OCD and Religion
Thank you for reading.
The dance convention last Saturday was good. I went to five workshops. I actually talked to some people other than dancing at the workshops. I’m still noticing people a lot and not in a good way. Rachel mentioned this to me last session. Once I realized I was doing it, I then started to try to not notice the bad things, but the good things. What am I noticing? Well, I notice the way people put on their shoes, the way they touch their nose and mouth, and when I go to the bathroom I notice if someone washes their hands or not. These are a few things I notice.
In the middle of the contests while no competitor is dancing, others can go out to dance a few songs. Saturday two ladies came in and sat at a table I was at with another guy I was talking to. One of the ladies asked either one to dance. I said yes. I told her I was new and not good. Did I ever show it? She took me out to the middle of the dance floor. I’m an introvert. I like not to be center stage most of the time, especially when I’m not very good at something. I literally can tell you the difference between my hand in my foot or right and left. It was so bad. I was so embarrassed. I sat back down at the table and started to talk to the guy who was there again about anything other than what happened out on the dance floor. A little while later the other lady asked me to dance. Sometimes you have to get back up and try it again, so I reluctantly said yes. I walked her to nearly the middle of the dance floor due to the fact all the edges were full. I did so much better. I was really glad I went back out on the dance floor.
Another reason I’m glad I went to this convention is I watched the fireworks go off for the first time in many, many years. It was nice to watch with other people around. The fireworks were beautiful.
Sunday - I did two more workshops. My legs were really sore from the weekend. I’m glad I took Monday off. One of the instructors told us to stretch a couple of times that day because of how much he worked on our legs. I really enjoyed everything about the conference. I had a lot of fun.
Another thing I fought with is taking extra vitamin C while at the convention. Before going I kept going back and forth about not wanting to get sick, and I should take vitamin C several times a day to help not getting sick. There were going to be over six hundred people there from all over. While at the convention I started to ruminate about bringing my vitamin C and how I was going to get sick. Most of my rumination happened when I was by myself, which wasn’t very often, although it started when I got home from the convention on Sunday, then on Monday morning when my sinus were really bad and I had a headache. I shut down my OCD telling myself that I have sinus issues sometime and all this was my OCD talking. I’m proud of myself for never taking any.
My religious stuff has been hard to deal with. Like I mentioned last week, I think that something bad will happen if I don’t do my journals, prayers, the same way then something bad may happen to my family, friends or myself is OCD. Let’s start with my journal. Several times this week I started to write the same way I’ve always done, and had to stop to start again. I don’t like doing the journal this way however, I have to stop my OCD from controlling this part of my life. There is a positive to this, which is that there were a couple of days I wrote more than three things down, and I’m getting more than three days on a page.
I pray to God at least three times a day. Once when I wake up, I thank him for the day before, and to have a good day ahead. While I’m driving to work or somewhere else if not going to work. This is when I pray for others and everything else. At night when going to bed, I thank him for my day and things in it, and if I need to pray for someone or something else I do it too. I was starting all my prayers the same exact way, which was a fairly long intro. I’m trying to stop this since this falls under the bad things happening to me category. I also talk to God several times a day about anything that is bothering or thanking him for helping me in some way.
As far as me saying my verses every day, I’ve started doing them every other day. Most of the time. LOL!
I started to write this Friday morning. I saw Rachel Friday afternoon. We talked in depth about my religious OCD issues. I’m not going to get into all the details of my session for the reason that it will take too long. My homework for this was to pick three days that I wouldn’t pray. Along with No apologizing to God, asking for forgiveness for no prayer days, and no doing anything to compensate. The reason Rachel added these stipulations was due to the fact of my therapy session. I just jumped in and picked Saturday, Monday, and Wednesday. First, I should have thought about what days more in depth seeing as I go or watch church on Saturdays. That really didn’t matter.
This is what I wrote this morning at 6:53 a.m. - I'm already having a hard time not praying. I didn't pray after getting out of bed, or after reading the Bible. I did pray before my breakfast. What is disturbing to me is throughout the Bible it shows people not asking God for help, but relying on people or other things and God getting mad, and forsaking them. I’m reading 2 Chronicles, which are in the Old Testament. I don't want that. I want God on my side helping me with my life and through life. I also think I felt lonely not praying. I talk to God throughout my day, and yes I consider that praying sometimes too. This is my first no prayer day and I'm not even an hour into it, and having issues.
The rest of my day hasn’t gone much better. I pretty much thank God everywhere I go. I didn’t realize how much I do this. Not praying to God while driving to Tia Chi this morning which takes about thirty five to forty minutes to get there was very difficult. I had some small issues like a little tightness in my chest, along with trying to distract myself by listening to music. I went to church and with church there is prayer and communion.
I consider my day of no prayer a failure. What am I going to do about it? First, let me say I thought this would be difficult. I didn’t realize I was as bad off as I am. On a scale of one to ten. I was thinking I was seven or eight. Now after the first day I might be ten or more. In my mind, I thought I didn’t have this big of a problem. I see now that it is my OCD talking to me yet again. This time in a different type of OCD. I know there is a religious type of OCD, but I’m not going to speculate that I have that type or what type it is. That is a question for Rachel. I’m going to trust God and Rachel to get me through this.
I see I’m going to have to work on my religious stuff daily. What that is right now, I’m not sure. I will do my best until my next therapy session. In the meantime, I will prepare myself better for Monday's no prayer day.
Facing it, always facing it, that’s the way to get through it. - Joseph Conrad
We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope. - Martin Luther King Jr.
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
https://ocdaz.org/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
