OCD Not So Proud Moment
Thank you for reading,
I was having a pretty good week until Friday. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been giving myself praise for beating OCD in little ways. Rachel had me do something like this a couple years back. I will call them proud moments. I think this is to not just stop us always looking at the negative of OCD. Instead it shows us our small wins against OCD can change your mind to think you can do bigger wins to which I have done in the past.
My not so proud moment on Friday. Let me start by saying when I don’t want to miss certain things at work or in my life my OCD knows it. I do maintenance at an elementary school. The last two weeks especially have a lot going on that I don’t want to let people down if I’m not there. The kitchen manager was sick on Thursday. I saw her come out of the kitchen to start to set up Friday morning as I was setting up for preschool promotion along with rearranging breakfast. She didn’t look good. I said, good morning. How are you doing this morning? She told me that I’m really sick and don’t feel good. I don’t like missing two days of work, so I came in. That is all it took for my OCD to take over. I was a jerk by saying you came in to get everyone else sick, so you have no one to work on Monday. I’m going to wear a mask when everyone comes in and hide in my office as much as I can.
As I’m talking to her, she isn’t wearing a mask right now for the reason no one else but me is at the school. She is more than twenty feet from me however that doesn’t stop my OCD. I carry a mask on me when I do stuff outside and when I do filters along with other things I do. I very quickly put it on my mask. My mind starts with doesn’t she understand she is breathing on everything she is around and touching. She or her staff will be surviving food to over six hundred students and staff. Her staff will touch everything she is breathing after they have already washed their hands, so that will not help. This kept going for almost five minutes, then I realized this was all my OCD. I thought I cannot let OCD do this to me. I took my mask off and didn’t wear it for the rest of the day. I finished setting everything up which took about another twenty five minutes. I spent most of my day in the cafe setting up and taking down stuff.
I feel I should have apologized for what I said and how I reacted. I may write her a card to say I’m sorry, or just tell her in person on Monday. What do you think?
On a good note, we did catch two children vandalising the restrooms. One a second grader who would put a lot of toilet paper in the toilet to clog it along with putting it all over the place. The second one was a first grader who was going number 2 on the floor, wiping and putting the toilet paper on the floor along with sometimes finger painting with it. This has been happening for several weeks. Yes, I have to clean this up.
I feel what happened on Friday with the kitchen manager was a bump in the road. I should feel a little proud of myself for realizing it was my OCD taking over in addition to changing my mind set to move on with my day. My goal and mind set is that I'm going to beat OCD completely in the near future. If you think you will have OCD or anything else forever, then you will. Get your mind in the right mind set by telling yourself daily I’m going to be free of OCD forever. Maybe come up with some mantras like I’m going to beat OCD, I’m OCD free, OCD isn’t for me, or you can just Google some. I’ve heard that looking in the mirror while saying mantras helps. I know it is hard to look at yourself while saying something, but it gets easier the more you do it. You can also meditate with mantras. Good Luck on beating OCD.
“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” - Willie Nelson
“Most folks are about as happy as they make their mind up to be.” - Abraham Lincoln
“If you hear a voice within you say “You cannot paint.” then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced” - Vincent Van Gogh
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
https://ocdaz.org/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
