Rigid
Thank you for reading my blog,
A rigid person is someone who is inflexible and not willing to change their routine. Rachel told me I was rigid, and I have to agree with her. I am a rigid person. Do you know when I know when someone is right and I'm wrong? I learned this by going to therapy with Rachel. It is when I want to argue and prove that I'm right. I really want to argue with Rachel at therapy on Tuesday to prove that I wasn't rigid, or the reason I was rigid was for these reasons, and then I was going to list them. I would show her, but in reality I would have been the one who got shown, in addition to looking like a fool. That's how I know I'm in the wrong. If you have ever seen the Big Bang Theory and know the character Sheldon, I’m like Sheldon in some cases. I have routines for most everything in my life from the time I wake up till I go to bed. I try for the most part to eat at the same time every meal. I do laundry on Saturday nights like Sheldon, except on a rare occasion I will do it on a different night. My routine at work stays the same most days with a little difference, but not really much change. On occasions I will change a routine at work just to be a little different, but it is a permanent change most of the time. I keep things in certain spots and some things I also keep a certain way. I don’t think I have ever told anyone this, but I thought the way Sheldon numbered his socks with a mark to keep the same socks as pairs was a great idea. I tried doing it, but it was time consuming, and hard to write on the socks even with a marker. I have felt disappointed in myself this week after talking to Rachel. I feel like I've let myself down by not wanting to change things. Maybe I'm letting OCD win. No there is no maybe. I’m letting OCD win.
Rachel gave me a book to read. The book’s title is Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb. I’m about a third of the way through it. The day I went to therapy with Rachel I came home to read this in the book: “If you want hours worth of sympathy from your therapist, you're not going to get it. Your therapist is there for your growth and they're supporting you to grow and to beat whatever problem you're dealing with.” I’m glad Rachel calls me out, challenges me to keep progressing and not being content with the way I’m living with my OCD. All of this I’m talking about has to do with my OCD, even though Rachel didn’t say that to me. I know it is true. I’ve been content with the way my life is since my mother’s passing. After settling in of course, which took me several months, however this is like last week's post about people coming over and me watching their every move. In the back of my mind or my OCD mind, I don't want anyone to upset my routine. I worry if I change my routine, or go to a more flexible routine, then I will forget something that I don’t want to forget, so I will stay doing the same routine, and be content with it. At the same time I know I’m still doing some compulsions that I need to stop. I could say they are only minor compulsions, or give a reason why I’m doing them in spite of the fact that they are compulsions. I know if I let them go without addressing my compulsions that eventually OCD will take my life back over again. I never want that to ever happen again. If you know and understand OCD, then you can see how that can happen very quickly and easily. My task for myself is to make a list of all my compulsions. Yes, even the ones I don’t want to change, but I know deep down I have too. I also need to work on not having such a strict routine.
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January 10, 2026 is Phoenix One Million Steps for OCD Walk. 8:00 a.m. - 10:30 a.m. at Kiwanis Park, Temp, Arizona, Check in at Ramada 14
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
