I Lost It, But Not My OCD
Thank you for reading,
Last Saturday after writing last week's Blog, I went to Tai Chi, and the contractors came by to finish the front bathroom. Remember they finished the master bathroom, so my OCD had me put on a keyed lock on the master bedroom door. The contractors called me while I was at Tai Chi. I told them that they didn’t need to go into the master bathroom because it was finished. They were told it wasn’t finished, they would call their boss and ask. After Tai Chil I did some errands. When I got home I found my master bedroom had been broken into by the contractors that did the work.
Saying I totally lost it was an under statement. I called the guy who called to give him a piece of my mind, which he denied doing, then I called the project manager who didn’t answer and left him a not so nice message. I called the company to talk to a person answering the phone who told me that a manager will contact me on Monday. I told the lady on the phone that their stuff would be outside. After calming down a little on Saturday I put all their stuff outside. This set me off again for the reason I found one of my shirts that was in my dresser drawer with their stuff that they used as a rag.
Not just did my OCD get going into high gear, also I felt violated. I didn’t use any senses. I just took stuff out of my drawer and started washing stuff, then I started cleaning. I didn’t get myself or my OCD under control for awhile.
I came to find out on Monday from the manager that the project manager went on vacation for a couple of days and should have given me the manager’s phone number just in case I needed someone. The manager is going to have someone different come and fix the shower doors today. After that I will fix anything else myself because I want to be done with this company and this project for good.
At Easter Lunch/Dinner I noticed someone got a big fork to pick up the ham with. They clean off what I think were smudges without washing their hands. At least I hope it was smudges and not the fork being not cleaned along with the fact that they didn’t wash their hands before wiping off the smudges. I saw a couple of things like this, but I decided to push through them all other than react to my OCD. This wasn’t easy to do. I have my OCD asking me don’t people care where they spread germs, or if they get others sick. I told myself to stop and that I would be fine. Then I went to socialize.
I went to see Rachel, my therapist this week again, and I’m going next week as well. I needed a little more help getting through everything I've been going through lately. I needed to get myself back on track. I’ve learned over time that I cannot always do this on my own. It has taken me a long time to ask for help when I needed it. I shouldn’t wait so long. I’m like a lot of people who are too proud, too embarrassed, or just plain stubborn to ask for help. You might need help with OCD, PTSD, any anxiety issue, help cleaning your house, your lawn, or any number of things. My advice this week to you is stop waiting to ask for help that you desperately need.
For me, being vulnerable is asking for help from other people whatever it may be.
I think the hardest part to get to is that point of asking for help or reaching out to other people and being honest with yourself.
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
https://iocdf.org/programs/conferences/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20295458322&gbraid=0AAAAAD3KKFE7_I6w2iG6UR0ya0vTONg42&gclid=Cj0KCQjwzOvEBhDVARIsADHfJJRvqrNH9UmVG9j-5QUox1fhxUldNOWw1CDKoTQnUecpSXilr_4heKoaArw2EALw_wcB
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
