OCD & Routines
Thank you for reading.
Happy 4th of July!
I have several routines that I do every day. I know everyone has routines that include morning, night, when you get to work. I have them too, however mine have become OCD driven. Most of mine are religious related. I pray the same prayer for myself and a similar prayer for my family and friends, then at the end I will pray for other things. I feel if I don’t pray this prayer something bad will happen to me or my family or friends along with them or I will not get blessings. This takes me about half an hour or longer to do every day. I haven’t realized how stressful this has been for me. I also have twenty plus verses I say on a daily basis. I’m afraid of forgetting them.
For several weeks now at therapy we have been discussing how my prayers have become OCD driven. With me having OCD as well as thinking something bad will happen or blessing will not come to family, friends or myself is what makes this OCD. This may sound weird to people who don’t understand OCD, nevertheless OCD makes me keep doing my prayers and my verses like this over and over again. OCD is very powerful.
Another routine I have which is OCD is filling out my gratitude journal the same way in the beginning every time. This is not my new gratitude journal for my OCD. This is also religious for I start out by thanking God for everything I’m about to write down. I then write down seven lines worth of the same stuff before writing down anything new. I also make sure I fit three days exactly on one page, and to not go over to the next page.
With all this religious stuff going on, I thought about talking to one of the pastors at church, instead I decided to talk to God directly one day last week along with Rachel’s great help I feel better. I’m not cured of these issues by any means. Rachel and I have a lot of work to do, but I feel less stressed than I have been.
I didn't sleep all week, between dancing coming up this weekend and going to therapy. I’m a little nervous about this weekend due to the fact I’m not good at social situations along with I’m not good at dancing. I will be at the convention for three days.
Rachel pushing me is great help for me, since I hesitate to push myself sometimes. Therapy takes me around fifty minutes to get there. Rachel has been trying to get me to stop thinking about being late, but look at it as less extremely unreasonably early and not late. I left work sixty three minutes before my therapy session, which I usually will leave at least an hour and half if not more to make sure I’m there on time. It took me fifty three minutes to get to therapy. I had to talk myself into not speeding or doing anything else stupid, which I did. Once I got most of the way there I knew I wouldn't be late so I started to relax. I think I told you that I started using Google maps to drive places, which has helped. Google rerouted me because of a car on fire on the highway. As you can see Rachel was right, yet again. It is irritating to me, why I still want my OCD to be right sometimes. This isn’t good.
Therapy was a little stressful. Rachel doesn't forget anything. I talked about everything under the sun, and then the subject of me touching my shoes came up. I told her I started with my slip ons, and was working my way to my work shoes. I explained how my work shoes have gross stuff on them because I clean up vomit, unclog toilets etc. That didn't matter. In the end, Rachel is right that my OCD is telling me this. I cannot remember her exact words, but I had to rip off the band aid, which seems harsh, but she worded it a lot better and nicer. She is a Great therapist. She knows when to push me and when not too. I needed a big push. Right there in the office I touched my shoes. Not the bottom of them. Rachel touched her shoes too, but she touched the top and bottom of her shoes.
Touching my shoes was really tough for me. I felt tightness in my chest and my hands were a little shaky, however I didn’t break into a sweat. Since going to therapy, I have been keeping up on touching my work shoes.
I got to the Phoenix 4th of July dance convention in Scottsdale, AZ on Thursday and checked into the hotel. The first workshop wasn’t till 7 p.m., then a social dance right after. Me trying to not be supper early decided to get to the ballrooms exactly at 7 p.m. for the reason I thought I could just show my ticket and go in. I was wrong. There was a check in process that I didn’t realize opened at 4 p,m. By the time I got into the workshop I was twenty minutes late, so I just watched and learned what I could. I didn’t do any social dancing after the workshop either. I wasn’t feeling confident and a little socially awkward, so I watched, then went back to the room for the night.
Friday was a lot of fun. I did a total of seven hours of workshops. I watched the competitions for about two hours. I talked to a gentleman who has done dancing for over thirty years and gave me some good advice. I didn’t get to bed until 11 p.m. I will let you know how Saturday goes next week.
We all fail at something. I’m constantly failing at beating my OCD, but I will not give up on beating it completely. I believe that someday I will be completely free of OCD in my life. Don’t give up on beating OCD. Don’t let OCD win.
I can accept failure. Everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying. - Michael Jordan
I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. - Michael Jordan
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
https://ocdaz.org/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
