I Feel Like A Real Person Sometimes
Thank you for reading my blog,
Sometimes I feel like a real person doing not so smart stuff like when I get in a hurry, or trying to do more than one thing at a time. I turned around really quick to walk into a cement pillar, or coming out of Trader Joe’s to go to my vehicle and thought the car was going to keep going and I would walk behind it, to have it stop for me to walk into it. I hurt my nose pregood on the cement pillar, and hurt my hand on the car. They could have been worse. I need to slow down. I take Tai Chi on Saturday’s at a community college. I’m having a hard time slowing down. The instructor tells me at least once a week to go slow. I say all of this given the fact my OCD some days feels like it is crippling me.
Quick story. My ex-wife asked me why I haven’t moved into the master bedroom, since my mom passed away and we put dad in a home. The first thing on my mind was I wasn’t ready, but after thinking about it the next day, I realized it wasn’t about me not being ready. It was about me not wanting to give up my routine. I like routines. I also don’t like change. They probably go hand and in hand. I decided to move just the box spring and mattress into the master bedroom today to give it a try for the night. I see a lot of issues. I also see a lot of potential. One thing that bothers me the most is when there is a gathering people use the master bathroom. I have told you before that I like my privacy. This would make my whole life vulnerable, which I don’t like. I like my shell. At therapy this week I told Rachel about all of this. She thinks I should try it.
I like feeling normal even though it doesn’t happen all the time. Even if the normal is me being a Klutz.
I told you last week I was going to make a list of my compulsion, which I didn’t do. I will do a list off the top of my head on my compulsion. First, is one I forgot about until I was talking to Rachel on Thursday. I have a chair I keep clean. I only sit in it after I have showered or first thing in the morning before I get dressed. I don’t want to take things like pollen to bed with me to make my sinus worse. In 2023 Rachel had me sit in it before I took a shower and then after the shower. Since all this stuff has happened with my parents, I’ve been having the chair clean. It might be a little longer that I’ve been doing this again. I’m really not sure. My daughter gave me another chair, which I use before I take a shower. That is one compulsion. Putting on my shoes, or doing anything with my shoes, I wash. Taking out the trash anywhere I use gloves. I put bags back in the trash can at home now without gloves, so that is an improvement. I cannot pick up trash on the ground at work without putting it in a trash can without gloves. By the way, I work at an elementary school K - 4. I didn’t wear gloves the other day to move cafe tables around, and my hands felt dirty and sticky after two sets of tables. I finished moving all the tables before washing my hands. The next time I moved them I used gloves again. Watering the yard or plants outside with a hose I would wash my hands. This week I have worked on not washing my hands and have done pretty good. After putting the laundry in the wash I will wash my hands. The clothes and everything else I am washing are dirty. This makes sense to me. Next, I wash dishes by hand for the reason I’m the only one here. After making sure both sinks are clean with clean hot water, and the dishes sit for at least three minutes, then I will wash them only after I wash my hands. If I don’t dry the dishes right away, when I come back I will wash my hands to put them away.
If I’m feeling normal being a Kluz, then I’m okay with that for the reason that for a lot of my life the last thirteen or so years I haven’t felt even close to normal, or close to my family and friends. Cherish every moment you feel normal, even if someone calls you a kluz, a dork, or anything else due to the fact they don’t know what your OCD is doing to you most of the time.
A quote that feels right at this moment is by Brene Brown - “Stay Awkward, Brave and Kind.
If you would like to contact me for any reason, I now have a contact me tab at the top of the page.
January 10, 2026 is Phoenix One Million Steps for OCD Walk. 8:00 a.m. - 10:30 a.m. at Kiwanis Park, Temp, Arizona, Check in at Ramada 14
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
