting random acts of kindness on social media and it took off from there. He could just go up and talk to people anywhere. I cannot do that. My mother could and did. LOL! I’m a big introvert.
Rachel then said how about you volunteering with the homeless. I used to volunteer many years ago, and enjoyed going to help at food banks, cleaning up parks, cooking, etc. You can start out small helping cook or serve food around them, and see how it goes. I said okay, that I will do some volunteering, especially since I’m working four tens this summer.
I went and volunteered at Saint Vincent de Paul. I was helping prepare food for the next day. I had a little bit of a difficult time with tightness in my chest. My heart was beating a little bit harder than normal. It took about an hour for me to calm down. My body never calmed all the way down, but enough to start to talk to people and not feel fearful, so that was good. I was there for three and half hours.
This older gentleman kept wanting to help me with different tasks. He was a very nice man. There were several of us around, nevertheless he came to help me. We were all making sandwiches. They told us to make sure we have the same bread on the same top as the bottom, which I was gonna do anyhow with my OCD. The old man kept wanting not to do it. It was driving me crazy. I had to keep going back and fixing it. He finally left to go help somewhere else, which I was grateful for.
Working there was very humbling. I almost started to cry. A different man was helping pack sandwiches in baggies. The man said, I'm really grateful, to which I said, me too. He made me think how any of us could be in the situation of being homeless. All it would take is one circumstance. I have never met any of these people before, so I don't know why they are there helping or their situation. I don't ask however it does make me wonder. I know I'm very blessed at the same time it made me feel even more blessed. I held it together.
I got in the car and was driving home when the water worksI started. I cried practically for the whole twenty - five minute ride home. I am truly grateful and blessed to not just have food, shelter and family, but so much more. Thank you God.
I think this might be related to the above. At Tai Chi this morning there is this old gentleman who has been showing up for awhile. He is in his late sixties at least. I don’t know him at all; he rarely speaks to anyone. Since I volunteered yesterday, I looked at him differently today. He brings a tote bag with stuff in it every time. The bag has food, a drink, I’ve seen him pull out a laptop, etc. In the past at times he is a little disrespectful by calling or answering his phone while the class is going or the teacher is speaking. He has done other little things too. He wears the same clothes or the same type of clothes every Saturday he is at Tai Chi. He wears a button down dress shirt with dress pants, maybe slacks. I know the shirt is the same color every week, but I would guess it is the same shirt. As I was pulling in the parking lot he was getting off the bus. I’m not saying the man is homeless, but it does make me wonder about his story a little more along with feeling a little compassion for him.
I plan to keep volunteering not just at Saint Vincent de Paul, but other places too. This is not to just keep me humble which I think I need sometimes. I still have my OCD problem with homeless people that I need to fix.
It seems I get so close to fixing one area of my OCD, then another one pops up. Sometimes it feels like a never ending cycle. I believe in my heart that someday I will be completely free of OCD. We need to make the time not just to be compassionate to others, but also to be compassionate to ourselves.
Roy T. Bennett
"We are all different. Don’t judge, understand instead," Bennett wrote in his book The Light in the Heart.
Roy T. Bennett
"More smiling, less worrying. More compassion, less judgment. More blessed, less stressed. More love, less hate," Bennett wrote inThe Light in the Heart.
Jack Kornfield
"If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete," Kornfield wrote in Buddha's Little Instruction Book.
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
https://ocdaz.org/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
