OCD Ragging Sea
Thank you for reading,
School starts in about two weeks, so this week we had kindergarten experience, which is where the kindergarteners will come to school for four days for three hours a day to get used to school before school starts. This is optional. I’ve heard that ones that do show up for this that it helps them a lot. They know where things are like their classrooms, restrooms, playground, etc. When the first day comes it doesn’t overwhelm them with all the students coming in all at once, plus not knowing where anything is or their teacher. They had a good turn out with thirty-six children showing up. I had a good experience this year too for the reason none of the children had an accident of any kind.
I went to a celebration of life this past weekend. It was very nice and beautifully done. They had different people volunteer to make food for everyone who came. It was serve yourself. I was debating on going up to eat when my ex wife told me who made most of the food, and it would be good. I wasn’t debating on if the food was good or not. I was debating on going and getting anything since it was self-serve and all the food was on folding tables. People serving themselves and some children serving themselves or touching things with their hands. I told myself I would be fine and went to get some food to eat. It was very good.
I was off on Friday. I had a therapy appointment with Rachel at 1p.m. I left at 12 p.m. and parked the car at 12:45 p.m. It took me about four miles to calm down, so I wasn’t in a rush to get to therapy. I’ve had better days, but I thought it was still good. Rachel told me if I know it will take me forty-five minutes to get there, then I need to leave forty-five minutes before. I understand the point. I’m not ready for this. I need at least ten minutes to walk in and I might have to use the restroom. LOL!
My religion OCD isn’t getting a lot better. I kept trying to do the no prayer days, however I couldn’t do it. I did only pray getting up in the morning, after reading the Bible, at meals, and before bed. Not praying, talking or thanking God in the vehicle is very difficult for me still. I tried to listen to music, talk to myself, think about how to fix a writing problem with something I’m writing, and nothing worked. I’m not thanking or apologizing to God in the vehicle out loud too much anymore, at the same time I’m thinking about it.
On the days I do pray in the car, I get worried about not remembering how I pray, everything I pray for or everyone I pray for. The other day I was starting to go a little crazy thinking of what I missed until it started to come back to me little by little.
The thing is if I don’t pray for something, then I’m afraid God will not give it to me. No matter if it is for me or for someone else. I don’t want God made at me for anything either.
I realized the other day I’ve memorized my verses so well that if I skip my verses a day or even two it is okay I won’t forget them. It gave me some relief. I know this isn’t good. This is my OCD talking to me and telling me good job.
I told you I started back going to church instead of watching online. Right after getting to church today, I was wondering if I should try to go cold turkey. Try not to do any religious stuff including not going to church. There is no way I could do this. At least not now.
I go to a big church. One of the songs that was sung this week is called Jesus Jesus. Some of the lyrics to the song: Part of Verse 1 - Oh I’ve heard, That you can move the mountains, How I need this mountain moved, Part of Verse 2 - And I’ve heard, That you can heal the broken, But these wounds are buried deep, Chorus - Jesus I need you, Like nothing else nothing else, Jesus only you, And nothing else nothing else, Part of Verse 3 - And I’ve heard, That you can walk on water, And My mind's a raging sea. At this point in the song standing in church I broke down crying.
Anyone who has OCD knows our minds can be calm one minute and in a blink of an eye can be a ragging sea.
If you would like to listen to the song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDwSkR2qsFI
Right after the band stops playing a person will come out to say something that will go into communion. I don’t even remember everything that the gentleman said, he did say something about some of us having an internal battle to deal with, to which I broke down in tears again.
I’ve been having a pretty okay day to this point, so I don’t know why church affected me so much. As I got up to leave I thought I needed to let my hair down so to speak and have some fun like a kid does by playing in the rain. Maybe the next time it rains I need to just go stand in it. As I walked out to my vehicle it started to sprinkle. It made me think that maybe God does hear us. It wasn’t a lot on the other hand in Arizona it was nice to have the temperature drop from around 116 to into the 90’s.
A few fun things I did this week was take off half a day of work to go to an Arizona Diamondbacks baseball game. They won 15 to 5, which made it even better along with hitting five home runs. I went to see the movie Odyssey. I didn’t see it in a IMax theater. I didn’t know what it was about until I watched the trailer. I thought it looked good. I’m sorry, I don’t understand all the hype. I’ve heard of people seeing it twice. It was okay. I thought the first half of the movie was very slow. After seeing it I realized it was not my type of movie. It didn’t show this in the trailer.
Everyone suffers some injustice in life, and what better motivation than to help others not to suffer in the same way. - Bella Thorne
“Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind … or forgotten.” —Stitch, Lilo & Stitch
Families help each other with the hard stuff. OCD is a family that supports others of all mental illnesses. As part of the OCD family please keep helping others with OCD by sharing your experiences along with sharing information that might help others.
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
https://ocdaz.org/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
