Roller Coaster Week - OCD
Thank you for reading,
It has been a roller coaster of a week for me. I have a sweeper to help clean the outside of the school. The service guy came out to check it out because it was not working right.. He touched the pedal of the sweeper with his hand, then proceeded to touch everything else. I have issues with the bottom of my shoes as it is, but after me stepping in poop the weekend before my OCD starts talking to me. Can you believe he is touching where you put your feet without gloves on? That is gross. I told my OCD to stop, and I let him work on the sweeper. I came back about a half an hour later and he had found the problem. He needed to order a part. We shook hands and I went inside to wash my hands because of what he touched. I let the sweeper sit for half an hour to an hour trying not to do another compulsion. I failed. I wiped the sweeper off. Later that day I dropped a bunch of mail on the floor and picked it up without doing anything to it and put it on the table. I wish I could have done that with the sweeper.
A couple of days later a couple of guys were dropping off parts to fix my chillers this weekend while there is no school. Chillers are like big A/C units that circulate cold water all over the school to cool it down. I have a red trash can in my Chiller room for bodily fluids. I only use gloves to touch it because I’m throwing stuff in after cleaning something up, so if I move it, I move it with gloves. Well, one of the guys moved it to put parts for this weekend. I know they didn’t use gloves. My OCD says you should clean the door handles along with other stuff they might have touched. Rachel says to use my eyes. I didn’t see anything, so I moved on, even though I ruminated about it for a while. I never did any compulsions. Ya me!
Then on Friday Artis tells me later in the day that she isn’t feeling good and my mind goes back to her dad having the flu and maybe she might have the flu. Of course my mind went to the worst thing, and this is probably a compulsion by keeping my distance from her when I interacted with her the rest of the day.
Rachel and I have been talking in my sessions about what I want to do with my life, and what are my priorities. Since my mother passed away last year, we had to put dad in a home. I’m by myself for the first time in twelve years. I come home to an empty house. I haven’t dated in over six years, so Rachel is helping me with that too. I was listening to Mel Robbin’s podcast, and she had Debbie Millman on. Debbie had a card deck called, A ten year plan for achieving your dreams, and it was only nine or ten dollars, so I bought it. It takes several hours to go through. For me this wasn’t easy. Especially the one where do I want to be living in ten years. Do you want to be where I’m living now in my parents house where I grew up, which they have had since 1969, move to another house downtown, move to another state, or have an RV traveling the US? Towards the end she wants you to review everything you have written down. I broke down crying wondering if I would do some of the stuff I had written down if I failed my mother because I told her I would do certain things, but now I’m starting to rethink things. I know I need to live my life for me, but I don’t want to go back on my word or disappoint other family members. This isn’t easy for me. I’m going to have to ponder it for a while.
I also had phone calls from where my dad is staying on Thursday and Friday. He is having some issues. Then Friday night my tax person calls me to tell me I owe a lot of money to the IRS for the first time ever, and wants me to recheck my taxes to make sure I gave them everything and everything is fine. Thank you, Friday the 13th.
To finish this roller coaster it is my birthday week. It is fun to have some many people show you how much they appreciate you. I do feel blessed.
Please give me your opinion on anything above.
Brian Tracy - There are no limits on what you can achieve with your life, except the limits you accept in your mind.
Here are some websites to find help with your OCD.
In Arizona
https://ocdandptsdtherapy.com/
https://ocdaz.org/
United States & Global
Please remember that I am not a therapist, but a person who has OCD, cares about others, and wants to help any way I can. I am not giving advice. I am just telling my own experiences, and praying my experiences help someone. If you need help please go get the help you need.
Until next time,
Tracy T. Agnelli
