OCD Rollercoaster
Thank you for reading,
I had a busy week, not just at work. I’ve talked about being more social, or having a social life again. This week I started trying a little more. First, I’ve been trying to do some online dating, however it isn’t going well. On Tuesday, I decided to go to an in person speed dating event. I had a good time, even though I didn’t find anyone. It’s been a long time that I actually talked to someone other than family and friends to try to make a connection with. It was nice to do in a safe environment with people you know are trying to do the same thing. It gave me a little confidence to be able to talk to someone again. Then came the next day, my OCD was in my head again telling me as soon as you tell them you have OCD they will be gone. I tell myself that I’ve hidden my OCD before, so I can do it again. I don’t like that approach for the reason I want to be honest with everyone besides that fact that is no way to start a relationship. My OCD keeps telling me I guess you can never be in a relationship again. I keep pushing back at my OCD telling it I’ve had relationships before and I will again.
At work this week I picked up clothes without gloves, but still did a compulsion by wiping my hands on my pants. Yes, wiping your hands off in any way is a compulsion for the reason it makes my mind feel better that I’m wiping off germs. I would love to give myself that boy for this, on the contrary I cannot. I tell myself that I will beat OCD next time.
I’m having some work done in the bathroom at the house, so a guy came over to check it out. I forgot to take out my towels, so after he left I changed them out. This was my OCD screaming at me. You messed up big time buddy. I didn’t even hesitate, I just did it. I haven’t put or used towels in the bathroom for a very long time. I kept them in my bedroom. I just recently started putting my bath towel in the bathroom after my aunt left the last time. I know I need to get better with this, but at the same time it is really hard for me. I want a clean towel to dry off with, so if someone touches it even with the side of their arm the towel is dirty. I would even add if they breathe on it. I can see now Rachel and I are going to have a long talk about this.
Last night I went to a dance studio that teaches West Coast Swing Dance for beginners for only fifteen dollars on Friday nights. I thought it was only going to be forty - five minutes, but it actually was two and half hours. There were couples there, but I went by myself. The couple just wanted to dance together and stayed on one side of the floor while the rest of us rotated partners throughout. I didn’t think about washing my hands until half way through due to the fact I was touching so many different people’s hands, but I didn’t. Ya me! I had a lot of fun dancing last night. I’m planning on going back next Friday.
Now this morning, my sinuses are doing worse, and I started to wonder if I caught something from someone last night. I know this is all my OCD talking, but this morning my OCD is a little loud. I just got over a sinus infection and don’t want to get another one, anything else, or miss any more work is probably why my OCD is nagging me this morning. I will work at stopping the ruminations after I get done writing this. I will let go, and move on.
I’ve enjoyed this week a lot, even though it was a little bit of a roller coaster with my OCD. I’m a work in progress.
One last thing to end this on is my OCD has been a lot worse than it is right now. I’m very grateful for God helping me get better to this point. I worry about a social life, dating along with a lot of over things, and how I will be able to handle it, however there is a lot of people out there with OCD that are a lot worse off than I am that no one knows they have OCD for the reason their OCD lives more in their head. I pray for them to some day have a life they want.
“Tough times never last, but tough people do.” Robert H. Schuller
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
https://ocdaz.org/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
