OCD and Being Late
Thank you for reading,
I have had issues with being late for a long time. Rachel and I discussed this along with not feeling so stressed, relationships, I need not to be so strictly regimented, I need to be able to do stuff spontaneously, be more relaxed, and to keep an eye on my contamination OCD at this week’s session.
Why I feel late - having a lot to accomplish before leaving for somewhere, if I don’t leaving at a certain time, Not getting somewhere at a certain time, Not getting the parking spot on what, and the list goes on.
Let me start with Monday. I had a procedure with a doctor across town. I needed to be there at 11:30 a.m. I was Ubering over there, and a family member was picking me up. I started to check times of how long it would take and how long Uber was out around 9:30 a.m. I was checking about every ten minutes at the beginning, then went to every five. I was so worried about not being there at 11 a.m. that I called the Uber to come get me at 10:12 a.m. Are you wondering why I am worried about not getting there a half an hour early when my appointment isn’t until 11:30 a.m. I feel I’m late to things if I’m not at least twenty minutes to half an hour early. I feel uncomfortable saying twenty minutes. I like half an hour to an hour early everywhere I go.
I got to my appointment at 11:04 a.m. I was checked in by 11:15 a.m. I didn’t get in until 12:30 p.m. because my doctor was running late. Boy was this a fun discussion with Rachel the next day.
On Tuesday there was a person at work who we celebrated their birthday with. Everyone couldn’t get together until 2:15 p.m. and I leave at 2:30 p.m., which means I clocked out and left work late. Even though I was going to see Rachel, which is a fifty minute drive and my therapy appointment doesn’t start till 4 p.m. I have plenty of time. This is where my OCD kicks in. What if there is an accident I cannot get around, or I have a problem with my vehicle, or there is road construction that slows me down, and the list goes on. I have never been late to a session with Rachel yet, but I don’t want to start either.
Another way I think I’m late that I just thought of is when I’m driving somewhere I go to all the time like to therapy is I know where I should be at a certain time. For instance, I know around about 2:50 p.m. I should be close to getting on the freeway. If I’m not then I’m late. I do this with a lot of things.
Last night, which was Friday, didn’t go well either. I had a play to go to across town. I try to get there at about 6 p.m., even though the show doesn’t start til 7:30 p.m. I like getting a close parking spot, so I can beat all the traffic. I looked for the first time at how long it was going to take me to get there at 4:30 p.m which was thirty - seven minutes. I kept checking. At 5:27 p.m. I left, and got there and parked at 6:10 p.m. I couldn't stop thinking all the way here how I might not get my spot. I am so crazy about doing the same thing at the same time or leaving at the same time.
Trying to change myself on not being so early isn’t going to be easy. I don't like change. I need to embrace change better than I do.
No, I didn’t get the parking stop I wanted for the reason there were three or four other events going on. I had to park almost on the third level.
I am trying to be more positive that I got there ten minutes later than I normally do. It makes me wonder if I ever do start dating again will a person be so willing to get to place this early.
Towards the end of my session Rachel mentioned that I need not to be so strictly regimented. I need to be able to do stuff spontaneously. I’m definitely regimented in everything I do.
My aunt came into town to see a couple of people. She got her on Wednesday and leaves Monday. It is nice to have someone to talk to at night, however for me it is a little difficult. I have been five months with no one around, so I’m used to doing things without anyone around, so I have to pay attention to what I do and when I do things.
I don’t do good with my OCD when my aunt is around. She is a good person although she is free spirited, which isn’t good for my OCD. There isn’t much that I know that bothers her, or maybe everything bothers me because of my OCD. That is probably it. Rachel and I have talked about wiping the bathroom down after she takes a shower and before I take a shower. I just cannot stop for the reason I put my clean clothes, towel and wash cloth on the counter. I would love to stop or figure something else out. I know I should use my senses better. I feel so convicted.
I still have a lot to work on, nevertheless I have come a long way with God and Rachel’s help. I need to do a little more with my part.
"You're not going to enjoy every minute of the journey. But the success you'll find at the end will make it all worth it." --Muhammad Ali
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
https://ocdaz.org/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
