Venting
Thank you for reading my blog,
I’ve been telling you most of the time in the past blogs how I’ve gotten to where I am today with my OCD. I'm going to tell you how my week was instead. I need to vent a little. Since I have no friends that I confide in or talk to on a regular basis. I love my family, but they are all busy. I had a rough week at work and home. Today is Saturday, and it has been three weeks today that I’ve tried to get my mother’s old land line phone number with Cox. It has been very frustrating. Mom passed away this year in February. On Wednesday after doing some errands after work I get home to a phone call from Cox. The poor guy on the other line only wanted to talk to me about promotions they were having. I didn’t even give him a chance to tell me any of the promotions. I let him have it non-stop about not getting the phone number I wanted. He gave me the customer service number, which is worthless. A little while later after talking to him I broke down crying. I know my mother’s passing is still fresh, and that I’m associating mom’s old phone number with her. That if I lose the number then I lose her completely. I know this isn’t true seeing as I will always have her in my mind along with all the memories we shared. I have been in a funk ever since. Thursday after work I went to see dad. He is staying in a senior living facility because he has dementia, so he cannot be by himself. This didn’t help my OCD for when I got there the lady at the front desk told me that there is a respiratory virus going around. She says we have masks for you to wear. I thought about not going in for the reason I don’t want to get sick. That is my OCD talking to me in one ear. In the other ear I have Rachel, my therapist telling me I need to push through this and go see dad. I took the mask and went to see dad. I usually stay an hour, but I started ruminating about getting sick, so I only stayed thirty to forty minutes. I didn’t let him hug me goodbye either. Seeing dad was hard on me. Friday at work I got a craving for home made chocolate chip cookies that mom made. I thought she followed the one on the Nestle’s chocolate chip bag. I was wrong. Being down, I decided to make them, so for dinner I had a bag of popcorn and chocolate chip cookies. This isn’t good. I do this every once in a while. I will eat better for a day to two weeks, but then I go off the deep end. How does this relate to OCD? If you don’t know, OCD will attach to any kind of grief, trouble, sadness, and maybe fear. Not sure about all of them, but OCD does attach to grief. My therapist is great. She talked to me about paying attention to my OCD considering the hard times I was going through which started last December. She reminded me that OCD sneaks up on you, and before you know it you will be doing compulsions. That I have been doing so well, and she didn’t want me to go backwards in my therapy. I wish I didn’t go backwards at all in my eating. I do at times struggle with my OCD, however, I’m doing so much better than I was in 2023 thanks to God and Rachel. Seeing dad was very difficult with my OCD along with times this year at work with Covid going around, and people coming to work sick. When I was seeing dad I was paying way too much attention to what I touched like my sunglasses that I moved before using sanitizer to go see dad. The front desk lady told me I had to use it. Then after getting into the car I did a compulsion to wipe off my sunglasses to make me feel better just because I touched them after using the pen to sign in to see dad that everyone used. My compulsions didn’t stop there. When I got home I took extra Vitamin C that night and the next day. Yes, this is a compulsion. I did it to stop the OCD voice in my head telling me if I don’t take the extra Vitamin C, then I would get sick. Now that I have messed up with my OCD, I need to reel myself back in. You maybe thinking that this one or two compulsions is no big deal at the same time it could evolve into much worse very quickly. OCD can come on extremely quickly with me. I need to pay attention and to push through more things with my OCD. I will not let OCD run my life ever again. One other thing before I go, is you always need to be honest with your therapist due to the fact that it will only hurt you in the long run. Don’t write a blog and tell her about it if you don’t want her to know things. LOL! I’m always up front with Rachel. I’ve told her about this blog along with giving her other stuff to read that I have written. I might not always remember everything to tell her at some of my therapy sessions, but I try. I cannot thank God and Rachel enough for giving my life back to me before my mom’s passing. I feel mom was very appreciative too.
If you would like to contact me for any reason, I now have a contact me tab at the top of the page.
October 11, 2025 is Phoenix One Million Steps for OCD Walk. 8:00 a.m. - 10:30 a.m.
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Mr. Semi-normal Tracy T. Agnelli
