Massage & OCD
Thank you for reading,
I went to get a massage last weekend for the third time ever for the reason my sister gave me a gift card for either Christmas or my birthday, along with Rachel and I discussing it a little at my last therapy session thinking it would help me destress and relax a little. I told Rachel that I need to relax more, maybe once a month I should do a massage. She thought this was a good idea. I’m a little skeptical about making massages a monthly routine, or maybe it is my OCD voice that is the skeptical one.
I eventually did relax, however it took a little while. My masseuse Noelle showed me to my room in addition to asking me questions. I walk into the room to start to undress, right away I start to ruminate about did they clean it good enough, how many walked on this floor with bare feet that I might get something, how often do they clean the carpet, and my list goes on. I had to shut down my rumination if I wanted to not only enjoy my massage at the same time have a small victory over my OCD. I started using my senses. Everywhere I looked everything was clean. I didn’t feel anything dirty or unclean in any way.
Noelle, comes back in to start my massage talking to me while she is getting a few things read. I got talked into the extra cost of using the hot stones. As she starts my mind tries to think, did I hear her wash her hands before starting my massage? I take a deep breath and tell myself she is a professional and to not to worry about it just to enjoy the massage.
It took about ten to fifteen minutes to get me to relax to start to enjoy the massage. Once the massage was over, and she left me to get dressed, my mind went straight to did she wash her hands after the massage, and is the door hand unclean. Stopped my mind the best I could right there not to go any further with my thoughts to just in joy my massage along with getting through the massage.
As I was leaving they asked me about signing up for another massage. Rachel popped right in my head. She told me once doing an ERP or Exposure Response Prevention once is good, however you need to keep doing it to beat OCD. So I signed up to get a massage monthly. By the way, the hot stones were okay. I don’t think I will do them again for the reason the masseuse rubs them a little while on you, then takes them away, massages, and repeats this over and over again. I was expecting the massage, and then the hot stones, or visa versa.
Now, I was having a pretty good week at work all the way around, until Friday afternoon. There was something happening right after lunch in the cafe that I had to set up. I help with cleaning the cafe along with helping the cafeteria ladies out sometimes because they help me. I was taking out the big rolling trash cart full of trash bags, when the second to last bag either broke or came untied. It doesn’t matter how the bag of trash came apart, what matters is it got on me. My right side of my shirt got a little, but my pants along with my right shoe had a little more on them. It could have been worse. I did clean up my clothes. I started to go overboard with the cleaning of my clothes, then I heard a voice tell me this is starting to be your OCD. You need to stop and move on. Stopped, assessed my clothes. I realized the voice was right. I couldn't do any better than what I already have done, so I moved on. I’m actually proud of myself for moving on. It wasn’t easy for me to do with all the trash I had to clean up from the ground and thinking this is all on me.
To all the mothers out there.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
“Our fate lives within us. You only have to be brave enough to see it.” —Merida, Brave.
“They say if you dream a thing more than once, it’s sure to come true.” —Princess Aurora, Sleeping Beauty
If you are like me to some day be free of OCD or anything else you are trying to beat, then don’t stop dreaming or believing for some day maybe it is closer than you think.
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
https://ocdaz.org/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
