Progress & OCD
Thank you for reading,
Children are out of school here in Arizona for the summer. I still work all summer doing maintenance around the school. It is a reprieve or relief not having to clean up messes of all kinds. This is time I get to reset myself and the school for the next school year. Listening to music and podcasts while getting my work done in a mostly empty school. The front office is there for a couple of weeks, then they will be gone. There will be a few people in and out until everyone in the front office gets back right after the fourth of July, then teachers will slowly start coming in to get their keys to set up their room for next year.
My OCD at work isn’t as bad during the summer for the most part because I’m by myself. I do on a rare occasion still have small situations that come up. One would be fixing something in the restroom, even when it is clean in the restrooms the cleaners don’t always clean everywhere or the good. I still wear gloves, and try not to do a compulsion if something touches my shoes or pants to clean them, but it isn’t easy. My OCD mind reminds me of where I am, how I know the cleaners do not clean very well, and there are germs everywhere. Some days are better than others with me being able to shut down my OCD, still there are days that are tough to keep OCD quiet.
On the tough days, I will have some win some lose some battles with my OCD. On these days I will sometimes just react and do a compulsion. I talked about this last week, how I have done my compulsions in the past for so long that they have become a reaction, how I need to make a new habit of not doing compulsions. When I realize I just did a compulsion out of a reaction, I sometimes will go back if it is possible to do it the right way without the compulsion. I make myself slow down , pay more attention to what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. Changing a habit takes time at the same time an OCD mind will take a bit longer to change. I feel it is possible to do.
That being said, at home this week my aunt and her dog decided to come down to stay with me to see people before it got too hot down here in Phoenix. I love my aunt, but my OCD mind doesn’t. She is a seventies person through and through. She likes to lotion her body after taking a shower. I have known this. I walk out to the family room to talk to her as she starts to lotion herself. She starts with the bottom of her feet first and works her way up. This is extremely difficult for me for the reason being the floor to me is very dirty from lots of things people step on throughout the day. To start with the bottom of your feet and work your way up, to me you are putting whatever is on your feet all over your body. Why take a shower?
I had to cut my conversation short to walk away to go take my shower along with stopping myself from starting to ruminate about what she was doing. I pray that she went and washed her hands, however I would doubt it. I have had to really push myself to not think of this, or what she touched after lotioning nightly after her shower.
The only compulsion I did after my aunt left was wipe off the bathroom towel rack where she puts her towel, and I use it after she leaves. I’m not proud of this. I could try to explain why I do it, but there is no excuse. I need to do better at stopping all my compulsions. Now, I did wipe off the kitchen sink and the kitchen sink counter along with removing the drying towel. She will rinse the cups she is using and put them on the drying towel to dry. She doesn’t wash them. She does this so she doesn’t use too many cups. This bothers me for the fact that she is putting her germs on a place I would put clean stuff. I don’t feel these are compulsions. The stuff is dirty. I will do normal cleaning beside that I will not wipe off anything else, even the place she sat to put her lotion on, even though I want to.
Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. - George Bernard Shaw
I came across this quote this week. I have thought about how hard it is to change an OCD mind. It feels like it is impossible to do. Just because it feels like it is impossible doesn’t mean it is. I feel you can change anything with God, the right mindset, support, and help. Keep believing in God and yourself. Don’t give up. I believe you can beat OCD. I believe I will beat OCD.
I don’t know if I have mentioned this before. One really good thing before I go, is my family is on baby watch. My daughter is having her first child any day. We are all praying she makes it till Tuesday, which is moms birthday.
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop." — Confucius
"A little progress each day adds up to big results." — Satya Nani
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
https://ocdaz.org/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
